Can't snap out of this terribly low mood

[isitmeorzzz]

I had a baby 4 weeks ago ( my second ) and the walls are caving in on me, literally. I can't seem to snap out of it.

My husband has empathy fatigue. He just can't really do anything anymore at this point to help. He's completely stopped even trying. I had a very difficult pregnancy, where I wasn't able to do much and needed some support. My husband said it was just too much for him and now he has basically nothing left. He's down too about his own stuff. He's absolutely miserable as well. So we can't help each other at all.

I've had therapy before, but I feel it's actually pointless because these feelings always come back anyway.

I feel like life is just so shit and such a massive struggle.

It's absolutely relentless. I love my children, but I hate my life right now. I'm so extremely lonely and just want to be near my family. They live a bit further away. I just wish I was with them and had company and support.

When I mention that to my husband he gets angry and says I chose to live where we live with him and now I just want to bail. I don't want to bail. I'm just lonely.

Did anyone else have feelings like this with small children ? Would it really be that unreasonable to spend some time with my family to have some support and company ? My husband is at work every day, ( he comes home at 9 pm ) sometimes he doesn't even have any days off in a week. He works non stop, basically. I don't know anyone where I live. Will it get better ?

I know nothing about post-natal depression as I've never had children but I just wanted to say that this:

I've had therapy before, but I feel it's actually pointless because these feelings always come back anyway.

is an absolutely classic depression thought and you should tell it to fuck off. Pisses me off that depression causes thoughts that prevent you getting the help you need for your depression — sodding human brains are their own worst enemies 🤣

Speak to your GP. Today if possible. Talk to your friends too. You need a big cuddle.

Firstly, you need to tell your GP or HV how you feel.
Secondly, yes, go to your family where you can get help, rest and company.

And your husband needs to come home earlier to help you.

I think you need to speak to your GP and get professional help and most importantly professional support. Your OH can only shoulder so much, he is not a professional and long term trying to support someone whose needs professional support can be very fatiguing ❤️

See your GP about your low mood, and get some help. Could your husband get home earlier? Perhaps you could go to a mum and toddlers group. There will be other mums just like you, feeling lonely and isolated. Getting together with others who feel the same will help. Your library/local school will probably have groups. Find out by ringing them, and look on Facebook too

You think the GP is that great ? They put you on some waiting list for shitty therapy that doesn't work anyway. Oh and they push you into taking anti-ds. They don't work for everyone at all. It's not a magic answer.

Op I was in the same position. My baby is 4 months now. I have flown back to my home country twice. Every time I travel I get migraines and it is expensive but worth it to be around ppl who love me and care for me. You also need to be cared for. I hope u find a way to get some support xx

And yes it does get better, your hormones will settle and you will get more sleep. That will prob help more than antidepressants. I don’t like them or gp depression treatments either. U need long term plans to look forward to, like seeing friends and family. And short term coping mechanisms, like rest. Basically just rest. Podcasts are great if u can’t turn ur mind off. There are loads of great ones that cover motherhood and pnd. Hearing other women talk about their experiences always helps me x

Have you tried anti-depressants before?

A new baby is a lot. Talk to your GP. You need more support. Bless you.

Your husband needs to come home to help you. You need support. Hate that antidepressants are shoved down your face when what you really need is support.

You need to seek help from medical professionals OP. I’ve been there, it’s dark and terribly lonely. But unless you seek the light at the end of the tunnel, however small it is, you won’t find it. Search for it, even though you feel possibly buried by darkness. It’s there somewhere. You do it for your kids if for no one else. Sending a big hug.

Would it be feasible to visit your family for a week or two?

Point out to your husband that by his own assessment he is unable to help you at this point, so you need to get help from someone else and it will give him breathing space at the same time.

Going to see the GP won't do you any harm.

He likes to say that when I visit family it's not the reality of my life and I just have to suck it up and deal with my life as is. He also sees it as me not committing to our family when I go there too long / too often.

But the point is you don't have to suck it up. Yes you have to deal with what life has given you - you have kids, you have the income you have etc. etc.

But you don't HAVE to live where you live. You don't HAVE to live with your husband if that is not right for you and he HAS to realise this and accept it.

How far away are your family? Im guessing that is going to be a cruical question going forward.

I would pack up and head home for a week or 2. If your husband cannot support you this is a pretty crucial time for your newborn then you need to get that support elsewhere. Whilst you are there perhaps go and see your parent's? GP. You might find someone with a different view point. AD'S might be a short fix but they are not going to be a long term solution if the problem is your living situation. Speak to a GP/Health visitor and see if you can get some of this onto records. That might also help going forward.

IF going home is the fix you hope it will be make some plans. Look at the long term options. What would your hosuing options be? What would your job prospects be? What about your husbands? How realistic is a move? Make a plan and take it back to him.

Life is too short to be unhappy - but on the same token you owe your kids and your husband a considered future not just expect him to uproot on a whim.

I'm thinking you're low because you have a young baby and a horrible husband. Your baby won't always be small...

I honestly don't even know anymore if it's me and my mood or what it is.