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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boyfriends brother liked my bikini photo on my Instagram. Boyfriend wants me to take it doen

52 replies

Nikki2ol6 · 22/05/2022 08:51

Last year I uploaded a photo of my sunbathing in a bikini in my back garden. With a caption of my plans for the full day (it was due a nice day all day) it got quite a few likes very quickly. One of those was my boyfriends brother who is significantly older than me by around 15 years. My boyfriend seen the picture and didn’t like the picture and yesterday mentioned it and told me to take it down! It’s been up there a full year almost it’s surly a bit late to take it down everyone has seen it now and I personally don’t see what the problem is besides an issue with his brother liking it because that didn’t feel right. Should I do as he asks and take it down?

OP posts:
Testina · 22/05/2022 10:05

I’d dump them boyfriend for deciding the action here is for you to take it down, not for him to speak to his brother. (although : is there anything to speak to him about? You put it up for likes, so 🤷🏻‍♀️)

I’m quite serious about the dumping - that’s a horrible attitude he has.

FlippityFlapperty · 22/05/2022 10:39

@Pandarinio because most social media users are aware that there’s an unspoken rule about how far back you can go into someone’s posts while liking / commenting on them and not seeming slightly stalkery. Surely you’ve seen the posts on here from people who’ve been nosying a year or two back into someone’s Instagram and then accidentally liked an old post and are now panicking? It means that rather than the brother just liking a photo as it pops up on his timeline, he would be actively going onto OP’s page and looking through a year of her past pictures to get that far back to the bikini photo. Big difference and a bit like being caught out.

That doesn’t seem to be what is happening here though. The post was uploaded and liked ages ago.

GladAllOver · 22/05/2022 10:48

Sorry but I think it's tacky to post pinups of yourself on line.
But if you have chosen to do it then it's none of anyone else's business - including your boyfriend.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 22/05/2022 10:55

I never understand why people post bikini pics and then don’t like the idea of people perving on them… you’ve literally uploaded your body for people to look at.

Also no-one was reading your lengthy caption 😂

I do understand why your bf might not like the idea of people (particularly his brother) looking at the picture.

But he shouldn’t ask you to take it down - it’s your choice. If he has a problem with his brother liking it, he should take it up with him.

Daphodils · 22/05/2022 10:56

Isn't the point of posting things on Instagram that people like them? I mean presumably he liked the photo whether it not he "liked" it. Quite possibly his grandfather rather liked it without clicking anything to say so, and his maiden Aunty Val has taken a screenshot and has shared it with some close friends and put it in a special password-protected folder on her phone?

JemimaTiggywinkle · 22/05/2022 10:57

@FlippityFlapperty OP doesn’t say that BIL has liked it recently…. He might have liked it a year ago and BF has only just noticed.

Shoxfordian · 22/05/2022 11:00

No, don’t take it down
Dump the controlling boyfriend

Soontobe60 · 22/05/2022 11:00

No. Don’t let him control you!!!

Lavenderlast · 22/05/2022 11:01

Chocaholic9 · 22/05/2022 08:53

Why would you post a bikini photo anyway? I don't understand why people do this - it's attention seeking. Everyone knows that the only people who like bikini photos on Instagram are thirsty pervs.

This

Alcibiade · 22/05/2022 11:01

Iwonder08 · 22/05/2022 09:49

Posting bikini pictures on social media is attention seeking and you don't get to complain that men look at them. Do you think the picture is fine as long as only young guys look at it? Your boyfriend doesn't get to say what should you do with your pictures on your social media though.

OP is not complaining that men look at her bikini pics, it's her boyfriend who has the issue and wants her to take it down.

Alcibiade · 22/05/2022 11:02

Shoxfordian · 22/05/2022 11:00

No, don’t take it down
Dump the controlling boyfriend

Yup. Dump him and move on. If he wants you to take down bikini pics now, he will be telling you how to dress once you're married.

Readtheroom · 22/05/2022 11:07

How would you feel if he posted a photo of him in his boxers at the gym. That would be the male equivalent

greatblueheron · 22/05/2022 11:12

Make your own decision about the photo.

Dump the boyfriend.

He doesn't get to choose your wardrobe or your photos.

