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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How much does your 7 (closer to 8) year old do?

18 replies

RibNSaucyArseCrack · 19/05/2022 14:40

What are their responsibilities?

Its such a mixed bag amongst my friends kids, not sure if we’re really expecting too much or too little of her.

currebtly she is expected to:

keep on top of her room ( I help her do a big tidy once a week)
put her clothes away
lay the table and clear her own dish away in the dishwasher

other things she had the option of doing for pocket money/purchases on her game

Tidy living room (she’s the only one who really uses it!)
Empty dishwasher and put away everything she can reach
clean my car (she LOVES doing this, is never actually ask but she volunteers! Takes about 4 hours but she had a blast with the hose!)

Theres other stuff she likes to do too, like make breakfast for us (toast, cereal etc) and she likes to chop veg.

i do find her clothes screwed up under the bed sometimes though. I know she’s capable of putting them away, because she does do it when I tell her off hiding them, but aibu to ask her to do it in the first place? I remember having a lot more chores to do when I was her age.

OP posts:

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/05/2022 14:47

My 8 year old doesn't really do much. He makes his own breakfast (toast or cereal) makes his bed and tidy his bedroom, puts dirty clothes in the wash basket.

Tiani4 · 19/05/2022 14:51

Lol I'd be grateful if my teenagers did that!

It doesn't matter what other families do, if that works for your family and DCs can do that, then keep doing what you're doing!

I did far more as a young child than my DCs do. They are getting better as they get older but even still...

DelurkingAJ · 19/05/2022 14:52

I think those expectations are at the higher end.

My 9 year old for example does bring his dishes through but doesn’t load the dishwasher. He helps rather than does chores, if you see the difference.

And he certainly needs a prod…very little is done without that. Other things he will help with:

stripping his bed and remaking it

gardening

I’ve recently mentioned to him that in the next year (Year 5) I want him to be able to cook porridge and pasta with some oversight and slice veg etc.

LottieTx · 19/05/2022 14:53

My almost 8 year old is asked to make her bed in the morning, put her dirty clothes in the hamper and take her plate to the kitchen after tea and that’s it really. She needs to be nudged to do so but she does it with no moaning, she’s often happy to help but we don’t have a set list of expectations.

nearlyspringyay · 19/05/2022 14:55

Not much. DTs at that age put their clothes away, cleared plates to the kitchen after dinner and make a cup of tea for DH.

They were cooking basic stuff / baking at that age but that was a hindrance not a help as I had to clear up the disaster in the kitchen afterwards!

Problemmo · 19/05/2022 14:56

Well I have a 9 year old but she has been doing all of this since she was 7.

She’s responsible for tidying her room, putting her clean clothes away and bringing her dirty ones down once a week, changing most of her bedding (she still struggles with the duvet cover so I assist with this), washing her own dirty dishes up, making her packed lunch for school and making her breakfast some days unless it’s something cooked.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 19/05/2022 14:58

I have a 6 year old and I think maybe I’m expecting too much.

TheKeatingFive · 19/05/2022 15:01

Lol my almost 8 year old does virtually nothing.

He clears his plate after eating. That's about it. Tidies his room under supervision occasionally.

Maybe I should crack the whip a bit more

Folks · 19/05/2022 15:01

My eldest will be 8 in a couple of weeks. He is asked and asked and asked to do the following:

Put his dirty laundry in the basket
Make his bed
Feed chickens and collect eggs
Put his dirty dishes in the kitchen

He’s actually pretty on top of these tasks most of the time. In addition to these he will often make breakfast for himself and his little sister (toast or cereal) if he deems that I’m taking too long to wake up.

I think he’s love to wash the car. Must ask him now the weather is improving.

scrivette · 19/05/2022 15:03

My 11 and 6 year olds don't do much at all, they spend 5 minutes picking up dirty clothes and toys from their bedroom floor when I ask them to, my 6 year old sometimes empties the dishwasher when I ask (he loves that job) and my 11 year old sometimes vacuums the stairs (he likes doing it).

