About DH's volunteering?

[PangolinPie]

Suspect I may be, but not entirely. DH started voluntarily coaching at ds14 weekend football team (pre-covid) as the other volunteer dad coach stopped. This was to help out in addition to the main coach. He took it up on the understanding it would be him and another volunteer who would alternate alongside the main coach, other volunteer never materialised. He also took it up to help improve ds confidence and motivation with football. Since then, ds has left the team. It means every weekend, both days, I am left several hours, and walk the dog alone (dog was got as something dh and I would walk together). Dh regularly moans about having to do the training and matches. I was under the impression that at the end of this season he was going to give it up, as that's what he has said since ds gave up about 6 months ago. However he's now saying he's "thinking about keeping it on". I strongly suspect this is because he's procrastinated for so long about talking to the main coach that he feels guilty about leaving and it's FAR easier to let me down than him. I kept telling him to bring it up sooner so coach could lobby for another volunteer but dh can procrastinate until the cows come home. I'm really fed up. But he's got pissed off with me and snapped that it's "his decision" even though it impacts me and our weekends together. It also means he's often neglecting the few household chores he has because he's "too tired" from football. Aibu?

I think he may moan to you but secretly he enjoys it and has no intention of giving it up.

He absolutely does not enjoy it, but he is a very "duty-bound" sort of person and over the years he has regularly put stuff before me because of it.

If his child is no longer in the team he def has a great excuse to step down. He should just say he's no longer able to help - could be maybe go to the club rather than the coach?

Well, ask him how he's going to walk the dog and do his chores in addition to the football training. Tell him that you will be leaving the house for several hours every weekend day, as he has been doing. Then do it.

Spell out to him that this is his free time and you want equal amounts of free time, and on your return you expect the dog walked and xyz chores done. Shut him down as soon as he moans and say that's his fun/leisure time choice so how can he moan about it?

What a ridiculous situation. YANBU.
I too suspect he enjoys it - or - enjoys having an excuse to absolve himself of family responsibilities under the guise of a selfless cause. It may also be the power/prestige he enjoys rather than the actual coaching.

If DS has left the team then he needs to step down and let someone else take it on. I don't know of many volunteer coaches who continue if their child has left the team. I'm surprised they are expecting him to. Maybe he is hoping DS will join again.

In my experience, it's usual when the child leaves a team, the volunteer dad leaves at the same time. If the child goes up to the next age group, dad follows, if the child gives up so does the dad.
I expect the coach is surprised, probably grateful too, that your DH is still there, so may be waiting for you DH to leave.

I'm pretty sure of this too but not surprised the coach won't bring it up if DH doesn't.

Too 'tired' from coaching?

Thank God he doesn't play then, poor (lazy) bastard would be really knackered

There should be scope to volunteer ~ every other weekend & thus less frequent volunteering. This is how one local team worked. They had 1 main coach but a small bevy of other dads who would step in when necessary. Main coach worked offshore so away for 3 weeks at a time, and very hands on & involved when he was onshore.

it's nice that he's willing to help out but if it leaves him too tired for regular life, he needs to give someone else that opportunity.