Am I being ungrateful with my life?

[RibNSaucyArseCrack]

I don’t have anyone to talk to in real life. Well I do, but no one really listens to me.

On the surface my life is great, which I think is why no one takes me seriously when I say how unhappy I am.

I have a great husband who adores me, who pulls more than his fair share of weight around the house and is a fantastic dad, friend, just person in general.

I have a 7 year old girl who is awesome. She’s never ever in trouble, I can’t even tell you the last time I had to tell her off for something. She’s incredibly bright, she’s loving, empathetic, funny and beautiful.

I have a 6 month old who is content, happy, rarely cries, will go to absolutely anyone, is always smiling.

We are managing ok on just one wage so are doing well financially.

These are things the no one can get past when I try and take about how exhausted I am and miserable.

my husband works long hours, and is only home for a few hours a day so I do pretty much everything alone, and when he does come home he vents to me about his day (his job is very stressful and he’s dealing with a bully at work). He does ask me about my day of course but I don’t really have a life so I have nothing to tell him.

my daughter is shy and quite anxious and very very needy emotionally. She gets upset if I have to leave her, and had to be physically touching me at all times. I can’t sit on the sofa without her being practically in my lap. The school run is a battle every morning because she doesn’t want to leave me. She is so shy that she won’t try any new things, and she doesn’t stick at anything so the clubs she really wants to do, she quits after the first session because she doesn’t want to try and make friends and wants me to be her only friend. CAHMS saw her once and agreed she is anxious but they don’t need to see her again. I don’t know what to do.

my baby breastfeeds a lot still and will not take a bottle, cup, formula anything. I can’t express more than an ounce so this isn’t an option. It also means I have to do all the night feeds. And I can’t leave him for more than a few hours.

I moved last year, not very far, only about half an hour away but none of my friends bother with me anymore unless I go to them.

im in a perinatal support group for my mental health but because everyone there has it so much worse than I do, no one is really interested in what I have to say.

i feel so invisible. I have bipolar, that I’m currently not medicated for as I’m breastfeeding. I’ve tried alternative meds but they were a lot worse. No one is interested I helping me with trying to get baby off the breast so I can go back on my meds because “I’m managing so well, aren’t I lucky to have such good kids and a lovely husband.”

My bulemia is getting worse. Some days I just hope I die in my sleep.

i know this is long, but I really don’t have anyone else to talk to. Aibu? Am I just being a whiney brat?

Get one-on-one therapy. A group's fine but clearly not enough.

You're not working at the moment, is getting a job something you'd like to do in the near future?

I have a job interview this week, but I assumed I would have gotten baby onto formula by now but he just won’t. I’m going back to uni in September to finish my studies but it just feels such a long way away.

No you're absolutely not being a whiny brat you seem to be very self aware.
I'll stick the kettle on for a cuppa.
In the meantime we are all conditioned to be told "You must be so happy"
""this is the best time of your life" etc.
When you don't feel what you've been told You should be feeling it makes it a thousand times worse.
But if you need me to tell you this..

What you are feeling at this moment is absolutely understandable to what you're going through that's a shed load of stuff on your shoulders.
Keep on posting

Thankyou. This means so much to me. I’m emotionally so exhausted.

you are entirely right to DEMAND help with your mental health. just because things look perfect from the outside does not mean you are not struggling, and you clearly are struggling a lot.

For the baby, pick one brand of bottle & one brand of formula. Offer a bottle of formula every day after the lunch-time nap. Be 100% consistent. It will take 2-4 weeks but baby should learn to drink from the bottle. Then you can start to offer the bottle at other times of day or have DH give baby a bottle at the weekends.

For your 7 year old, maybe she senses you are vulnerable and wants to stay close to you? Is she OK at school? can you invite another child in the class around for a playdate? that is a good way for her to make friends.

And most importantly, do get more mental health support for yourself. Tell your DH you are struggling. Tell everyone.

I’ve self referred for one to one counselling, but because I’m under the care of perinatal still, no one really wants to touch me!

Yeah you can feel very alone when surrounded by people if they're not actually listening to you.
@me if you feel shit. I won't Unwatch your thread anytime soon.
Even if you don't big virtual hug to you. Look after yourself

Thankyou so much. It’s just nice to feel heard.

HI OP - massive sympathies from me - I resonate with some of your post. I have a life which in many ways is 'lucky' and good but feel very sad and anxious a lot of the time - I also have a very anxious 7 year old!

So - a couple of things - firstly, I actually don't agree that your life looks/ sounds great on the surface - does that help ? What you have described sounds lonely and unfulfilling and tiring - you have a baby and you have an anxious child and you are not busy doing a job you enjoy - so you don't have intellectual fulfilment - your husband is disconnected as he is busy with his own life - and you are bearing the massive brunt of parenting in a difficult situation

If you don't have day to day friends - then your mental health is NOT going to thrive - whether or not you feel you 'ought' to be happy - I'm not sure where in your life you would be finding that happiness?

I mean this positively - perhaps it would be better if you felt validtated in hearing that your life does seem like it has some jarring issues that if fixed could help you feel better.

re. your 7 year old - the answer to anxiety is small risk taking - I will send you the link to a recent study that showed that risky and adventurous play helped children with anxiety - children need to gradually build up tolerance to all forms of risk and fear - there is a useful book called helping your child with their fears and worries.

so - I suggest make a list of small things you would like your daughter to be able to do and work on them. Find an after school club maybe that a friend goes to - and absolutely insist she goes but say she can watch at first. That is what I do with mine - we have found things she enjoys in the end. If she really doesnt like it she can just say so. But - I really believe my daughter has benefited from being a little bit pushed. eg she goes to a new school which has bene tough but she is doing ASC once a week despite asking not to - she now enjoys it and her confidence has grown.

its very very hard when you have a baby as you are tired - I would focus a huge effort on your own friendships - even if it means driving to see the peole you know

I totally sympathise with you OP and I would disagree that you are ungrateful - your life sounds defnitely tough to me.

What makes us happy is intellectual fulfilment/ friendship / joy / pleasure/ seeing our kids happy -

I got post natal depression, but it didn’t kick in until I stopped breastfeeding at about 11 months. I was given Prozac by the doctor and felt better in two weeks.

the difference before and after was my inability to cope. After, the things that had been too much, became more easy to deal with. I rediscovered the ability to just be able to get on with it.

This may not be of any use to you because you mention bipolar and other issues.

Its a very difficult time, and I used to view it the same way. I’ve got so much to be grateful for, so why am I so desperate and hopeless.

Just a random vid for you OP
This one always makes me laugh even when I'm at my lowest darkest ebb.
Mum kangaroo rightly protecting her Joey/baby. Cocky bloke thought he was being funny saying "Skip" it's a reference to an old Aussie series

Thankyou everyone. I’m definitely looking forward to going back to work and uni. I’m used to being very busy, and when I’m not busy my brain just stops functioning and I feel so empty. I feel guilty that my family isn’t enough for me to be happy.

My request for one to one counselling has been rejected due to being under perinatal

I don’t have any advice, pbut just to say you are absolutely not being unreasonable! It’s completely understandable that you feel how you do, you are not a whiny brat. So sorry you are not being heard.