My ex is married to an abusive controlling women

[Lillimae32]

My ex and I are good mates and I’ve been trying to support him through his relationship struggles. He’s married to this women who he describes as ‘mental’.. insensitive terminology I know. She got him arrested her ‘assaulting’ her when he basically didn’t touch her. They were supposed to be taking a break (legally enforced) and his main concern was how he was going to pay the bills (she’s the main earner). Shes been arrested before for (actually) assaulting him and she’s previously said he’s only allowed to chat to me if she’s on the room at the same time. Mad as he’s been my ex for over ten years and I’m happily married now anyway. Am I overstepping the mark by trying to make him see sense?

Seems very toxic for everyone involved. I would cut all ties tbh

I would be very careful here, remember you only have his version, and of course him calling her 'mental' is textbook.

What is a 'legally enforced' break?

Try to detach if you can. Safest for you.

@FlibbertyGiblets I only have his side but I know he’s not abusive from experience. Plus every time she’s phoned the police he’s been let go after questioning whereas she was actually charged. Legally enforced break means police said they can’t go within a certain distance of each other. I would distance myself but I feel like I’m watching a train wreck about to happen and what to stop it.

What does "basically didn't touch her" mean? Surely he either did or didn't.

To be honest I would distance yourself, it sounds like a very toxic relationship and if after they've had the police involved so much and he sees her as mental, he hasn't left her then he isn't going to regardless of what you say/do.

I'd just make it clear that you'll be there for him if (when) it all goes down the pan but right now you're taking a step back

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Keep well out of it.

Nothing good is ever going to come out of your involvement here. If their marriage is awful, let them work through it and just be mates with him when he’s single.

As an aside, I’m always wary when someone accuses a partner of being “mental”. It’s somewhat of a red flag, particularly in situations like this.

Ok, thank you for explaining.

Didn’t touch her. Not sure why I wrote basically.

Not sure what the bills has got to do with anything.

They aren’t together so he now needs to cover his own bills but I don’t get why that’s part of it.

Do they have kids? You can support him, but you can’t make him see he needs to not go back.

Keep out of it. He's an adult, he can fuck up his life if he wants. Maybe point out the Depp Vs heard case, might help him.

Stay out of it they are separated he needs to deal with it don't fall into the trap of fixing things for him he is a big boy