To give up on love?

[CowCuddler]

Just that really. Am 40, divorced with 2dc. I just don't have the time or energy required to find a new partner even though I'd quite like to have one.

Fed up with people saying 'you'll meet someone', 'it'll happen when you're not looking', 'it's not too late' etc etc.

It is too late. As a full time single mum with a full time job, it's just not doable. I don't have the energy to sift through all the weirdos on online dating sites. It's painful. Feel as though it would just be better to accept singledom and cross that particular task off my to do list.

Anyone else accepted they'll be alone for the rest of forever??

I have given up altho I’m still trying to accept it and be at peace with it. I’m 50, have medical issues, physical scars, and I’m overweight so I know I’m done. One day I will be ok with it.😊

Same here. 37, 2 teens. Obese, too mentally unwell to work (although improving and working towards working). Who would even want me.

DCs dad left me 12 years ago.
Had a couple of 'flings'
Dated an abusive man for a year before realising he was abusive.
Met someone, fell head over heels. After 2.5 years he told me he hated my kids and didn't want a family (less than a year later he had a 'step' dd and a baby on the way)
Was getting 'closer' to an old friend. He died.

I'm done. My heart won't take any more.

No. Never give up on love. It is what keeps us from getting bitter and dried up.
Concentrate on what matters for now and look after yourself. Feeling positive and having a happy attitude is what makes us attractive.
You never know what is around the corner

It is what keeps us from getting bitter and dried up

What a load of old shit. You can be perfectly happy living an independent life OP, if that's what you want.

I'm neither bitter nor dried up thank you very much!

I just can't take anymore hurt. And I was perfectly happy to be single (with the occasional shag) for 7 years.

I never assumed anyone was ! All I meant was keep your options open but enjoy your life. Bloody hell, talk about being jumped on. You buggers :)

What an absolutely horrible thing to say.

YA only BU if it’s what you want to do. I accepted it and found it a relief personally.

talk about being jumped on

Because your post was misogynistic

I have, OP.

I'm a full time working single mum too. I'm busy ensuring my ds has the things my ex can't be arsed to give him.

I stopped looking for a new partner after the last three potential relationships, men who were, in their turn, freeloading, controlling and dishonest. And watching my married friends, I don't see anyone who is happy. It's such a sad way of life.
Much better not to waste precious time on men. I'm neither bitter nor dried up, just pragmatic 😄And sad to see lovely, hard working, decent friends being used and abused.

YANBU.

I’ve pretty much given up.
As much as I can.

Sometimes dreams pop-up of ”love” (quotetions because I’m not sure I even believe in love anymore) and having companion and I’m sad for awhile.

I’ve never had any luck, 36 and never been in a relationship.

i had given up and indeed could not understand why anyone even wanted sex. In a loveless marriage and kids had left home and had no hobbies.
Sounds trite but took up a hobby I was really interested in. Hobby people had a barbecue that I really didn’t want to go to but would have been rude just not to turn up. Went and met a guy and was totally smitten -completely unexpected -genuinely the last thing I would have imagined possible. We had a fun 10 months. It has now run its course but my confidence is incalculably higher -have lost weight and made ltd of friends and moved house. I don’t need a partner now as am happy in my life but a boyfriend is just a bonus in the whole mix. Realistically I don’t expect to find a life partner, but friendly dating and a little spark is definitely possible and that’s what I am now open to.

I'm 36 with 2 kids and an exhausting job. Definitely dont have time for anyone in the midst of all that. Even my friendships have taken a back seat but I prioritise when/where I can. Just can't see how someone would slot in to small.segments of time right now.

On the plus side, I was with a group of friends on friday night and one of them (male) was saying how he cant stay out too late as he is already in the dog house with his other half. I was sitting their thinking I do not miss that aspect of having a relationship. Sounds harsh but I've got used to not having to consider a partner as I've been single so long. So there's that.

Thanks for your replies! Good to know I'm not alone. Just think it'll be easier once I've accepted it won't happen, it's just that there's a little hope that's in the back of my mind that I can't seem to kill and it makes me sad.

The rest of my life is pretty good so just need to let that go.

I have also given up but for me it's a source of great joy 😝. I was in a truly crap marriage and being free of 'love' and all it's bullshit is just ... wonderful! So flipping wonderful.

Everything is just so easy now. For example every Christmas I feel smug I only need to get presents for just my family and my dd not someone else and their family and then think of things he can get me and his family can get me. Urg! That's just one thing.

The only thing I miss is the double income but I'm working on improving mine!

I am a massive introvert and I find setting boundaries hard work. That's all relationships seem to be -boundary setting-and it wears me out. When I first got divorced I kept thinking of finding someone else and it made me feel really down. I'd keep making excuses to put off trying for a bit longer so I could be single longer. Then I realised I just didn't need to do it and I felt so happy and have ever since!

Not sure if that's a helpful story or not big hugs OP. Xx

I have I suppose. When my dc were younger I didn't have the childcare or time to commit to dating. Now, I'm juat used to being on my own. I look at those doing OLD and it rarely seems to work out.

I just can't take anymore hurt

Same for me. I can’t give anyone that sort of power over me anymore. I’m in my 50s and I have tried, but now I just want a peaceful, stress free life. Even good relationships require a level of compromise I’m not willing to make now. I’ve come to accept we don’t get everything we want in life and all other areas of my life are pretty good. So I focus on those and being content and happy with my lot.

Why does it have to be forever though? Why not just say “ I have no time for this right now but when the kids are older I’ll re-assess”. Maybe you’ll be happy moving forward single forever but maybe you’ll feel a bit lonely and fancy some company or a FWB at least. It really doesn’t have to be a dramatic lifelong commitment.

Neither dried up or bitter 🙄

Single loud and proud here ✊

I'm happy to keep it that way thank you very much!

You don't need to find a partner to have a glorious fulfilling life

I'm the same op. Been single 13 years now. My time is still completely taken up by my kids and work. Even if I do carve out a bit of time for myself I can't really afford to date.

I am trying to come to terms with it. But it's hard