Is anxiety a disorder

[cofingalthetime]

Don't shoot me, excuse my ignorance, but hear me out... my friend has a dd aged 14, but I'm really worried about both of them. I don't want to say too much as it's too outing, but her dd won't meet anyone, like literally has no friends, they stay in the house literally all the time, she doesnt go to school. We had a chat today and I suggested maybe CBT, or seeing a counsellor but she said all that stuff makes it worse and that she thinks her dd will grow out of it? She said her dd is scared to go out cos of covid. I dunno, I'm worried. I think my friend might be projecting her own fears, and her dd is picking up on them. Is there a disorder where anxiety is this bad? I worry so much for her and her dd

@TeenPlusCat did you miss this from another poster ??? I called social services myself. They had absolutely zero support to offer. They came out to visit, I asked about groups, support systems, or even a support group for me, because this is exhausting and was told, no don't have anything.

No I didn't miss it. However it's not the same situation.
The other poster was doing all the right things asking for support from all the right people.
The family the OP is asking about appear to be quite happy for their child to be completely isolated.

Kids with this disorder? An actual diagnosis? By a medical professional?

Yeah that's what I asked - like is it a disorder? I don't think she has ever taken her dd to the doctor. She is unvaccinated since birth, she is anti-vax. My friend believes she is doing the right thing - she has this thing about never forcing her child to do anything she doesnt want to. She says she (her dd) has autonomy and she (my friend) has no right to force her to do anything she doesn't want to. So she is waiting until she feels like making friends and going out. Until she is 'ready' for her (my friend) to leave her for a night. Etc..

Yes anxiety can be a disorder.
Seems to me if anyone has it it is your friend, not her child. Her child otoh could be being neglected / emotionally abused.

Yeah I think my friend means well, and she is so sure of herself and confident she is doing the right thing by her dd. It disarms me, and I come away and think about it and realise how confident she is. I was a mess when dd was having problems - always wondering was I doing the right thing, and what should I do, or not do. My friend is just adamant and positive she is right. And that her dd will grow out of it and "be fine". That's what she always says - "she'll be fine when she's older". "Kids like this grow out of it". Kids like what though. Dunno, it's just on my mind all the time.

Anti vax, won’t ever leave her child or let her go to school etc. sounds more like mum has MH issues than the daughter TBH. Have social services ever made contact?

My friend believes she is doing the right thing - she has this thing about never forcing her child to do anything she doesnt want to.

I worry for her child in the workplace. We all do things we don't want to do and deal with stressful situations. Even if she's a lovely girl, she might not have the resilience to deal with life as an adult after being so sheltered.

Definitely munchausen by proxy. A 3 week old can’t be anxious! Sounds like she’s projecting and she’s made this weird life for her DD. I’d speak to SS just for advice if nothing else.

This is so controlling and weird not to have her vaccinated!

Report to social services op, it sounds like neglect and emotional harm. You look up your local councils children's services department, it should be quite clear how to report a concern from there. You can do it anonymously.

What's the first line of that Philip Larkin poem... They fuck you up, your Mum and Dad?

Because that is EXACTLY what is happening here. The mother for whatever reason is not letting her child live her life. No friends, no school, no hobbies. Has had a whole life of her mum gaslighting her into thinking the world is scary and nasty, and never letting her out of her sight.

This is abuse and you need to report it to social services. The child was not born anxious and fucked up. The mother has managed that all by herself.

Children are not born anxious (they have an inherent fear of loud noises and being dropped - that's all we're born with).

I think your fear of Munchausen syndrome by proxy is very possible.

For my dd, she did have some social anxiety, but was able to name it, and explore why she had those feelings. Covid and a couple of other things happened around the same time, and it seemed to amplify those feelings out of all control.

It's been exhausting for both of us. This is not how I'd like to be spending her teenage years. Last year she was practically attached to my hip. And I couldn't really go anywhere because she'd panic if I left the house. We've made definite progress, I can do the shopping, see my friends and I don't need to be in the same room as her all the time anymore.

But I can't imagine why anyone would want this for their child, which is kind of what it sounds like your friend is doing.