Triffid1 · 19/05/2022 15:05

Mine is closer to 7 than 8 but doesn't less. Makes some attempt to tidy her room and make the bed, with nagging by me. Vacuums and cleans the stairs (for money). Sometimes helps to mop (she's terrible at it). Will bring her plate through if asked or get herself a drink or snack.

At this age, we're still working on proper individual independence. She can and does dress herself but still needs help getting moving/getting things out. Teethbrushing is now entirely independent. Bathing is mostly independent but we still have to run the bath (I feel we should be past this by now). She is learning how to organise and plan things like a bag for an activity or a trip away. But hasn't nailed that yet.

And my 7 year old is, arguably, one of the more competent ones of her circle.

Original poster

RibNSaucyArseCrack · 19/05/2022 15:13

She wants more responsibility but I guess it’s me being a wimp about it! She wants to use the kettle to make daddy a coffee but I’m too scared, even though her 7 year old friend who is a lot less competent than she is, can make a cup of tea fine.
She also wants to pack her own lunch box, which I guess isn’t a problem, I don’t know why I’m resisting it.
she’s always been very independent, even as a baby. She likes doing things herself.
she can pack her own bag for nights away as she often stays at my mums house or my grandparents house.
teeth brushing she had to be asked many times to do every morning and she’s not very good at it. I’m not sure why, she had an electric toothbrush but she just doesn’t clean them well and then cries when I do it for her.

OP posts:

Minesril · 19/05/2022 16:31

Interesting thread! My DS is nearly eight. He puts his clothes away and has his bedroom and playroom floors clear the day before our cleaner comes. (So much lego...which I've made clear to him is his responsibility otherwise it might be vacuumed up!) Also puts any toys away that make their way to the living room. Takes his plate to the kitchen.

He can make his breakfast but I'd rather me or DH do it as spilt milk is more than I can cope with at six in the morning. Like you I long for the day when he can make me a cup of tea (in bed) but am too nervous still!

Minesril · 19/05/2022 16:37

I'm also interested in your mention of pocket money as we haven't introduced that yet...but we seem to buy a fair few magazines/sweets which probably covers it!

TheNonsensePotter · 19/05/2022 16:45

My almost 7 year old puts her dirty clothes in the wash, makes her bed, tidies her room (to the best of her ability eg. if she gets lego out she puts it back in the box. I go round every few days and sort out general clutter), puts her plate and cutlery on the side when she's finished a meal.
Sometimes if she goes downstairs before I'm ready she'll get breakfast bits out but I don't expect her to.

TheNonsensePotter · 19/05/2022 16:45

Should have clarified, dirty clothes in the washing basket, she doesn't use the washing machine herself.

Original poster

RibNSaucyArseCrack · 19/05/2022 16:53

Yes to dirty clothes, she has a basket in her room.

i got annoyed about her to my husband the other day saying she is lazy, but he said she is only 7.

it just frustrates me sometimes, and after reading these replies I don’t think I’m asking too much of her. Her bedroom honestly gets into sich states sometimes.

OP posts:

givemushypeasachance · 19/05/2022 17:05

Looking at the answers on this thread with interest. My friends have an almost six year old, he's in year one, plus toddler brother. The older one doesn't have any assigned chores or jobs, does sometimes ask to help with certain things like weighing out ingredients or stirring in the kitchen, but that is basically playing rather than doing a job. He gets babied a lot, and asks to be - typically won't get himself dressed or undressed, or do his own velcro shoes up, he moans until someone puts them on for him. Has his teeth brushed for him, often asks to be carried from the sofa to the table, will whine if he drops or spills something until someone else sorts it out for him. If it's his favourite food he'll feed himself but if he's less interested he gets it fed to him. By choice he uses a potty rather than the toilet when he can get away with it, thankfully only for pee now.

Is this an unusual level of lack of independence for a child who's almost finished his second year at school? I know he can do things like put his shoes on himself, he just doesn't want to, and his parents don't want to argue with him so it's easier to just do it to get out of the house on time. My mum used to make comments about boys often being more lazy than girls; don't want to give in to cliche but it does seem like it! I would have thought he would want to seem grown up compared to his two year old little brother, but at least when he's at home he wants his parents to do everything for him. Will he eventually turn into an eight year old who can sort his own laundry and make breakfast, with encouragement?

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