Not coping

[droppingtheballs]

Posted elsewhere but no replies

I don't know why, I had 4 under 7 and it was stressful but not like this. Have dd14 dd12 ds 10 ds 7

Boys are hard work as all kids can be and they hate each other most of the time and fight. Dd10 is autistic and whilst doesn't have behaviour problems generally she needs a bit more attention and help with emotional regulation. Ds10 has also started with migraines so have that to contend with.
Dd14 is lazy and shellfish. Been really trying with her but when she's in a mood if I ask her to do something to help out If she doesn't want to she just says no.I have threatened and Cary through with consequences but she doesn't care. She would rather sit on her bed with no phone/entertainment of any kind than do what I've asked. And it can last ages she would genuinely rather have the punishment. I have tried the opposite and letting her earn rewards (screen time, pocket money) but if she doesn't want to she just says no

My house is a pig style now and this morning was just chaotic. Dad helps when he can but works long hours. I'm self employed, weeks were I have a lot of work the house is just horrific, weeks when I don't have much it's not too bad but I need to take work where I can as our tax credits has reduced as we were overpaid last year.

Don't know what I want from this post I just feel like running away but I Know I can't because I'd have to come back at some point and then I'd have even more to deal with

Have tried lots with dd14 too after adrs appointment I let her have the rest of the day off and we had a lovely afternoon.

I try to talk to her,

I looked through her messages (she had men being horrible to another girl) and she's called me all sorts on her chats, including a fat bitch.

I told her I knew she had said that and she's said I can't believe you've been reading my diary- so she's also called me things in her diary too

She's always fallen out with friends and four a long time I thought It was just the girls drama but I really think she's just not nice unless she is getting something

Any advice at all? Words of wisdom ? Other people in the same boat 😩

Dd14 is lazy and shellfish
That's enough to make anyone crabby. Does she clam up when you try and talk to her about it?

I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist! What would happen if you said 'No' to her requests? If you refused to iron something for her/make packed lunch/anything else she should be able to do herself at the age of 14 perhaps?

Sorry to hear ur having a tough time. I honestly think you and your DH needs to sit down with DD14 and chat through some house rules and expectations.

Kids like to be rewarded and get attention from their parents. Maybe have a family reward chat? Anything that can get everyone involved.

Remember an occasion you praised your DD? anything at all? Pay her a compliment just being. Some open dialogues? Ask her for her opinion so she feels valued and heard? Must be frustrating when she's acting as though she doesn't care. Keep going!

Hope your relationship improve soon💐

Chart*

Well that is horrible !!!

how is she doing at school?

could she be stuffing with her metal Heath at all hence that bad behaviour have you tried a heart to heart ??

if it’s not that then it calls for tough measures

confiscate everything, phone laptops I pads tV
treats, going out time, messaging friends etc

school and home and home work nothing more until she changes her stinking behaviour

If she doesn’t care about just laying on the bed take her bed out of her room and tell she she can sleep on the floor

I thought you were saying me calling her that is the reason why till I noticed the spelling

Honestly she doesn't care. Will go in creased clothes, happily make her own lunch or not take any,

Thank you, we have had family chats, one on one chats, I always tell her if she's done a good job at something, if her hairs nice, if she treats someone nicely. She will agree her behaviour isn't ok but then the next minute if she's in a bad mood she lashes out. She's said some awful things to her sister about being autistic

She's doing well in school. She maybe has anxiety a bit and is down a bit sometimes but often she seems perfectly happy too. She's fine unless someone does or says something she doesn't like.

She already currently has no phone (she has to do 20 'acts of kindness' to earn it back from when she was horrible to another girl- but she's yet to complete this)
She's not got her laptop, no tv in her room

I can't take her bed out as a) I'd have nowhere to put it) and b) she's in bunk beds with dd12

Sorry the typing Is awful! On my phone And trying to do jobs at the same time as type