Lazy husband

[HennyPenny123]

My husband is currently off work for an extended period. I suggested at the start that this was a great opportunity to tackle the small jobs around the house that we never seem to get time to do. Even just half an hour each day, the place would look so much better, I work all day from home and after work cook dinner, wash, iron, clean, food shop, kids baths, look after the pets etc. All he does is wash the dishes. I thought being off he might make an effort to help me a bit more but he is now doing even less! He used to hoover but now he is letting me do that too..I can't bear to see the place in a mess but he just doesn't care..after hoovering round him all week, I asked tonight if he was going to help..he blew his top at me. I calmly explained I didn't think it was very fair that I had to work all day, then do everything else on top..he said he didn't want to hear me. So now...I can't ask him again. I hate confrontation and don't want to be shouted at again. I'm really starting to resent him. Aibu to want more?

Why is he having this extended period off work? Due to ill health, job loss, choice....?

If he knows you hate confrontation he's probably using it to his advantage, thinking if he has a go then you won't challenge him and will just accept it. Do not accept it, do not be afraid to challenge him again on it, that's what he's counting on.

He sounds like an idiot. Why is he off work though?

He has had some health problems but exercise has been actively encouraged and he goes to the gym etc. So I don't think a little light hoovering should be too much to ask? Or to put a shelf up.

What a twat. Massive conversation needed - he gets one chance to sort his shit out then he's out.

So you ask him a reasonable question, he flips, you stop asking.

sorted. For him. He’s trained you not to confront him.

that would kill my love more than the lack of housework which is a close second.

Sounds like he got himself a nice little compliant domestic servant. Why are you still doing anything for him? And for reference, he shouldn't "help", he should do his part.

Sorry for what you're going through.

I think the issue seems to be that thus far in your marriage you've basically run the household/done the chores etc and now you want him to do a bit more and he is refusing as it's going against the status quo.

I have to be honest, it doesn't sound like anything is going to change unless you really stand up and fight the battle and even then, you have to be prepared to fail and in that instance you either have to accept it and continue as is or, when combined with any other issues, consider whether this is something that is materially detrimental to you and your relationship.

"I can't bear to see the place in a mess but he just doesn't care." Here's your problem. The answer is STOP DOING IT. Stop doing his cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing. Stop it all.

Absolutely this - including when he wants sex also. That's another chore you don't need to do.

Hopefully (fingers crossed) he'll listen and have a grown up conversation about being equal partners which he then puts into practice ... 🌹