A sex one...

[sillysally44]

My dh and I have not had sex for 6 months. This is mainly due to me having some health issues in pregnancy and then becoming too big and now I am still recovering. So genuine reason and I'm grateful not to have been made to feel guilty and pestered like so many other women talk about on here.

However I'm concerned that dh just doesn't seem bothered at all! He is 10 years older than me and our sex life has never been regular. He has low libido but I'm not especially bothered either so once a fortnight was ok with me. However now I'm really starting to miss intimacy.

I'm feeling a lot better now but so much time has passed I'm not sure how to re initiate sex again. And we now have a new baby around which is another obstacle. We rarely have spontaneous sex as he uses viagra so it usually requires a little planning. I just feel like it's been so long that I don't know how to bring it back again. He has said he wants to when I'm able but makes no effort or shows any interest in initiating anything. It's become a bit of a source of anxiety for me as I just feel like he's not bothered about a sex life at all. What do I do?

He can’t really win though. If he was asking for sex he would be a sex pest, but in this case he’s not bothered.
Tell him you’re ready to try again, and get in with it. Once you’ve had the first one you’ll be back in the groove.

In the kindest possible way have you considered if he is potentially gay? I do not say this lightly but my ex boss' husband was like this and it turned out he was gay but it was ingrained in him to do the marriage and children thing and he was basically living a lie. I'd start by having a proper conversation with him, he's your husband just say "I'm feeling better now and ready for sex how about you" and see his reaction.

You have had a baby with this man. Surely you are able to speak to each other? Is sex a taboo subject because of his need for viagra? Did you have a talk about ID before he was prescribed them?
I know 6 months is a long time but I don't think sitting down and having a conversation about you being ready for sex should be awkward. He might be thrilled?
If you don't have the conversation it sounds like you may go through the remainder of your marriage without any or very little intimacy.
Bite the bullet. Good luck 💐

It can feel a bit awkward if it hasn't happened for a while. Do you kiss and cuddle up much? If not, that might be a good place to start! I was on bed rest with a difficult second pregnancy and it was difficult to get back into it at first (felt weirdly embarrassing!) but we got there bit by bit.

Wow that didn’t take long for someone to assume he’s gay and living a lie just because he has a low sex drive

Is it sex he’s not interested in OP, or you?

Have you told him your ready to start having sex again. Since your the reason you haven't had sex for 6 months your the one needing to say it, he's not a mind reader and is probably just waiting on you to say when your ready and not rush you

He's very tactile and affectionate as well as being an all round lovely husband so I don't think it's me. And I have literally no reason to suspect he could be gay

He has always had a lower libido than me and has taken viagra for a while, before we were even together I believe. He didn't tell me about this as he was embarrassed but I found the packets a few years ago which prompted a conversation about it.

I do need to talk to him but it's difficult. I have mentioned it a few times casually and nothing has come from it. I'm worried that this is just how we are now. He does say he misses it and wants to but those are just words. His actions don't seem to reflect this and I get the impression that if I say or do nothing this could carry on indefinitely.

You want it OP so you need to take the lead rather than expecting him to do it. He can obviously live without it so is unlikely to make the first move, just ask him if you can plan an evening together. Plan it a few days before so he has time to mentally prepare and to decide when to take the viagra, and try to organise it around baby (as much as that's possible!)

No point mentioning it casually, you need to get to the point - and if he doesn't want a sex life any more then he needs to be clear about that so you know where you stand. It might just feel like a lot of hassle to him now with all the planning required but he needs to be considerate of you and make the effort - or be clear that he doesn't want it any more.

My thought wasn't that he might be gay or might not like you but that he might be asexual?