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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWUD

39 replies

Pixiedust9 · 23/05/2022 12:04

Hi everyone,

i am 30 weeks pregnant with my second child (DD) and have an almost 2 year old DS (July 17th).
I am writing this post to just ask for some advice regarding some family issues.This April I attended a family wedding with my partner and his brother and partner, during the wedding dinner I was placed next to BIL partner who I have only met a handful of times (they have been dating for a year.)During the dinner I had my son placed on my lap I looked over and caught her sending pictures of my son sat on my lap to her friends online (complete strangers who I have never met) with captions like "I fing
hate this child" " I wish I didn't have fing sit next to him" etc and complaining about everything little thing he did.I understand some people don't like children and that is fine but he is a very well behaved child and was sat quite content and was not disturbing her,I was shocked but didn't say anything and me and my partner left the wedding early.
We mentioned what had happened to BIL at the wedding privately and he sent back a very passive aggressive text to my partner basically telling him it was my fault for taking it the wrong way as it was a joke, no apology from her was given either.
I have not seen either of them since the wedding it is BIL partners birthday next month and we have been invited on a family trip away with them.I have declined but have told my partner he is welcome to go,I am worried about the backlash I am going to receive from the family as I don't want to cause problems but feel it is best for me and my son not to attend.
Am I being unreasonable for not going? I am wondering what others may do in my situation.

OP posts:

emuloc · 23/05/2022 13:34

Pixiedust9 · 23/05/2022 13:30

No,I did not give her permission to take photos of my child.Yes I understand what people are saying I probably cannot avoid her forever but at the moment I am still annoyed at her comments,which is why I felt it was best for me not to go.
Whilst I understand it may have been a joke as I appreciate not everyone likes kids (which is fine) my son was not disturbing her and I felt her comments were not needed it also upset me that she was giving him filthy looks when he would try and wave to her.I am probably just a hurt mum as I do feel protective over him.

She did all that, as well as sat there giving your son dirty looks, and you did nothing? I am lost for words.

Testina · 23/05/2022 13:35

IncompleteSenten · 23/05/2022 13:31

I'd say I'm going to give it a miss. As you know, X really doesn't like my son and I'm sure she'd have a much better birthday without a young child annoying her and me waddling around trying to keep him out of the way.

And I wouldn't give a fuck that it's snarky.

Now we’re talking!
Better still it’s a family WhatsApp group and you can send a, “we all know Lisa hates kids 🤣 so I’ll stay home with Sun for this one!”

LookItsMeAgain · 23/05/2022 13:38

I realise that this might be an unpopular opinion but the next time you're out and either/both her and BiL are there too, I'd start taking photos of her and posting them to your chat (or even make up a chat group with you and your DH for this or if you have sibling(s), put them in a chat group - just let them know ahead of time that you're doing this so they don't think you're unhinged) with the same type of message that she posted about your son.
He's a child and couldn't defend himself against his uncle and his wife. You, on the other hand, do have the means to defend him and if it was good enough for her to do (even sarcastically) about your DS, it's good enough for you to do about her or them.

FabFitFifties · 23/05/2022 13:43

YANBU to not go, whilst you are still upset. Personally I would be mixing again when I'd had a bit of time and make future decisions based on her behaviour towards or interactions with him.

Moodycow78 · 23/05/2022 13:46

The messages were inappropriate but I could live with them, the fact she took photos of your child to send to strangers would have my blood boiling, you made the right choice not going, set your boundaries on what fuckwitery from them you'll accept now!!

MsMcGonagall · 23/05/2022 13:50

Some sort of short family event where it is possible for you to interact with others from the family and not have to be next to BIL/SIL - maybe consider.

"a family trip away" - no way. Sounds like a nightmare. Leave them to it.

Housewife01 · 23/05/2022 13:52

How has your partner felt about this?
I feel like if this was my DH he would be more annoyed than me!
That was really awful and she is definitely not a person I would ever want my child to be around again no matter if they were family, I would put my foot down.
Especially since you didn't receive an apology, it was 100% not a joke and even if it was it was inappropriate and you all deserved an apology.

Original poster

Pixiedust9 · 23/05/2022 13:56

Yes, I am ashamed at myself for not saying anything at the time as it was very cowardly of me.I still think about all the different scenarios now of what I could of done/said..I just didn't want to be known as the lady that ruined someone else's wedding by causing a scene.I was utterly furious at the time which is why we left.I also did not want to be seen as a troublemaker by the family who were all in attendance.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pixiedust9 · 23/05/2022 14:02

My DH was absolutely furious about what happened, which is why he sent BIL a message.We have been made to sweep the situation under the rug by the rest of the family to keep the peace between him and his brother.I think he has issues standing up to his mother.

OP posts:

Testina · 23/05/2022 14:11

“We have been made to sweep the situation under the rug by the rest of the family”

wait, what? So - you’ve already dragged other family members into this nonsense?

Original poster

Pixiedust9 · 23/05/2022 14:14

Personally I haven't no, BIL mentioned what had happened to there mother over FaceTime.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pixiedust9 · 23/05/2022 14:22

I do plan on mixing again eventually,I just didn't think it was appropriate to go for a weekend away to celebrate her birthday so soon after what had happened.

OP posts:

Housewife01 · 23/05/2022 14:29

Pixiedust9 · 23/05/2022 14:22

I do plan on mixing again eventually,I just didn't think it was appropriate to go for a weekend away to celebrate her birthday so soon after what had happened.

Definitely too soon!
Why would you want to celebrate someone who was so awful about your little one!
It will make a point that she was out of order and maybe draw out the apology that you deserve!
I understand why you didn't cause a scene I probably would have done the same thing. It's not something you were prepared to deal with!
I'd keep away as long as possible. Sounds like DH will support you with that too if he was annoyed by the situation also.

aSofaNearYou · 23/05/2022 14:48

YANBU. It sounds like there are weird dynamics at play because if I'd recounted this tale to my PIL they would have been put off BILs partner too and would understand us not liking her. They might sweep it under the rug but there wouldn't be a fuss about us not going to her birthday weekend.

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