To wonder if there is some sort of metric like the 6 months for every year after a break-up rule for when you get over bereavement?

[OnceMoreWithoutFeeling]

Coming up to 3 years since my mum died, and when it comes around it always throws me back into the pain of it all over again. And yes it's not as devastating as last year, which wasn't as devastating as the time before that.

But by God it still hurts; it's almost like being delirious with fever in the sense that my memories are uncontrollable, they come over me unbidden and they feel so very real, I can't just snap out of them.

I feel sort of unreal, like I'm not here I'm somewhere else with this awful thing that happened but still having to go through the motions of life.

I was stood in a queue ordering some lunch, and I looked at all the other people and thought it was insane - probably we all have these awful things going on inside us, I imagined what it would be like if they were in a bubble over our heads that everyone could see, like a cast on a limb or something.

Will I ever ever get over this? Will this anniversary ever just make me feel a little wistful and nostalgic, and then move forward, rather than feel like I need to go back to counselling every bloody year? How long?

Do you do any hobbies to get you meeting up with people? Anything that would get you in the same place with other people each week so you can build relationships would work.

Things that friends and family have done are cake decorating classes, dance classes, sewing lessons, choir, etc. Ideally you want something where everyone has a chance to chat, but without the pressure of a deliberate social thing - it's good to be able to break the ice by asking for some advice about the thing you're doing.

My mum is 83 and her mum died in the 1960s, and my mum still grieves for her and misses her terribly. Her brother (my uncle) who she adored died in 1989 and she has never really got over that either.

My dad died about 3 1/2 years ago and I'm ok, except when I'm not. Not a day goes by when I don't miss him terribly and wish I could tell him things, but generally I acknowledge the feelings and then let them move on. Except when occasionally they don't move on quite so quickly.

There's no one size fits all.