Time off school for grief

[Stressedmama33]

My son is 9. Hadn't seen his dad for just over 2 years, due to court order-his dad was an alcoholic. He died quite a few weeks ago and funeral was only last week.
My son has struggled, understably...but I think since the funeral it has really hit him as it was the first time he actually got concrete proof that his dad has died...seeing the coffin etc.

He's an incredibly sensitive, gentle, caring, anxious boy but he's been so angry this weekend. I realise this is all part of the grieving process and I've allowed him to feel his feelings and explained its ok to let it all out, but I'm worried that going back to school on Monday isn't a good idea. When his dad died, he was on half term which certainly helped but he finds school very anxiety producing as it is. Should I keep him home and just spend some time with him. Phone the doctors for a sick note for him? He sees a school counsellor but think he needs something more. I spoke to a charity and they offered counselling but it's too far to travel to unfortunately.

Send him to school. Best place for him. Particularly if they're supportive.

I'd keep him home YANBU

School could be a welcome diversion for him in these circumstances.
As long as school are aware, they will surely keep an eye on him and offer extra support, should he need it?
Condolences.

The normality of school can really help, and most schools have good welfare resources these days. I’d send him in.

You know you son best but when my sister died suddenly and her little girl lost her mum, my niece went to school every day
the school were/are amazing with her and was/is important for her to keep to a routine

I’d keep him at home for a bit longer, he needs to be with his mum. He’s dealing with some difficult emotions.

How long for? A day? Week? Month? If OP does that, which of course is an option, she needs a plan. You can't be reactive when you're talking about a child's education. You can't just say 'he'll be back at some future point when he feels up to it.'

School already makes him anxious. Keeping him away will exacerbate that, possibly to the point that he becomes avoidant.

Far better to keep going and to access the support that's available in school. Plus he sees his friends.

This. All day long.

It genuinely might help him to go.

Put him to school but tell him if he wants to come home to call you

My default would be go to school but make it clear he can come home if he is struggling.

I was back at school two days after my dad died and found the normality of school comforting. That doesn't mean it's the right approach for everyone though.

Not only has he got grief for bereavement there's grief about the quality of relationship. Many adults struggle to deal with such situations.

Have you got child bereavement charities in your area? My county has a service. It's not one-to-one counselling but it's hugely helpful. Group sessions, activities, days out etc.

Try Winstons wish.

Maybe talk to the school on monday and see what they suggest.

When my DS lost his best friend, I gave him two days to call down at anytime, asked him to go back and said you may as well go and get all the questions over and done with. Once the two days were used up we agreed two further days to be taken separately before the end of the school year, he didn't use them, but he was glad of them in the background if that makes sense.

I think it really depends on whether he has good friendships with some of his classmates, who will be kind and hopefully provide some distraction and some fun and laughter, to be really honest.

Totally disagree that school is automatically the best place.

If he has no solid friendships, it might be a really lonely place to sit with his grief at this raw stage.