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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lone parent with no childcare & dental hospital appt

41 replies

SparkleOwl65 · 22/05/2022 21:45

I need to cancel an appt at a dental hospital which is in a city 3 hrs away from me. Not meant to cancel more than once but I have done once before when I had covid. This time my childcare has fallen through and I don't have anyone to have 3yo for 12 odd hours. Don't have money for babysitter for that long. Will call first thing tomorrow but really anxious they're going to cancel my treatment (which has already been started) and I'm going to be left with a half treated tooth. They're really strict with cancellations, but equally they did say most of their patients are from the city they're based in so hoping they'll be sympathetic. Would you be sympathetic to me? Or would you just think I'm taking the piss? AIBU in thinking that being a lone patent throws up so much of these irritations? I'm really struggling with my lack of life atm!

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 22/05/2022 21:47

I wouldn't cancel, I'd try to find childcare. I know it's hard but I'd be wary of them discharging you for no-showing.

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 22/05/2022 21:48

Ah that's rubbish op. Does your dc go to nursery? When we had a funeral to attend dc were both allowed to stay for the morning and afternoon sessions. What about a neighbour? Parent from nursery?

Original poster
SparkleOwl65 · 22/05/2022 21:48

QuestionableMouse · 22/05/2022 21:47

I wouldn't cancel, I'd try to find childcare. I know it's hard but I'd be wary of them discharging you for no-showing.

I have tried. I don't have childcare. My parents both work in jobs they can't just take a day off from, friends do too, my usual childcare has had a family emergency and the other friend who helps out is on holiday. Realistically I have no choice. It's so frustrating in tearing my hair out

OP posts:
Inthesameboatatmo · 22/05/2022 21:49

If you cabtbget childcare you will have to take the child with you. You won't be the only one to do it. Ivebhad to do it on numerous occasions for hospital appointments. Yes it's shit that you have no childcare but neither do lots of single parents and we all manage .

Inthesameboatatmo · 22/05/2022 21:50

Can't get*

Original poster
SparkleOwl65 · 22/05/2022 21:51

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 22/05/2022 21:48

Ah that's rubbish op. Does your dc go to nursery? When we had a funeral to attend dc were both allowed to stay for the morning and afternoon sessions. What about a neighbour? Parent from nursery?

His nursery is fully booked, don't know the neighbours on one side (but weird) and the others are first year students I've not spoken to before. I feel like I've exhausted my options. I've even asked my friend in the city my appt is in if I could drop 3yo to him but he's working. Argh!

OP posts:
rnsaslkih · 22/05/2022 21:51

Take 3 yo in buggy

Original poster
SparkleOwl65 · 22/05/2022 21:51

Inthesameboatatmo · 22/05/2022 21:49

If you cabtbget childcare you will have to take the child with you. You won't be the only one to do it. Ivebhad to do it on numerous occasions for hospital appointments. Yes it's shit that you have no childcare but neither do lots of single parents and we all manage .

They won't see me if I have a child under 12 with me. No exceptions.

OP posts:
Original poster
SparkleOwl65 · 22/05/2022 21:52

rnsaslkih · 22/05/2022 21:51

Take 3 yo in buggy

They won't allow it. They don't make any exceptions. Only 12+ allowed.

OP posts:
Original poster
SparkleOwl65 · 22/05/2022 21:54

Inthesameboatatmo · 22/05/2022 21:49

If you cabtbget childcare you will have to take the child with you. You won't be the only one to do it. Ivebhad to do it on numerous occasions for hospital appointments. Yes it's shit that you have no childcare but neither do lots of single parents and we all manage .

Also I think I'm managing pretty well I just find it hard sometimes. I'm a lone parent which is often (not always) a fair bit different to single parent

OP posts:
Comedycook · 22/05/2022 22:02

Some very unsympathetic responses here. Some medical appointments you can take your DC in a buggy to sit in the room with you but there are plenty where it's not appropriate or allowed. The op needs 12 hours worth of childcare so it's obviously not a quick check up. Sorry I don't have a solution op...what a nightmare. The only option is emergency paid for childcare but it will cost a fortune

QuestionableMouse · 22/05/2022 22:05

Oh I hate that for you! It does sound absolutely impossible.

I think I'd maybe tell a fib and say you have D&V rather than you're having childcare issues. Illness seems to be more acceptable than childcare problems ime.

Hope you get sorted!

Original poster
SparkleOwl65 · 22/05/2022 22:07

I'm so stressed about it as I know they probably don't care what your excuse is as they must hear it all but I really don't know what else to do. I know nobody on here can really help, other than easing my anxiety before bed...

OP posts:
Peanutwaffles · 22/05/2022 22:10

Could you use a childminder? It would be cheaper than a babysitter.

Prometheus · 22/05/2022 22:10

When reading this I expected to read that your parents are dead as you say you have no childcare but you say they are in a job where for some reason they can’t take time off. Assuming your dental problems are serious and it isn’t something cosmetic, I’m sure one of them could take a day off or call in sick, just like they would if they have D&V. Surely if you need dental treatment that badly they would do this for you?

Freddiefox · 22/05/2022 22:12

Don’t tell them, tell them you have covid again and ask them what they want you to do. They will cancel you, then you won’t get discharged.

Rainbowqueeen · 22/05/2022 22:13

How much can you afford to pay? There are nanny agencies who could provide you with care for the day but they would be expensive. Any chance someone can do part of the day and you can hire a nanny for the rest??

HSKAT · 22/05/2022 22:13

When is your app?
Can't you ask one of your parents to help you?

choirmumoftwo · 22/05/2022 22:14

Which city is your appointment in? Posters may have suggestions if they know the location.

Original poster
SparkleOwl65 · 22/05/2022 22:15

My parents can't this last minute. Bit outing but one works in theatres in a hospital and they have people off with covid so stretched and stressed, and the other is a paramedic. They can't just take a day off with 2 days notice.

OP posts:
thebabynanny · 22/05/2022 22:17

How long will your actual appointment be?
Could you afford childcare in the city just for the length of the appointment?
I'd call any childminders in the city or try a babysitting app like Bubble or Childcare.co.uk and see if you can find someone for a few hours to take your child to the park or museum there.

Original poster
SparkleOwl65 · 22/05/2022 22:18

It's in London. I think they'll be very suspicious if I just happen to have covid twice for my dental appts! I have called the usual childminder and they don't have space. Others don't take kids they don't regularly have atm. There's one more I am going to call tomorrow so everything crossed they can help. Realistically £50 is going to be a push as I'm in my overdraft and it's close to payday.

OP posts:
Original poster
SparkleOwl65 · 22/05/2022 22:19

thebabynanny · 22/05/2022 22:17

How long will your actual appointment be?
Could you afford childcare in the city just for the length of the appointment?
I'd call any childminders in the city or try a babysitting app like Bubble or Childcare.co.uk and see if you can find someone for a few hours to take your child to the park or museum there.

It's a 3.5hr appointment.

OP posts:
Jules912 · 22/05/2022 22:20

I wouldn't usually recommend this but I'd tell them you have a D&V bug and I'm sure they'd be happy to reschedule if there's really no way you can bring the child with you.

Bakedpotatoesfortea · 22/05/2022 22:31

I would beg your parents. Yes they will be inconveniencing people at work, but they absolutely are not indispensable. If they had covid or D&V they would have to take off right? This sounds like it is an emergency, and so I would straight up beg them to do it. I'm annoyed at them for not offering, tbh.