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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you wait or get married now?

25 replies

Hiddyhi · 23/05/2022 06:30

Planning a wedding for this summer. Need to put deposit down today. Had my baby 5 months ago and currently breastfeeding. Really want to get married ASAP but I have really bad postpartum hair loss right now episode like really bad and because I'm breastfeeding I can't spray tan (I'm very very pale) or have too many drinks etc on the day. I also have terrible roots and don't want to add dye to my already fragile hair right now.

AIBU to consider waiting til I stop breastfeeding next year (just so I have nice pictures) or is that really shallow and should I just get on with it??

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 23/05/2022 06:31

It's not shallow to want to be able to enjoy your wedding day exactly how you've dreamed of.

ElenaSt · 23/05/2022 06:32

What does your partner think? Is he happy to postpone?

Andromachehadabadday · 23/05/2022 06:32

Honestly I would wait.

I hate getting dressed up and making an effort for a big event when I feel crap about myself.

You want to be happy and relaxed and enjoy it.

But there’s other things to consider, like if you are financially vulnerable until you marry.

But if it was me, I would wait.

KangarooKenny · 23/05/2022 06:34

How soon would you get married ?
A good hairdresser can style your hair to hide the thinning. And you don’t need to tan.

user1477391263 · 23/05/2022 06:35

I would wait one more year. I am a big fan of getting married for financial security, but one year is fine.
If you think you would like to wait longer than that, you could always consider the possibility of doing a registry office wedding now, and a big celebration party later on--although some people on MN seem to hate this idea, so you might want to discuss it with family and friends...

Original poster

Hiddyhi · 23/05/2022 06:35

August

OP posts:

sunlight81 · 23/05/2022 06:36

You will only marry ur fella once - make sure u get to do it in every way you want. U don't get a do over.

If u will feel better about yourself, then waiting is a good idea. Those pics will be with u for the rest of ur life ... no regrets!!!

Zippidy123 · 23/05/2022 06:38

I think I'd wait too. You'll feel so much better in 12 months time and your lovely baby will be an adorable toddler by then who can be more involved with the day.

MushNoPeas · 23/05/2022 06:41

It is completely up to you really, if its a big fancy expensive wedding I'd probably wait, if it's a small quick ceremony and pub meal then I'd go for it now.

BadNomad · 23/05/2022 06:44

A lot can happen in a year. Just make sure wills are up-to-date so you and your baby are covered should anything happen to your partner.

motogirl · 23/05/2022 06:55

I had a small wedding (just witnessed) when dd was 4 months old then a ceremony in church later - meant the legal side was done

Original poster

Hiddyhi · 23/05/2022 06:58

@motogirl this is a consideration. How long did you wait until church ceremony and did it feel weird waiting?

OP posts:

ShandaLear · 23/05/2022 06:59

I would get married privately now and have the big ceremony and party next year if you wanted to look and feel great. In reality though, nobody apart from you looks at the photos more than once or twice. Once you strip away all the trappings of the wedding, the marriage certificate is a legal document and is really by far the most important thing about your wedding. If offers you rights and protections that become much more important now you have a child. If you are married you have the right to your partners pension/home/decisions about his care etc. if anything happens to him. As things stand now, that could all go to his parents.

FlowerArranger · 23/05/2022 07:02

Whats more important to you....... to have a wedding, or to be married?

WimpoleHat · 23/05/2022 07:05

FlowerArranger · 23/05/2022 07:02

Whats more important to you....... to have a wedding, or to be married?

I was going to say that. You have a child. This is now about more than having a party. I wouldn’t wait.

Rainbowqueeen · 23/05/2022 07:09

I wouldn’t wait either.

you can always just do the legal stuff now and do a ceremony and reception in a year.

Don’t leave yourself vulnerable for the sake of nice photos

fossilsmorefossils · 23/05/2022 07:09

You could just go to the registry office now and still do the wedding in august. Most of the wedding are the unofficial bits anyway. Plenty of religious people do it that way, first the official registry with just parents and afterwards the blessing in church or by the imam or whatever priest they have.

Miffee · 23/05/2022 07:22

I got married in similar circumstances. Been married 20 years now. We were young and poor and it was a cut price wedding, I was ill on the day and basically hated it. Whenever my friends got married in the years after I saw the stress and the money they spent and thanked God I did it when I did with little thought or effort. This isn't a smug dig at my friends some of their weddings were lovely and I really enjoyed attending, it's just not for me.

So I suppose it depends on the kind of person you are. I didn't care at the time and just wanted it done with, I have only become more secure I that decision over the years.

I've always been like that, I am not an introvert but hate organising events and being the hostess. Christenings, birthday parties even a funeral (I lost one parent young and had to arrange everything). Maybe reflect on other events you've had to arrange and host and use those experiences to inform your decision. In my experience a wedding is no different.

cptartapp · 23/05/2022 07:25

Marry now.
The first year in a relationship after having a DC is the most testing. Anything could happen.
As a woman, always plan for the worst case scenario.

stanfi · 23/05/2022 07:38

It depends if you primarily want to be married (do it now) or whether you really want a wedding (do it next year)

Personally, as you have a child I would marry now

Thepeopleversuswork · 23/05/2022 07:51

I have to say I find the expectation and pressure placed on weddings utterly mad. It’s not the only time in your life you would worry about looking good is it?

But yes if you’re anxious then delay it I guess!

Dinoteeth · 23/05/2022 07:53

Anything could happen. I think you should do it now.

There are no guarantees in this world, and the way WHO are talking about monkey pox and 21 day isolation worries me, you could be back in a lockdown max 20 guests wedding senerio.
I hope we don't have another lockdown but I wouldn't want to put a wedding on hold just to get the perfect photos

lunar1 · 23/05/2022 07:53

Get married as soon as you can get an appointment, have a wedding whenever you want and are comfortable.

Runningslow · 23/05/2022 07:58

Are you wanting another child reasonably soon ? - if so you may end up postponing indefinitely due to pregnancy and postnatal effects

qpmz · 23/05/2022 08:24

Take the pressure off yourself and postpone. Your baby will be easier to manage when s/he's a bit older so that will be another bonus. You'll feel more like yourself and will be less sleep deprived if you wait.

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