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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Does this sound like a begging scam and would you contact social services?

37 replies

ohmyfod · 21/05/2022 11:56

Listed a huge bag of DD’s baby clothes on Facebook marketplace for £20. Got a message from a very keen mum. She said she couldn’t pay me back until she had some money, she’s a self employed beautician apparently. I was fine with this. Maybe naive of me but she was saying how black mold had been found in her 4 month old’s wardrobe and she’d had to throw everything out so needed the clothes ASAP. I gave her a time to pick up the clothes. She showed up with baby in tow and was very overly thankful. I offered her a hot drink because she looked absolutely knackered and she’d travelled across the city on the bus. She accepted.

I didn’t ask about her DC but she saw a photo of mine, asked their ages and then got onto the topic of her 2 older children. She said her ex had taken them back to their home country in Eastern Europe without her permission and that she was devastated because the international police weren’t doing enough to track them down and she couldn’t go because of the baby and having no money. She started showing me pictures of them as well, though she wasn’t in any of the pictures. I didn’t really know what to say so I just offered a listening ear and nodded along. She then said she was terrifed of having this baby taken away as well. She was on the verge of tears. Eventually she left.

It’s a few days now since the day she said she’d get paid from a client and apparently pay me back. I wanted to just let her off, clearly she is struggling. But DH thinks she’s full of shit and thinks the sob story was false so we’d let her off, and he doubled down on getting her to pay. Tbf we aren’t made of money and could actually do with the £20.

I decided to have one attempt and sent her a polite message asking if she had been paid yet and saying if not we could plan another day for her to pay me. She replied with another long spiel about how she’s desperately sorry but she’s decided to save every penny she has towards hiring a private investigator to find her kids. After reading that message I knew where the situation was going. I should’ve just blocked her then but instead I sent a nice message telling her not to worry about it and that I’d let the money go. I think this made me look like a soft touch and she sent me another message then again thanking me and offering to bake me a cake instead and bring it round. This creeped me out a little so I blocked her. I’ve been on edge worried that she’s going to turn up.

For what it’s worth I think the story about her kids is true and she is probably a just desperate distraught mum but I’m sure she was trying to get me to give her money. DH thinks it’s false and he’s now worried she’s part of some organised crime gang and came round to scout the house out for a future robbery, which I think is ridiculous. He also thinks we should report her to social services and says we don’t even know if that baby was even hers. I see his point but she seemed genuine to me and I’d feel terrible. Even if we did report her we don’t have an address to go on, just her picture and name on Facebook and if she is dodgy it’s no doubt a false name.

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 21/05/2022 11:58

You were scammed. Sorry OP.

WeOnlyTalkAboutBruno · 21/05/2022 11:59

Probably just a desperate mum on the bones of her arse. Put it down to a kind thing you’ve done, and move on.

Maybe I’m naive though 🤷🏻‍♀️

KnitPurlKnitPurl · 21/05/2022 12:01

I think you're both partly right.

You are absolutely right that she was trying to get money from you. He is absolutely right that her story is made up.

You've been scammed out of your clothes, which she's probably selling on Ebay. I think the "organised crime gang" is a bit of a reach, they're not exactly a decent gang to put all that effort in for £20. Your big mistake was inviting her in, giving her a cuppa and a chance to spin her yarn, and allowing her to leave without your £20 and with the goods.

nomistake · 21/05/2022 12:01

But OP invited her in for a drink. The woman wouldn't have had the opportunity to reel off the sob story if it was fake if she hadn't come into the house. I'd be inclined to believe her and forget about the £20. Good karma for you OP.

ohmyfod · 21/05/2022 12:03

I know I say in my OP I believe the story about her older DC but I’m 50/50 really. I keep changing my mind.

I’m inclined to think that she’s genuinely just a desperate mum trying to look after her baby but the rest is probably false.

OP posts:
mommaof1 · 21/05/2022 12:06

It'll be fine, seems like her story is fake but you've done a good thing! Just keep thinking that, we all learn from our mistakes.

Holidayroundthecorner · 21/05/2022 12:08

My dd's bff is a SE beautician.. Makes 1 k every week end....
You have been scammed.

x2boys · 21/05/2022 12:09

Just let it go ,she's a user but there is nothing you can do now.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/05/2022 12:16

As PPs have said, put it behind you; almost certainly you've been scammed (the clue's when the story ramps up once they detect sympathy) but at least it wasn't out of something massively valuable

I'd be careful with anything else you list though; even if she doesn't reappear she could easily send pals round with an even worse story

minou123 · 21/05/2022 12:17

Its hard to say if it was a scam or she told you a true story.
What she said could genuinely have happened. But then again there are loads of false sob stories to try and get free things on SM.

