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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want mil to help out next week when dd goes in hospital?

19 replies

trace2 · 12/01/2008 18:00

dd 7 months going into childrens 20 mile away from our house on monday and asked mil if she could pick ds up from school and bring to us or have him until one of comes home about 7 pm she said no!

her answer was set of at 1 30 and one dont go back until morning

OP posts:
Original poster
trace2 · 12/01/2008 18:01

if i had grankids would love to help out

OP posts:
MrsTittleMouse · 12/01/2008 18:02

Does she have any other commitments? Does she see your DC normally?
I'm really that she thinks that your DD doesn't need you in the afternoon and evening when she's in a strange place, let alone in hospital.

eandh · 12/01/2008 18:03

Do you have any friends who children go to same school who could pick him up and have dinner there?? There is no way I'd leave a 7 month old in hospital on her own all afternoon

WildCats · 12/01/2008 18:04

no trace you are not being unreasonable!!!!!! i know that if it was us our mil would bend over backwards to help out. so sorry thats shes said no to you x

mazzystar · 12/01/2008 18:04

You are not being unreasonable to need some help and support, nor to ask for it. Is she usually helpful? Are you usually a coper? - perhaps she doesn't realise how difficult it will be for you and your children next week. Is there anyone else that you can ask?

Original poster
trace2 · 12/01/2008 18:10

she as ds on a sat 130 till 5 pm carnt have dd as shes not confident at doing cpr.

dd spent most of her 7 months in hospital and my friends at school had picked him up and kept him till we got home , so not going to ask again they have done enough really!.

my sis was going to pick him up but shje her self is at an other hospital that afternnon.

and no been told dd as to have some one with her all times carnt even go for coffee

OP posts:
lulumama · 12/01/2008 18:12

i presume she knows it is for you to take DD to hospital??

am surprised and shocked, YANBU at all.

needmorecoffee · 12/01/2008 18:12

I had the same issues when dd was in hospital having seizures. MIL would not help as she 'had a gym class' or something. Even when I begged.
Some grandparents are like that. I wouldn't be personally but there you go.

LIZS · 12/01/2008 18:12

yanbu to want it. However whether it is reasonable to expect it rather depends on your relationship with mil and her other regular commitments.

milliec · 12/01/2008 18:26

Message withdrawn

miobombino · 12/01/2008 18:32

Well that's fairly shocking, and not easy for you to manage. Given that you can't leave your baby alone, I'd have said she's being a bit selfish unless there's a very good reason for her saying no.

It's hardly the same as "expecting" a relative to look after your child because you just like the idea of it/she looks after sil's kids so why not mine/you want your nails done/other shallow reason.

If my baby gd was in hospital and dd or a futire dil asked for help with other gc, I'd rush to help. I'm not planning on long term childminding when I'm a gm, but this is in a differnt league surely Lizs ?

clareyooo · 12/01/2008 18:36

YANBU. I'll bet she wants to do all the nice bits that being a grandmother entails! I think her reaction is WEIRD. (but I wouldn't be surprised if my MIL behaved like that either)

Original poster
trace2 · 12/01/2008 19:01

am getting really upset about it all tbh dh as been off sick now since end of august due to dd being ill he carnt handel it! and we on 24 hour watch over here under peads say so. and every sat she asks me how dh is? as if she cares ( sorry shes a mum she will just bloody wish shed show it)

OP posts:
nametaken · 12/01/2008 19:24

YANBU. What about your dh picking up your son and you going to the hospital.

Don't worry about asking friends if you've asked them before. I would always do this for a friend in your situations and would never get fed up of being asked as it's a genuine reason.

As for your MIL, make sure you never include her in the nice bits again if you possibly can, and don't ever ask her for anything either.

Original poster
trace2 · 12/01/2008 19:31

yes we taking in turns to pick ds up we both taking her in monday shes not having her probes put on till 1 and her lumber puncher is that morning and both really wanted to be there with her as it takes hours to put on and she gets upset! and because its so far away from our home thats why we have to set back of at 1 30 to get to school to pick him up. where she lives a few miles away from his school

OP posts:
Dynamicnanny · 12/01/2008 21:32

Where do you live - is there not a local childminder you could contact or look on Nannyjob or find a sitter and see if there is anyone in your area?

LIZS · 13/01/2008 11:52

Could your hv or Surestart find an emergency cm place for you ? I remember my exSIL sometimes took children at last minute due to such circumstances.

deepbreath · 13/01/2008 17:06

YANBU.

My MIL did the same to me just last week, when dd had an appointment at the eye hospital. I asked her back in November to have ds, and she said OK.

I rang her to remind her the day before, and she said she wanted to get her hair done. Dd's appointment was at 2pm, and MIL made her hair appointment for 1.30

She did this knowing full well that there's nobody in my family that I can ask. She wasn't going out until the following evening, so she could have had her hair done that day instead.

It seems as though they think that they've done their bit by raising their own kids. When we ask, even if it's for something important like this, it's too much to ask

Unfortunately, the hairdresser didn't get the vibes I sent for her to mess up MIL's hair

hercules1 · 13/01/2008 17:08

Oh, poor you. Seems unexcusable really given the circumstances

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