To be completely fed up with my kids

[Hadituptoheremate]

Honestly I’ve just had enough. 2 weeks ago my just turned 2 year old was a perfect sleeper (6.30pm-8am without fail or any waking up and a 2 hour lunchtime nap) and my 4 year old was a not so good sleeper (wakes up hungry/thirsty/needing a wee at 11pm then can’t get back to sleep til 1amish) but no trouble as she will happily lay in bed with a drink and entertain herself.
then my 2 year old got an ear infection which coincided with her learning to climb out of her cot. Ear infection has gone but now she point blank refuses to be put to bed and will climb out and come downstairs screaming no matter how many times I put her back. Then my 4 year old realises her sister is downstairs and also wants to be downstairs or will be woken up by the tantrum and will then come down too. I don’t know if I’m being a pushover but I feel like I really can’t defeat them!

i have been sitting downstairs until 1am waiting for my toddler to drift off on the sofa just for her to wake up screaming as soon as I put her in her cot so we both end up sleeping on the sofa which seems to be the only place she’ll settle! It’s not even that she wants to be with me as I’ve tried bringing her into my bed which she also won’t have.

last night 4 year old went up to bed at 7.30 and like every other day this week I had to stay down with 2 year old. Me and 2 year old fell asleep on the sofa around midnight then 4 year old came down and woke us both up at 2am, 2 year old went back to sleep within about 20 minutes but 4 year old was up until 6am waking me up every half hour asking for snacks/drinks/take me to the toilet/hello mummy etc.

today I stopped 2 year olds nap and kept her awake all day, she fell asleep having a cuddle at 7pm, I thought great! She’ll sleep all night. Put her in her cot and miraculously she stayed asleep. 4 year old went up to bed and fell asleep at the same time. 9pm 2 year old has woken up screaming and came downstairs just as I’d finished relaxing and was about to go to bed myself. An hour after this 4 year old wakes up and also comes down wanting to chat and asking for snacks. We’re all currently sat on the sofa and I seem to be the only one that’s utterly fucking exhausted.

they are both fell fed, have active days (4 year old full time nursery 2 year old with me but I keep her busy)
I dont understand where I’ve gone wrong and know I’m making a rod for my own back giving in to them but I just can’t see how I can stop this, I put toddler back into her cot well over 20 times tonight and she was out within seconds every time.

has anyone got any advice?
kind regards
parent on the edge of a breakdown from pure exhaustion

I’m just sick of having no time to myself and having to sleep on the sofa, my back is in agony and I’m so tired and sick of being crawled all over by toddler until 1am every night

Have you tried moving 2yo into a big kids bed and making a big deal of it? It might be that she's just growing out of her cot.

Poor you - sounds horrendous! I would get a bed for 2 year old and a stair gate on their room. Let her go crazy if she wants - keep going back and be really boring and just say in monotone ‘bedtime now’ and put her back in to bed. For a few nights you might have to do it a lot- but it will be worth it! Fingers crossed you get some decent sleep very soon! Sleep deprivation is the worst!

@FairyLightPups im going to do that because there’s no point having a cot if she just climbs out but I’ve tried putting her in my 4 year olds big girl bed when she’s been staying with her nan and it’s the same reaction and I assume she’ll just keep coming downstairs as it’s even easier for her to get out

@Iwanttobeascoolasblueysdad I have thought about this but wouldn’t she just then climb over that stair gate? Honestly I’m just so fed up, 4 year old has been 90 minutes late for nursery the last two days as I just can’t wake up in the morning and they are also not keen on waking up after their antics during the night

If it means going up and downstairs 45 times in the night to bring them back to bed, Do it.

Hanging out downstairs with tv..lights,food and drinks is more fun than a quiet bedroom.

If you cant cope with going up and down the stairs you'll have to hang out upstairs, take them back to bed each time.
Or sit on the floor in toddlers room . Youd be doing the same thing downstairs anyway so better it's in their room. Going from downstairs to upstairs wakesme up from being tired so it's pointless being down there.

Be consistent.

It wont go on forever

Sounds like you're engaging far too much.

It'll take a while but consistency is key - any wake ups/interruptions are followed with a "back to bed" in as monotone a voice as you can.

Might mean you're up and down the stairs 100 times a night but if you're consistent they'll soon learn getting up and bothering you after bed time gets them nowhere.

Are you having to deal with this on your own OP?

@Skinnermarink yes I’m on my own. 2 year old fell asleep around 1am, just woken up (on the sofa) and they are both asleep on it so my 4 year old has obviously snuck downstairs again after I put her to bed

If you can, send the 4 year old to grandparents for a couple of nights to allow you to sort things with the 2 year old. Then just do as others have said with the 2 year old- return to bed, monotone “bedtime now” each time. Resign yourself to a couple of nights of drama and even less sleep- worth it for the greater good.

This sounds horrible! I hope this phase goes really quickly because they will break you down

Get a tall stairgate for the bedroom door, unless she is the worlds tallest 2 year old she won't be able to climb over it. To clarify I don't mean the dangerous 2 stairgates bodged together, you can get actual tall stairgates.

Stair gate on the room and at the top of the stairs. Put 2 year old in a big bed. Gro clocks for both of them. Reward chart stickers when they stay in bed all night.
don’t engage with them and do what you can to keep them in their rooms, or at least upstairs. The more boring the better. Keeping them restricted is no different to them being restrained in a cot.

I'm a single parent and both my kids were terrible sleepers, so I sympathise.
I think the downstairs issue is key here. Being downstairs on the settee has clearly become a treat for them, it's the place where Mummy hangs out, it's near the kitchen so there are snacks, maybe even TV. If your 4 year old realises that you're down there with your 2 year old, then she won't want to miss out.
I think you may have to spend some evenings upstairs in your bedroom, to try and remove the magic of downstairs.
I actually sometimes used to put a mattress on the landing and slept there. It meant both kids knew I was close but there was no fun to be had, I was just sleeping.
When you are up with them in the night, keep interaction to a minimum. No chatting. It's got to be really boring for them.
Also your 4 year old is old enough for a reward system. When DS2 was born, I gave DS1 a small toy each time he managed a week of good nights. That might be worth a try.

Agree with this. It’s attention seeking. Take them back to bed with zero communication as many times as it takes. Let them cry, shout, whatever. They will soon get the message. No drinks, no cuddles.

pet gates are taller I think , you can definitely get ones that are taller than the standard one! Hope you get sorted soon!

sounds really tough OP!

i think people have covered most of the stuff you can do but I would say maybe 2 year old would need to maybe drop her daytime nap? Or definitely less than 2 hours.

if they do keep waking up, it will be hard for you but you need to make it as boring as possible for them, eg no TV, no snacks etc..

i really hope you sort it out, its very hard to ‘mum’ when you get no rest or downtime to yourself