I'm like you, 50/50.

I think your DH is perhaps being a little extreme about it bring an organised crime group.

I know £20 is a lot, it is for me too, especially in these times. But I think you may have to take this as a lesson learnt and thank, whatever entity you believe in, that at least it wasnt £200.

ohmyfod · 21/05/2022 12:26

DH is going over the top with it all and is convinced the baby isn’t even hers and we’re going to get burgled

OP posts:
Mindymomo · 21/05/2022 12:38

There is a single mum with several children on our local facebook group. Anything going free she says yes to. I presume she sells on as she literally says yes to everything. If she admitted that she couldn’t pay the £20, I would probably say don’t worry.

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 21/05/2022 12:42

You 100% got scammed. The hallmarks are all over the sob story, and you need to up your street smarts if you don't want it to happen again, tbh.

I doubt you'll get burgled or targeted by a gang, it was a petty small stakes scam and it's much less risky just to continue targeting you for more of the same rather than escalate into obvious crime.

SisterAgatha · 21/05/2022 12:49

Mindymomo

I see my cousin saying yes to absolutely everything and I know for sure she is using it (single working mum to 7 children) or passing it to her equally destitute friends. Not everyone is selling on to eBay, my cousin probably doesn’t even understand PayPal and wouldn’t have the time to go to the post office and wait in line for 67 pence on a used 8 times baby gro.

but that said, this one just wanted the free clothes and to tell her story to someone who would listen. I’d leave it now. Best you could do is just watch the FB group and see if she’s a regular offender and then if you cared enough, report to mods who will remove her.

Ownedbymycats · 21/05/2022 13:01

Door step pick up in future and don't give anything away until you're paid.
It all sounds emotionally exhausting over £20 of secondhand clothes so just walk away from it.
I'm sure this woman won't want to see you again so doubt if she'll want to burgle you.

ohmyfod · 21/05/2022 13:31

I don’t think she’ll be selling the clothes on, I think she genuinely needed them. Her baby was in a dirty white grow covered in a similarly dirty blanket. It’s part of why DH thinks we should go to social services and that’s the main point of my AIBU I suppose. I don’t feel it’s necessary and we know nothing about this woman, she’s just a random from Facebook Marketplace.

OP posts:
ohmyfod · 21/05/2022 13:33

And she showed me the photos of the mold in baby’s wardrobe and on the clothes.

OP posts:
Sugarplumfairy65 · 21/05/2022 13:35

WeOnlyTalkAboutBruno · 21/05/2022 11:59

Probably just a desperate mum on the bones of her arse. Put it down to a kind thing you’ve done, and move on.

Maybe I’m naive though 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree with you.
It sounds like the woman is struggling

ohmyfod · 21/05/2022 13:40

I agree I just see her as a vulnerable young mum with a baby who is clearly financially struggling and maybe out of desperation made up a story in an attempt to get some extra money for the child she does have.

But DH thinks she’s some hardened criminal gang member who has targeted us, and thinks she needs to be reported. He’s been reading too many stupid online articles I think.

OP posts:
ohmyfod · 21/05/2022 13:44

I will add that in the time period between her taking the clothes and the date she said she pay me (when she didn’t) she tried to friend request me on Facebook.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 21/05/2022 13:44

I don't think it's a scam. She told you she didn't have the money so you could have chosen to not give her the stuff. As you did chose to give it to her I think you should write off the 20 quid and learn from it.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 21/05/2022 13:46

Do you live in London? I’m gonna assume your DH has little contact with gangs.

IncompleteSenten · 21/05/2022 13:48

Yes. You were scammed.

She's probably going to try to beg for money to 'help her get her kids back' now she thinks you are a soft touch.

I have no money for the solicitor poor me oh my poor children I only need....

ohmyfod · 21/05/2022 13:55

@Windbeneathmybingowings. We’re in Wales there were rag articles a few months ago about Romanian crime gangs operating in our town and child trafficking bla bla bla. Because this women was from eastern Europe I think he’s paranoid about her. He’s not typically xenophobic he just has those articles in mind I think. I’ve tried to set him straight.

I think it was a scam but more of the “desperate mum trying her luck” variety than anything that presents any real threat.

OP posts:
GregBrawlsInDogJail · 21/05/2022 14:08

ohmyfod · 21/05/2022 13:44

I will add that in the time period between her taking the clothes and the date she said she pay me (when she didn’t) she tried to friend request me on Facebook.

Well yeah, she knows you're a sucker who can be milked for more. Easy way to keep track of you and feed you more BS. If she was genuine and knew she wouldn't be able to pay you, she'd most likely be far too embarrassed to do any such thing.