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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AITA.

17 replies

WeeThistle · 19/05/2022 16:58

So long story short. 2kids, 1dad. He left before youngest was 1. Now 5. I gave him the option of paying for them or taking them 3 nights per week rather than 2,which he choose. And I was happy to accept this arrangement.

He has just informed me of a new job, and with less than 24 hours notice wants to completely overhaul the routine our kids have just settled into. Just settled into because of the last new job he had in which I was supportive, surrendering any weekend time I had and only having them weekdays. So I missed out on quality time, but again I wanted to be supportive.

It didn't work out and I asked to return to the routine we have had since we were separated. This routine ensures we both actively participate in their school lives as well as having weekend time to create memories. So we returned to this routine. And today he decided we were changing it again.

The job is not the issue. The issue is he expects me to pick up the responsibility without any discussion or notice. But when I need the kids watched for something I can't rely on him even with notice, I have to ask family or friends. Or arrange childcare. So why shouldn't this apply to him on the days he is responsible for them?

So my question is AITA for expecting him to make plans on the days he knows he has the kids and not wanting to pick up his slack?

OP posts:
MyBushOrYours · 19/05/2022 17:01

Why are you still facilitating his life? He clearly doesn’t give a shit about you or your life.

What’s AITA?

WeeThistle · 19/05/2022 17:02

He often threatens to take me to court,use my mental health against me. Basically I feel like if I challenge him it only invites more issues. But I'm sick of him having all the power, when I do all the work.

Stands for Am I the a*#hole.

OP posts:
SpaceMaaaaan · 19/05/2022 17:14

Say it won't work for you you require one month's notice

pedropony76 · 19/05/2022 17:17

I was staring at this ‘AITA’ trying to figure out what the hell that meant. Why couldn’t you just say AIBU if that’s where you’re posting?! I didn’t even read the actual post. I struggled with the title, jumped straight to the comments then came to complain😂

Smidge001 · 19/05/2022 17:19

I also only came on to find out what the heck AITA meant on an AIBU thread. Grin

ChagSameachDoreen · 19/05/2022 17:20

AITA is Am I The Asshole from Reddit.

WeeThistle · 19/05/2022 17:29

Just the term I'm used to using. They are synonyms.

OP posts:
SpaceMaaaaan · 19/05/2022 17:30

ChagSameachDoreen · 19/05/2022 17:20

AITA is Am I The Asshole from Reddit.

Did you post this on reddit too?

breatheinskipthegym · 19/05/2022 17:51

He can only use your mental health against you if your mental health problems are having a detrimental affect on your children.

If CAFCASS spoke to your children, to the schools, to the family GP, social workers etc, would they describe your children as being well-parented, happy, settled, taken good care of? If the answer is yes, then your mental ill health is not something he can wield over you.

IstayedForTheFeminism · 19/05/2022 17:58

Yanbu to expect him to manage childcare on his days.

Yabu to use aita on aibu.

FabulousKilljoys · 19/05/2022 18:00

AITA is a Reddit term. Here we say AIBU.

But in answer to your question, no you're not. Stop facilitating his life.

WeeThistle · 19/05/2022 18:24

Yanbu? Yabu?

I'm new here I don't know the terminology.

OP posts:
Daydreamer77 · 19/05/2022 20:40

WeeThistle · 19/05/2022 18:24

Yanbu? Yabu?

I'm new here I don't know the terminology.

Yabu = you are being unreasonable
Yanbu = you are not being unreasonable

(In this case, yanbu ☺️)

orwellwasright · 19/05/2022 21:21

YABU for using AITA on AIBU.

WeeThistle · 19/05/2022 21:22

I didn't know there was a rule against it. Not being unreasonable, it was an honest mistake 🤷‍♀️.

OP posts:
WeeThistle · 19/05/2022 21:23

Thank you, appreciate the help 💞

OP posts:
MyBushOrYours · 20/05/2022 06:22

I think your post title has meant most people didn’t open it, you may want to ask MN to edit the title / remove the thread / try again.

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