I've just been completely unreasonable haven't I...

[Meltinthemiddle]

So I've had a really shit week ds 17 has been lying about smoking weed and sending me abuse all day because I refused to give him money and just blantenly lying about stuff and blaming me. Work has also been shit (I work in a special school and had a few attacks this week) so I've been down about that so wanted to chill tonight. Anyway Dh and I booked a table at out local for food and drinks as I had to stay late for training tonight. I was starving and tired, feeling the effects of alcohol when our meal come and we realised we had no cutlery, dh went to get some (normally around the corner by bar) and was gone for 5 mins. At this point I'm getting annoyed because I'm hungry, picking at chips and my foods going cold. I get up to see if I can see him or get a staff member for cutlery but was weary leaving my food I thought maybe they were short on cutlery. Any way he comes back with cutlery saying he could not find any so had to go to the other end of the bar. Obviously I'm hungry and annoyed now trying to understand why he couldn't find any when normally it's just around the corner. So I just said did you bump into to someone ( I did think I heard him talking but couldn't see him) and he admitted he did that they were talking and he didn't want to be rude by rushing off but then I felt he was rude enough to leave me waiting for ages with both our meals goign cold. Why could he not just say sorry I bumped into someone? He then started rolling his eyes and the atmosphere just felt awkward and the meal ruined. Basically it just ruined the evening a see just sat in silence so we left early. I know I'm probably annoyed about ds and this just tipped it for me tonight and I took it out in dh. Its a stupid row I know 😔

Yeah you are right YWBU. You were hungry though so apologise and I’m sure he will get it.

He lied though, so I get your frustration.

ah it's one of those storm in a teacup rows. Both perspectives valid and not worth falling out over but because of outside stress it becomes a big deal. Don't worry about it, get a good sleep, tomorrow is a new day. I hope things get it easier with your son x

The only thing worse than being hangry is being tipsy and hangry 😁.
These things happen, you know why you did it, apologise and move on.

I can totally understand why you were annoyed with him, tired and hungry makes for a short fuse. My DH often does that bullshit thing when he knows he’s been unreasonable but been caught out so he comes out with some shit on the defence which I know is shit which pisses me off even more! Like you say, why not just say “sorry love, I just bumped into X round the other side and couldn’t get away”. You probably were a little unreasonable in getting so annoyed but ultimately he was thoughtless and rude in leaving you sitting there and not just being honest.

You were hangry. Let it go.

I’d be irritated too OP, when you’ve got a hot meal going cold on the table is no time to be stoping to chit chat.

I get it, you were wound up by your teen and took it out on DH for something that normally wouldn't bother you too much. Own it, apologise, move on and don't beat yourself up. I'm sure after a good nights sleep you will both feel better.

Communication, the root of all probs like this.

Ask for a hug. You've had a bad day. Talk it through. Tell him you were hungry, had a chappy day and apologise. He will then apologise and it'll all be good.

Good luck x

I don't think YABU at all. Why should he put someone else before you? It's really easy to say to the person he bumped into, 'look, great to see you, but I'm here with my wife and we're just about to have dinner, so I'll give you a call later.' Any why was he rolling his eyes at you? That seems uncalled for as well.

Sorry you've had such a shitty week.

Perfectly said

Move on

The little lie would niggle at me, to be honest, rather than the waiting for the cutlery, so I don't think you were necessarily unreasonable to be annoyed about that.

YANBU I'd be annoyed by that. Why is the random person more important than you sat there with cold food.

No you weren't bu it was rude of your dh to leave you so long, rude of him to lie all be it an insignificant one. He could have talked for 30 seconds and said 'good to see you I better get this cutlery down to the table as our meal has been served!'

Really? LTB because he was five mins late with the cutlery?

Next time, eat his chips first.

Seriously, understandable you were utter pissed off after a hard week, tired & hangry & then subject to lacklustre restaurant service (what, no cutlery), & then your DH fibbed about dawdling & faffing about.

He went off to find cutlery for food that was already on the table, there is an urgency to this task. Maybe he wasn’t that hungry but it is unfair & disrespectful to dawdle when he has upped himself for the task & you are sat there waiting.

So, YANBU.

Both your son & your DH need to pull their socks up & improve their game 😉

Thanks for the replies and not making me feel a complete nut job. And to answer your question I did get up to see where he was but didn't want to leave my food unattended. I assumed because I couldn't see him by where the cutlery is there must have been a problem. It as really busy and so I couldn't see a free staff member to help

I also didn't expect it to be that long!

YANBU to be hangry and annoyed but it’s also a mountain/molehill thing that should be forgotten about by today, surely? Yes, it would have been nice if he’d grabbed the cutlery then said to whomever he bumped into, “I’m just getting these for Meltinthemiddle before her chicken in a basket refreezes, I’ll come over and catch up after our meal, nice to see you”.

But you can eat chips with your fingers and if I were hangry and tipsy, I wouldn’t pick at them, I’d scarf the lot while waiting for my slowpoke partner to fetch a fork.

That sounds like an awful week.

YANBU.

Your 17 year old needs sorting out and you need an early night.