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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow her to sleep with her phone in the room?

22 replies

mycatisannoying · 23/05/2022 23:27

Middle daughter is 15, and fairly poor at self-regulating when it comes to her phone usage. I don't allow her to sleep with her phone in the bedroom, as I want her to have a total break without temptation. She slept in for school this morning and blamed me, as she didn't have her phone to set an alarm. However I recently bought her an alarm clock and she has an Echo Dot/Alexa in there too. The advantage of the phone or disadvantage depending on how you look at it, I suppose, is that the snooze function can be used more easily.
AIBU?

OP posts:
WinterIsHere96 · 23/05/2022 23:41

You can tell Alexa to snooze, so that's just an excuse.
When you say she is poor at self regulating does that mean you have trialed her having her phone? Or have you just decided she can't be trusted to get enough sleep?

WineIsMyMainVice · 23/05/2022 23:41

Of course YANBU! Stick to your guns. You are the parent therefore you make the rules! She won’t sleep in if she’s not been up half the night on her phone.

RunawayPea · 24/05/2022 06:08

Yes that's fine. Buy her an old fashioned alarm clock that is really really loud.

girlmom21 · 24/05/2022 06:22

She shouldn't need the snooze function.

Nappyvalley15 · 24/05/2022 06:26

Keep the taking the phone from her at night.

Nappyvalley15 · 24/05/2022 06:29

Sorry for the extra 'the'. I should have just said YANBU

00100001 · 24/05/2022 06:30

Ha ha good on her for trying to get it back.

Good on you for holding firm and saying no!

Blarting · 24/05/2022 06:31

Echo dot has a snooze function, so problem solved for her.

theobligatorynamechange · 24/05/2022 06:31

mycatisannoying · 23/05/2022 23:27

Middle daughter is 15, and fairly poor at self-regulating when it comes to her phone usage. I don't allow her to sleep with her phone in the bedroom, as I want her to have a total break without temptation. She slept in for school this morning and blamed me, as she didn't have her phone to set an alarm. However I recently bought her an alarm clock and she has an Echo Dot/Alexa in there too. The advantage of the phone or disadvantage depending on how you look at it, I suppose, is that the snooze function can be used more easily.
AIBU?

If you've just decided to take her phone off her and she's used to using it as an alarm clock, I think you as the parent should have checked in on her the first couple of mornings to make sure she was getting up.

Mornings are difficult for most people, and teenagers need an abnormal amount of sleep that most of them don't actually get. Expecting them to change their routine overnight is a bit of an ask, without a little bit of help.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 24/05/2022 06:34

I have always let mine have them over night and it’s never been an issue. Because they’ve always had them there’s no novelty to it and they’ve always gone to sleep at a reasonable time.

m lots of people do take phones away at night though. There’s nothing wrong with it. Do what you thinks best for your dd.

easyday · 24/05/2022 06:36

I don't have the phone issue with my daughter, but I do check she is up every morning and she's 17! Seems pretty basic - I'd do the same if I had a spouse who slept heavily.

Fuzzywuzzyface · 24/05/2022 06:38

DS15 has his phone removed on a school night but has it at other times. We always make sure he is awake and take him a cup if tea - I just cant get my head around why you would not ensure your child is awake and then make mornings needlessly chaotic,

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/05/2022 06:39

easyday · 24/05/2022 06:36

I don't have the phone issue with my daughter, but I do check she is up every morning and she's 17! Seems pretty basic - I'd do the same if I had a spouse who slept heavily.

Surely at 17 she needs to learn this skill. She will move out at some point, wont she?

Ledkr · 24/05/2022 06:45

My dd now 20 couldnt self regulate as a teen and would have been on her phone all night so i used to take it at night to charge. It was like taking heroin off an addict 🙄
My 11 Yr old dd has just got a phone and I have made it a rule that no phones overnight and I won't be changing that any time soon.
yanbu

ChiselandBits · 24/05/2022 06:47

Absolutely keep it off her at night. I teach this age group and in a PSHE lesson recently, I asked them what time most of them get off their phones /go to sleep and over half were gone midnight. Add to that the constant possibility of negative comments / bullying all through the night, setting alarms to wake up at 2 in case they've missed something 'important'.. No. Mine won't be having their phones overnight in their rooms until I am confident in their ability to leave it alone, or I'll keep using the 'lock' function in the parental controls.

Ginandthings · 24/05/2022 06:52

If she has an Android phone then you can use the parental control app to lock\unlock her phone, my ds phone locks at his bed time and unlocks 10 minutes before his alarm goes off.

AgentJohnson · 24/05/2022 06:53

“Hey Alexa, set a weekday alarm for 07:00)”. Job done. Nice try DD but nah, it wasn’t my fault.

DD has been angling to get her Wi-Fi privileges extended and citing homework struggles as a reason. I just remind her that her poor time management is not a result of the internet going off at 10:30. Homework needs to be better prioritised and if she has difficulty doing so, then I am happy to enrol her back into homework support.

DD has her phone with her at bedtime but with no internet she’s got a lot better at getting up on time. I’m not keen on power struggles and her phone would have been one and she needed to learn to self regulate herself. The WiFi automatically shutting off helped her do that.

Blaming others for their shit, is typical of teenagers. Don’t get sucked in and learn to perfect the ‘really, pull the other one’ head tilt.

Original poster
mycatisannoying · 24/05/2022 07:09

Thanks everyone. Appreciate the replies. And of course I check in on her to wake her up! But once or twice sometimes isn't enough.

OP posts:
Janetslunchcake · 24/05/2022 07:15

If she is struggling to get up in the morning maybe she needs to go to bed earlier. I have teens who don't change their routine from a weekday to a weekend, ie they don't stay up ridiculously late on a Friday and Saturday night. My Mum was a shift worker and told them the importance of a regular sleep pattern. They didn't have their phones overnight because if you are sleeping why would you need your phone?

Brieandcamembert · 24/05/2022 07:27

If she needs the snooze function then she's waking tired and thus isn't getting enough sleep. If you give her her phone she will get even less sleep.

I swear by one of those sunlight alarms. Really helps the circadian rhythm.

onelittlefrog · 24/05/2022 07:32

Get an alarm clock that has a snooze function? (Many do!)

00100001 · 24/05/2022 13:54

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 24/05/2022 06:34

I have always let mine have them over night and it’s never been an issue. Because they’ve always had them there’s no novelty to it and they’ve always gone to sleep at a reasonable time.

m lots of people do take phones away at night though. There’s nothing wrong with it. Do what you thinks best for your dd.

Good for you, but many many teenagers are up until the small hours messaging each other. And not because the "novelty" isnt still there. It's because they're addicted and have FOMO.

Also, how do you know yours weren't in it until the wee hours?

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