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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to help out

16 replies

Desolate2nite · 21/05/2022 00:05

My ex had a stroke a month ago and I have been having him over to my house when I'm off work. I had minor surgery yesterday and am still in a fair amount of pain. I didn't sleep last night and am struggling tonight. The surgery was on my head, so it's hard to get comfortable.
I could really do with not having him over this weekend, but I feel awful for letting him down.
What would you do?

OP posts:
PinkWisteria · 21/05/2022 00:12

You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else.

Tothepoint99 · 21/05/2022 00:14

As above

Aubriella · 21/05/2022 00:51

He is your ex.

So upsetting to read about women putting their exes above their own health.

Please prioritise yourself and your health, you could make yourself worse.

Tulips21 · 21/05/2022 00:52

Aubriella · 21/05/2022 00:51

He is your ex.

So upsetting to read about women putting their exes above their own health.

Please prioritise yourself and your health, you could make yourself worse.

Agree

Notimeforaname · 21/05/2022 00:54

You mind yourself, he'll mind himself.

Feel better soon op

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 21/05/2022 00:55

As above. But when you have been at work he has either managed or had alternative arrangements for help. He will
have to either do that this weekend or - it might be time for him to be alone to see just how much he truly can do at this stage of his recovery. Which might be more than he has the confidence to try and know. Which could be a good thing.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/05/2022 00:57

What would I do? Not a tenth of what you've done already. Get some rest, woman.

thistimelastweek · 21/05/2022 00:58

What would I do?

I'd let him down. Or to re-phrase, I would put my needs first.

FictionalCharacter · 21/05/2022 02:33

Aubriella · 21/05/2022 00:51

He is your ex.

So upsetting to read about women putting their exes above their own health.

Please prioritise yourself and your health, you could make yourself worse.

This all day.

Natty13 · 21/05/2022 02:56

What I would do is look after myself and my health but this is Mumsnet where the martyr reigns supreme.

FlowerArranger · 21/05/2022 03:02

How old are you, and have you always been a people pleaser martyr?

Time to look after your own needs and best interests.💐

Imogensmumma · 21/05/2022 03:06

You have been very generous to help him in the past, you are a much nicer person than I am caring for an ex.

The ex is the key part of the equation you don’t need to or should feel you have to care for them. Relax and get the TLC you need. Hope there is someone to care for you OP

KangFang · 21/05/2022 03:35

Wow.
What is it that you think you owe him?

I would draw a line under this immediately.
Tell him that you can't have him anymore, due to your own poor health.

He's had a very nice ride so far hasn't he, so he should be grateful to you but I suspect that he'll throw your kindness back in your face.

Rainbowqueeen · 21/05/2022 03:54

Prioritise yourself
His friends and family can help him. Hope you’re better soon

Original poster
Desolate2nite · 22/05/2022 10:43

Thanks for the comments. Yes, I am putting myself first.
@Natty13 I am not being a martyr

OP posts:
clpsmum · 22/05/2022 11:01

Aubriella · 21/05/2022 00:51

He is your ex.

So upsetting to read about women putting their exes above their own health.

Please prioritise yourself and your health, you could make yourself worse.

Precisely this

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