ProfessorFusspot · 22/05/2022 11:15

Sorry, I may have misunderstood the voting. I voted YABU as you're being unreasonable to think of taking it down if you don't want to and have no reason to. (Of course you don't have to dump the bf - just tell him no on this issue.)

GingeryLemons · 22/05/2022 11:15

Man: I want to control your life choices
Woman: asks MN for advice
MN: We want to control your life choices, too

OP, I'd say get rid of the controlling boyfriend, and ignore the controllers here, too. But whatever you decide, don't ever give up your power over your own life.

Eightiesfan · 22/05/2022 11:19

If you are confident enough to post a bikini pic of yourself sunbathing on SM then you can’t choose who and who doesn’t see it/like it. Why would you distinguish between a complete stranger or someone you know?

As I always told my DN, if you don’t want a sixty-year-old man in his underpants looking at your photo, tighten up you security settings or don’t post it.

Eightiesfan · 22/05/2022 11:21

Eightiesfan · 22/05/2022 11:19

If you are confident enough to post a bikini pic of yourself sunbathing on SM then you can’t choose who and who doesn’t see it/like it. Why would you distinguish between a complete stranger or someone you know?

As I always told my DN, if you don’t want a sixty-year-old man in his underpants looking at your photo, tighten up you security settings or don’t post it.

Oops, just re-read, ignore me, if you don’t care why should you BF, leave it up!

SeemsSoUnfair · 22/05/2022 11:34

I liked a picture of a friends girl friend on holiday in a bikini. Does that make me a creepy lesbian? 🤔 Thankfully I'm too old to give a toss about these unwritten rules 🤣

If it doesn't feel right or you are going to assume ridiculous things when people simply like a picture on social media then probably best to stop posting bikini pictures.

If you do feel ok posting bikini pictures on social media, ditch the bf. It is weird and possessive to tell you what you can and cannot do and it never ends well.

ispepsiokay · 22/05/2022 11:54

Post what you like, it's nobody else's decision but yours.

The brother might have just liked it in a glad you're having a good day kind of way - it doesn't automatically mean he's stored it for wank fodder.

The boyfriend sounds ridiculous and immature, tell him to grow up (or get rid).

Grapewrath · 22/05/2022 12:02

The OP didn’t ask for opinions on whether she should post a bikin pic. She wanted advice on whether she should take it down.
OP if you like the pic, don’t take it down. If you think your brother in law is being creepy then remove him but I wouldn’t over think it. Your boyfriend is being controlling and trying to dictate what you do with your own body.
Regarding posting pictures online- the OP obv liked that picture of herself and felt body confident which is great, so wanted to share it. Millions of people post pictures every day, for the same reason OP did- to share them.Mumsnet is so weird and stuffy about this kind of thing

PinkArt · 22/05/2022 12:04

My boyfriend seen the picture and didn’t like the picture and yesterday mentioned it and told me to take it down!
Yeesh, he told you to? Your Insta, your body, your choice. If he has an issue with his brother's actions then he should talk to his brother, not punish you. There's more than a waft of 'well she was asking for it dressed like that' about his thinking here, which would be a big red flag for me.

BraveryBot9to5 · 22/05/2022 12:10

What difference does it make what age the boyfriend's brother is? If you put the photo up, you cant control who likes it. Are you only comfortable with "non-creeps" liking the photo?

Not pro-creep here but if you put a bikini pic up...... i think the creeps are the most likely people to like it.

Pandarinio · 22/05/2022 12:10

Why is your boyfriend scrolling through your old Instagram and noticing who else is liking each picture. Is he controlling in other ways?

MargotMoon · 22/05/2022 13:42

If your boyfriend has a problem trusting his brother's motives, he should be talking to him about it, not you.

But if it's your motives he doesn't trust then you have a boyfriend problem. So unless you've ever given him any reason not to trust you, stand firm and leave up the picture

Chickychoccyegg · 22/05/2022 14:21

I don't see the problem with your boyfriends brother liking a picture you've posted on social media.
Assuming you and his brother follow each other on Instagram, he would have seen it regardless of weither he had liked it or not.
It's most likely he put a like to it to be nice, no reason to think he's perving at you for god sake.

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