Could the MEN here on mumsnet please answer this...

[Inthenameofrose]

Would you continue the sexual (friends with benefits) relationship if the other person told you they wanted more but you didn't?

I did make a previous thread but the title seemed to attract just women. A few posters suggested I should get a mans perspective so here goes.

It all depends on the lady, and not stringing her along so at least the person is knowable about the perspectives.

They they have informed decision to continue the arrangements

Should they want to or not.

You need to read Block, Delete, Move On by lalalaletmeexplain

I'm a man. Never been in this situation before and I think it might depend on the exact circumstances. But, for what it's worth.....
I like to think I'd do the right thing and end it. However, in practice would I? I can see myself struggling with the issue and possibly persuading myself that if I was being honest with the woman, then it's up to her to put an end to it.

Mans perspective, no I wouldn’t carry it on. I was in this situation and broke it off when she suggested becoming proper partners- I wasn’t looking for that. We’re still friends, and she has a partner now.

I probably would have when single.

If I've been clear that I don't want anything more serious and the woman has that knowledge in all honesty I'm unlikely to leave a "you up?" WhatsApp unanswered.

Probably not great behaviour but if she knows I don't want anything more and still wants to hook up knowing my stance then that's on her.

I wouldn't, it's not an equal relationship if one person wants one thing and the other another. It'd be stringing them along.

I’m a man, and no. I’ve been on both sides of this situation, and in both cases I’ve bailed out.

I have a great fondness and affection for most of the men I slept with, but that doesn't mean I want to be in a "proper" relationship with them. Surely the point about friends with benefits is that you have enough feelings to be friends? Otherwise they're just someone you fuck. I think you'd have to be really cold-hearted or emotionally dead to keep sleeping with someone you didn't even like enough to consider them some sort of friend. ONSs are different, because you might not know them well enough to form an opinion in, but if it develops into FWB, even a gold-plated cock needs respect and likeability to justify repeat visits. But humans are messy and sometimes agree to thingsthey don't fully mean or to compensate for other things. And sometimes we label things and each mean different things by the label, so are not agreeing to the same things.

In a changing FWB situation like this I’d opt for ending the situation.
It would just be heading for a car crash

Some might run with the lower brain and think of ‘easy’ sex and not worry about the impact, but I’ve previously had a hard enough time from the dramas of not taking the offer of sex with an individual - especially after they were assured that I wasn’t gay, and that I just didn’t want to sleep with them

A one night stand is just sex

FWB is a non committal ‘regular’ arrangement, there must be some form of ‘friend’ element, and if there are uneven feelings developed then it’s going to lead to problems if it’s not going to be mutual

OP what are you wanting from these threads? You know the answers, they're not going to change. If you have feelings for a FWB then yes he might carry on shagging you but never return them. You're on a hiding to nothing.

My sister had a fwb who she fell for, she continue sleeping with him after confessing that she wanted to be with him and he said no, for 2 years she continued to sleep with him thinking he would change his mind as he was “bound to catch feelings if he was sleeping with her” he never did, 2 years later he met someone else and ended it with her.