Toddler left in car along to tantrum

[EvergreenForest]

So I've name changed for this as genuinely a little scared of AIBU. But I relayed this incident to a friend who thinks IWBU whilst I don't think I was. So putting it out there to see what consensus is. Sorry it's long but hopefully paragraphs are back working.

I was walking home from meeting my friend at the park with my 4 month old and 2.5 year old. On my road which is not a main road but fairly busy we passed a parked car (on the road) with the back door ajar and a child crying in it.

The child was I guess 3/4 years old and properly crying. I looked around to see if there were any adults or if the nearest house had any doors/windows open or if I could see anyone standing nearby. No one.

I stuck my head in the door and asked if she was ok and was she hurt. She just replied 'want mummy' through the tears. I asked if this was her house (pointed to the one car was parked in front of) and she nodded.

At this point I wasn't sure what to do but had been hovering or talking to her for maybe 4 minutes so decided to knock on the door.

It was a full frosted glass door and I could see someone walking from the garden out the back to open it.

A woman opened it and this was the conversation. (I may have paraphrased but broadly as it went)
Me: hi, I'm so sorry to trouble you but I was just passing and noticed the girl in the car. She's asking for her mummy and seems upset-I wasn't sure if you knew which house she lived at.
Woman: it's fine. She's cooling off as was naughty earlier and wouldn't come out the car. I've told her she can come in when she's calmed down and stops crying.
Me: pause ahhh ok. I just wasn't sure as I couldn't see anyone watching her and I also live on this road and know there can be a lot of foot traffic-think you may get a few people knocking on the door!
Woman: Well. When she's calmed down, she can come in. We're in the garden, we can hear her crying so will know when she stops.
Me: Right, I mean I've just spoken to her and she's asking for her mummy so I reckon if someone came out and had a chat with her she's probably calm down enough to come in now.
Woman: audible sigh. God, if you're going to make such a fuss about it.
She then pushes passed me and goes to the car.
I move back to the pavement to the pram I have. I hear her gets the little girl out who's still crying. As she is walks back into the house with her she says 'in future, mind your own business, she would have calmed down eventually but now I've got to deal with it all over again'.

Not sure what she meant by that-the girl was still crying so I imagine it meant she'd have to sort it out inside.

Anyway, sorry for the long story.

So I don't think I was unreasonable to knock on the door- I had no idea what the issue was and was just faced with a crying small child.

My friend thinks I should have walked away as soon as the woman said she was being left outside to tantrum. I disagree and think

1. it's a fairly busy road and she wasn't strapped in.
2. the door was ajar (I guess due to hot day) and anyone could have grabbed her or she could have wandered off
3. it was clear the rest of the family were in the garden so had no eyes on her
4. in spite of the above, who leaves a 3/4 year old (I'm giving the benefit of the doubt as I'd say 3 at a push!) out in the car crying their eyes out and expecting them to calm down on their own!!

Madness

Ok, so was I unreasonable to knock on the door? Should I have walked away after the first comment?

Argh! Title should read alone not along

Omg YANBU! Unbelievable and I'd report this to SS.

That's horrible, who could so that to their own little child, terrible! I would struggle to be friends with someone who thought that was acceptable.

That’s so cruel and dangerous

id also report her to the police if child left alone again; and / or Social services to flag the family needing support

You absolutely did the right thing.
Thank you🙏

I think I would have done the same as you. The mum is lucky it was you that spoke to the child and not some pedophile. I get the mum needed space but I would have had to keep an eye on the car (not that I think I would have left her) and came out as soon as you were there to say she was being watched. YANBU

No way would I do that, leaving a little one alone and out of sight in an unlocked car, anything could happen. You definitely did the right thing OP.

you absolutely did the right thing. That is so cruel and unsafe. I hope it makes the parent think twice before doing that again.
it’s fine to let your child calm down but not in that situation!
glad there are people like you who wouldn’t just walk by.

I called the police once child left alone hot day in the car I hung around for about ten minutes then called it in the child was screaming so loud I was at the children centre when she came in later ranting and crying about someone calling the police on her for taking her shopping in and leaving her unattended she was lying the door was locked her house door was closed and it took the police awhile to get there that kid was unattended and sobbing

You could ring your local safeguarding hub at the council and report - no its not safe, its a huge safeguarding concern, not just for the reasons you already listed but what if a vehicle hit the parked car, she's not strapped in, she'll be hurt.
SS wouldn't go running in over one call about a concern, but you don't know if its part of a larger picture and all information is good information.

I'm coming at this from years of safeguarding training and also years of my own tantrumming kids - I'd make it a race to get out the car and into the house or garden where they can be safe, then let them calm down!

Yanbu. Aside from the safety aspect, doing stuff like that doesn't result in a well behaved child long term, it results in an angry child and a crap relationship between parent and child.

She's a fucking idiot.

When I was a child my mum had a support worker. I would cry and scream and they would tell her to shut me in my room to calm down. I couldn't get out because I couldn't reach the handle. I was about the same age as the child you describe in your OP. Obviously it didn't work. Not sure what the policies are now but if you report it I hope you don't get someone who doesn't know how to do their job.

Oh my god report this abuse asap please

You did well to keep calm and speak reasonably to her. I fear I would have given it to her straight as soon as I knew the child was hers. She put her child at risk in several ways and she deserves to be reported and I would have told her that.
I dealt with a few tantrums but not once did I leave my child like that.

That is so cruel psychological abuse leaving her like that what the hell is wrong she doesn’t deserve to be punished like that

Yep you did the right thing - if she could have heard the kid crying, she could also have heard someone talking to her child, and surely anyone would have come out on hearing a stranger talking to their small child all alone in the street?!

She didn't hear, because she couldn't, and she put her child at risk. And clearly still thinks that was acceptable.

So yes I would report that to SS.

I'm glad it's pretty unanimous on here. You definitely were not being unreasonable. The woman is an idiot and so is your friend for saying you were unreasonable. You did the right thing OP, absolutely!