Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect DH to make an effort sometimes

3 replies

cardiffgal22 · 22/05/2022 20:18

Me and DH are in our late twenties and don’t have any children. Whenever we go out for a meal or go on holiday or for a weekend away, it’s me that makes a plan before asking if he is up for it (which he always is) and arranges/books this. We have had an argument about him prioritising work and never having any time for me, and it got me thinking that I can’t remember the last time he booked us a table at a restaurant or made any plans for just the two of us himself. For the first couple of years of our relationship he was very good at this and always made an effort to plan things. I don’t expect this very often and it doesn’t have to involve a lot of spend but I feel like unless I make plans, we don’t end up doing anything. Am I expecting too much of him? Do other people’s partners make plans themselves/ do you still go on date nights or should I accept that married life means staying at home watching tv every night?

OP posts:
MargosKaftan · 22/05/2022 20:43

YANBU - can you try having a calm conversation about it? Perhaps frame it as you feel like it's always down to you to arrange date nights, so perhaps you could take it in turns. Could you aim for fortnightly date nights, then once a month you'll hold a Friday or Saturday night that's his night to plan a date night, book a table or buy cinema tickets etc. It goes in your diaries and he is in charge of everything, you just want to be told roughly the dress code.

You will have your night that you are in charge of as well on the other of the fortnight of the month and anything else that happens in between is good. Be flexible so if his night is the 2nd Friday of the month, yet there's a comedian with a show near you on the following Wednesday, that could be his night instead.

11stonesomething · 22/05/2022 20:51

This reply has been deleted

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

TuTuLemon · 22/05/2022 20:54

My DP was like this and I never used to mind but late last year something changed and it started getting me down a bit. So at Christmas I talked to him and I said what I would really like as a present is for him to plan us a day out somewhere, I didn't care where (e.g. it could be 5 mins down the road and I wouldn't care) or what we did but it would just be nice to not have to put any thought into it other than what to wear.

He ended up taking me to Manchester for the night and we had a really great time, he had booked somewhere for tea and a couple of other things to do. Since then he has been a bit more forthcoming with ideas and actually asked me today if I would like to go to London for the weekend next month, I said yes expecting I would have to do all the leg work still but he's actually sat looking at trains and hotels as we speak...

So I suggest you just tell him it's down to him this time, agree a date for it and see what he does?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page