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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not go to work tomorrow?

15 replies

neverbeenskiing · 23/05/2022 16:20

I have endometriosis. Confirmed a year ago, still waiting to see Consultant to talk treatment options but appointment has just come through for in a few weeks time. I've been telling doctors about my symptoms since I was a teenager but like many women, was largely ignored so it has gotten progressively worse and now in my late 30's it's ruining my life.

I have been bleeding continuously for the last 7 weeks. Unsurprisingly, I have felt weak and exhausted much of the time but just about managed to function. Today it's like my body has given up. It's my day off and I've spent it in bed, curled up in a ball, crying and feeling extremely nauseous because the pain has been so bad. I can't eat. The bleeding has ramped up, but I'm told not to go to A&E unless I pass large clots which isn't happening. I'll admit to feeling pretty sorry for myself.

I am supposed to work tomorrow and I don't know how I'm going to cope. But I feel guilty for taking time off as they already agreed to let me reduce my hours as a reasonable adjustment for my endo so taking time off feels like taking the piss. I also have SO much to do but even getting dressed feels like the most monumental effort at the moment. As a line manager would you frown upon an employee who called in sick despite only being in 3 days? We also have another member of the term signed off long term sick atm and I don't want colleagues to think I'm not sharing the load.

I know some of you are probably thinking for fucks sake, your an adult just make the decision yourself! Normally I'm quite a decisive person but the pain and exhaustion has made me lose all perspective.

OP posts:
OldieWordly · 23/05/2022 16:26

You are not well, so don't go to work. It doesn't matter that you are a part-timer.

PriestessofPing · 23/05/2022 16:27

I wouldn’t think less of you for calling in, i’d think you were brave to have struggled on for so long but be concerned about how much you are suffering.

user0512 · 23/05/2022 16:28

You have to put yourself first. As harsh as it sounds, no company is worth compromising on your (mental or physical) health for.

Can you not work from home?

HollaHolla · 23/05/2022 16:30

If you’re too I’ll to work, then you call in sick. As a line manager, yes, it can be a pain, but, it’s better you take the time to feel better. Take care

Alcibiade · 23/05/2022 16:30

Who has told you not to go to A&E unless you pass large clots?

neverbeenskiing · 23/05/2022 16:36

Who has told you not to go to A&E unless you pass large clots?

111 and GP on more than one occasion.

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 23/05/2022 16:38

Can you not work from home?

I work in a school so there are some aspects of the job I can do from home, my role involves a lot of admin, but some I can't. I think I would have struggled even to work from home today to be honest. But maybe something to consider for tomorrow. I worry others will think I'm skiving so if anything feel pressure to be really responsive and even more productive from usual when I WFH.

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 23/05/2022 16:39

Didn't mean to enable voting, now don't know how to disable it.

OP posts:
Bickles · 23/05/2022 16:41

Don’t go in and get contact your GP to tell them that you are unable to work and will be until they sort something to stop you bleeding. You will need to be signed off.
This is unacceptable and symptomatic of misogyny. If a man felt like this I guarantee there is no way they would go to work.

nearlyspringyay · 23/05/2022 16:47

You are not well enough to work, call in sick.

user0512 · 23/05/2022 16:50

neverbeenskiing · 23/05/2022 16:38

Can you not work from home?

I work in a school so there are some aspects of the job I can do from home, my role involves a lot of admin, but some I can't. I think I would have struggled even to work from home today to be honest. But maybe something to consider for tomorrow. I worry others will think I'm skiving so if anything feel pressure to be really responsive and even more productive from usual when I WFH.

I'm the same. Currently off as I've got an injured foot. But working in a school it's hard as they prefer you to be in (understandably) they let me WFH last week and said they wanted me in this week. But my foot still hurts and I'm struggling, I was anxious as they had told me I could only work from home the first week and I'd need to be back in school as Some of my role requires me to be in the building.

I then told them that my foot still hurts (small fracture and sprain) and that I'd need to go off sick if I was expected to come in as I can't. On top of that I started my period which is nightmare within itself as I have endo symptoms too but I've never got them checked out. All of this put together, was making me anxious, luckily they accepted me WFH for another week and by the end of the week it's HT so will have have recovered by then.

I know your problem is more on-going which is really difficult but my point is that maybe if you're fully transparent, they might work with you. X

RaginaPhalange · 23/05/2022 16:51

I also work 3 days and would phone in sick if I needed to. Just because you only work 3 days doesn't mean you never get ill. Take care of yourself 💐

starlingdarling · 23/05/2022 17:05

"I'm having an endo flare up" vs "I've been bleeding non-stop for 7 weeks, I'm exhausted, weak, probably anaemic, in so much pain I'm throwing up and I keep being fobbed off because I've got a consultants appointment soon anyway" get two very different responses.

We have a lot more information than I assume you're going to give your line manager or colleagues. If you call up and say "I'm not well" or "I'm having an endo flare up" some might be annoyed. That's not your problem and shouldn't put you off calling in sick but when they're stressed and overloaded you can expect some not to understand so keep that in mind if you go back and anyone is a bit off. If they knew, I bet none of them would think you were unreasonable.

Alcibiade · 23/05/2022 17:11

If you have been bleeding continuously for a few weeks you may have lost a lot of blood over that time. This may be why you are feeling weak and exhausted.

I suggest you go to A&E and get yourself checked.

Also, skip work tomorrow.

neverbeenskiing · 23/05/2022 17:13

@starlingdarling I really like my Line Manager and she is very open with me so I feel I could comfortably explain in a bit more detail. One of the things that makes it so difficult is that most people still believe an "endo flare-up" is just a bad period.

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