Child Split From Friends

[JollySinger]

Hi Everyone,

We recently found out the Primary 2 classes for my DD’s new school year. The class split has meant that their friend group of 4 has been split (3 in one class and my DD in another herself.)
Generally, I would’ve been unconcerned and encouraged her to make new friends however their Primary 1 class was a composite P2/1 class and therefore, due to Covid restrictions, they were limited to playing solely with the P1 children in their composite class meaning she does not even know any of the other Primary 1’s.

It seemed unfair and damaging to have placed all 3 girls in one class and my DD on her own in another. I’ve asked the school for clarification on the matter as I feel that my DD might be at a particular disadvantage and may struggle within an entirely new class as she has not got a single friend, whilst her 3 other friends have each other.

Am I being unreasonable?

Yanbu. That seems unfair, a 2 2 would have been a better split. What was the school's response?

Asking for clarification from the school seems the right thing to do. They may not change it but may be able to shed light on why it was split thusly. It could be one group are ahead in maths and the other need more help for example.

Not at all unreasonable to raise it in these particular circumstances. Seems odd that they'd do a 3:1 split. Were they aware of friendship groups? Did they ask the kids to list children they'd prefer to be with IF possible, etc?

This happened to my daughter then covid hit and she wasn't allowed to play with her friends so she had to expand her circle. There were bumps in the road but she's fine. I never contacted the school but apparently they have a policy of splitting up close groups to enable social and mixing skills.

At that age, they make new bonds easily. There may be a dynamic within the group that your daughter isn't benefitting from. As a TA, I observe teachers talking about class groups for at least a term before they actually tell parents. And unless they are hurting each other, we might not tell parents if a falling out has happened because it happens so frequently.

Hi all,
School have not responded as yet. I was conscious their group would be split, but perhaps 2/2 to ensure that each girl would have a friend in the class especially as they haven’t had any chance to interact with any of the other children, and the other parents were understandably concerned about this also.

The school were aware of the friendship groups and the decision for classes seems to have been rushed through yesterday and from what I gather, have been split in a way so the classes contain equal numbers and without considering the well-being and security of any of the children within these friendships.

Had this been next year I wouldn’t have batted an eye but as this is only their 2nd year at this school and after the limited exposure they all had last year, I had hoped she wouldn’t have just been left in a class all on her own.

I honestly don't think you should worry, or raise this. IME year groups still spend a lot of time together, especially at lunch and playtimes where she can seek out her old friends.

Lots will tell you it builds resilience. I am not so sure as ds2 became very isolated after a split like this (in fairness lots of other things were going on as wll as him being separated from his closest friends). I think how concerned you should be depends on how easy your child is able to build new friendships. I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask if there was a reason for splitting the girls in this way and, how, the new teacher will help her class build up new friendships especially for those that have been split from former friends.

OP,

Make every effort to address this if you believe it will be an issue for her.

Put it down in writing via email, exactly what your concerns are.

Do not be fobbed off.

Some children would be fine, but others not.

Especially if it will cause her stress during the summer months.

I'd definitely ask. Unless it turns out the friendship has caused concerns and your Dd has been moved away due to this, a 3-1 split seems a weird way to "mix" a friendship group. It's more distancing one member from the main group and seems unfair. Putting them in pairs would ease the return to school and start of term more easily. See what the other girls parents think, too.

I would've hated this as a young child. I'm not unsociable but would've found having to repeatedly start "from scratch" to find someone I clicked with exhausting if a school mixed classes a lot. Feeling cut off from my friends would've really upset me and I'd have wondered if it was something I'd done.

Ugh, this happened to DD1 more than once. When I did ask about it (on the occasion of her being the only girl from her year in a split year class) I was told they thought it would be fine because she was so grown up and capable that of all the kids she would be most able to cope. 🙄 Total BS. She was lonely and miserable. (sorry OP, probably not what you want to hear! )
I honestly do think quiet well behaved kids are expected to just put up with this shit and it really isn't fair.

I'm the overbearing parent who always intervenes with stuff like this. My daughter was put in a class with a girl she thought she was friends with but the friendship wasn't reciprocal as I'd seen in settings outside of school. I spoke to the teachers about this on several occasions but got fobbed off.
Eventually, my daughter was miserable and sobbing most days, trying to be friends with someone who did not want to be her friend.
Covid was a nightmare as she couldn't mix with other groups and this was always the defence the school made pre-covid, that the groups would mix.
After 2 years of complaining, they eventually moved her to a new group, away from the girl she was obsessed with and she's been much happier, but it's taken a lot of work to establish new friendship groups.
The 3:1 split doesn't seem fair to me. I also think that, contrary to what teachers think, parents actually understand their friendships better than the teachers do. I'm a teacher.

I don’t think it is “unfair” but YANBU to raise it and ask if she can be moved.

With splits like this our primary has been very good ensuring everyone had 1 friend from a group

@Wilkolampshade - exactly my experience, both as a child and with my DC. Good, well behaved, not a bother. Expected to put up with the shitty end of the stick time and again as apparently they’re friends with everyone 😕