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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Report or forget about it?

38 replies

BiscoffSundae · 23/05/2022 13:51

I share children with my ex, for his own reasons he has decided to not be involved with them, so no contact. Also he doesn’t pay any maintenance at all. I opened a cms case when we first split but I was told he wasn’t working or claiming any benefits so didn’t have to pay anything.

This is because he doesn’t work, he lives in a 3 bed HA flat and rents out all the rooms to lodgers (I know for a fact he is doing this) he is not subletting as he lives there and is allowed to have lodgers I’ve been told. However he is obviously not declaring the income from them. I have wanted to report this for years now but I have been reluctant as he will know it was me (There was abuse in our relationship) which is why I’ve put it off. However recently I put in the cm calculator what he told me he gets from renting out the rooms and I was surprised to see how much he should be paying as I didn’t realise it would be so much. This has prompted me to want to report it now but as it’s probably all cash in hand I probably won’t get anywhere. Speaking to a family member about it they told me to just forget about it and said it just seems bitter. So wibu to report him to hmrc? Would it be worth it?

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 23/05/2022 13:53

Would he pay up or would he come back into your life to hurl abuse at you?

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 23/05/2022 13:54

Why are you in contact with him to know so much?

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 23/05/2022 13:56

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 23/05/2022 13:54

Why are you in contact with him to know so much?

We are not in contact any more but I know he is doing this, he has told me about it….

OP posts:
stepuporshutup · 23/05/2022 13:59

If hmrc prosecuted him you may feel some satisfaction on seeing his demise, but to be honest personally I would not bother. If he suspects it was you that reported him, he may get abusive with you.

SarahProblem · 23/05/2022 14:00

Ask yourself what is the best for your children. Will this get them the maintenance money they deserve?

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 23/05/2022 14:03

SarahProblem · 23/05/2022 14:00

Ask yourself what is the best for your children. Will this get them the maintenance money they deserve?

Well at the moment they get a big fat 0 so either way they are not getting any maintenance? Meanwhile ex is taking it in

OP posts:
Lou98 · 23/05/2022 14:13

Honestly I think it depends whether you would be reporting hoping to get the CM he owes or whether you're doing it to try get back at him in some way.

Are you also 100% sure that he's getting as much from it as he's told you he is? Or could he just have been saying a higher figure to wind you up? Do you have any proof of what he's told you?

If you think it would help then absolutely report it but I wouldn't count on getting any CM if you do. Chances are he'll find a way to keep getting paid cash in hand and not declaring anything or declaring a lot less than he actually gets which will most likely still leave you with nothing.
You also need to be prepared for his reaction if he knows it's you that's reported

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 23/05/2022 14:17

Yes I’m sure I’ve seen his ad on spare room (in the past) and I’ve also been to his house. It certainly adds up to what he says given he doesn’t have to work or claim benefits it’s obviously a substantial amount, also he lives in central London so he can charge a lot per room.

OP posts:
Knittingchamp · 23/05/2022 14:19

I'd do it because he owes his kids maintenance that can go towards stuff they need. 100% a good of idea in my opinion. Also lots of people could've told the authorities, not just you - mates,.mates partner, bloke down pub, neighbour seeing the coming and going, etc.

andtheycalledthewindmoriah · 23/05/2022 14:23

Personally I would not want him involved in my children's life in any way, since he is abusive.

Therefore I would not push for financial help from him to risk him making contact applications.

I would also not risk repercussions by reporting him. I would want him out of my life for good, and ignoring him would seem the way to achieve that.

orwellwasright · 23/05/2022 14:24

I've read this before, I'm sure...

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 23/05/2022 14:27

Yes I’ve posted about him renting out rooms before as it’s the reason why he doesn’t see them as he would rather rent out his rooms no danger of him trying to get contact he has nowhere to take them

OP posts:
CherryRipe1 · 23/05/2022 14:46

Which housing association is it? I may well be wrong but afaik tenants are only allowed to take in one informal lodger who would have little rights. Of course he may well have permissions & his ha is different. He could be getting cash and not declaring it to HMRC or maybe he's legitimately declaring the rental income & after his personal allowance less any deductibles it's not so much.

A 'single' man obtaining a 3 b/r HA property seems odd given the dreadful shortage of social housing especially central London. Did he get it years ago or maybe use the need to house the children to get a larger property?

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 23/05/2022 14:59

No it was his mums house and she died but for whatever reason he was allowed to keep the property. I don’t want to say the HA as I guess it would be very outing but according to the website he can have lodgers and doesn’t need permission.

OP posts:
girafferaffle · 23/05/2022 15:10

How much does he get? I thought if it was under £7500 you don't need to tell HMRC anyway?

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 23/05/2022 15:18

£2000 a month

OP posts:
Fulbe · 23/05/2022 16:13

Depends on what you know of his behaviour and whether you know you and the children would be safe. Formally abusive partners can murder their exes. Are the children of an age where you could discuss their preferences with them? You'd need proof (e.g. an advert). Also might be worth discussing this anonymously with HMRC to see what they could/would actually do about it.

Once you've got as much info as you can to make this decision, write down the advantages and disadvantages of taking action or not. There is probably a big part of you that wants to see him punished (there would be for me), but if this is going to put you or the kids at risk, maybe it's worth putting it to one side.

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 23/05/2022 18:00

No I wouldn’t really discuss it with them the oldest is only 11.

he definitely wouldn’t harm them he has never been abusive to them only me.

OP posts:
tillytown · 23/05/2022 18:16

How would you report it? I know nothing about reporting tax/fraud stuff, would you have to give them your name? Would he know it was you who told them?

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 23/05/2022 18:19

tillytown · 23/05/2022 18:16

How would you report it? I know nothing about reporting tax/fraud stuff, would you have to give them your name? Would he know it was you who told them?

I’ve just been told it’s Fraud and to report it to hmrc. I wouldn’t give my name but I think he would guess it was me.

OP posts:
Philisophigal · 23/05/2022 18:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

Original poster
BiscoffSundae · 23/05/2022 18:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

No he rents out all 3 rooms and sleeps in the living room.

OP posts:
StridTheKiller · 23/05/2022 18:36

He'll lose his home if he is subletting rooms and evading taxman too, no doubt while comitting benefit fraud. Get the fucker reported.

RaininSummer · 23/05/2022 19:16

It also counts as an HMO (house in multiple occupation) I think from what you have said and there are a lot of rules around that.

StoneofDestiny · 23/05/2022 19:30

Others must know he is doing this as 4 people going in and out of a property daily doesn't take Sherlock to work it out. His lodgers will have told people too.
Report - then deny it's you