Urgent advice needed - feeling hurt and confused

[Notagain3]

Hi.

advice needed. I have been dating somebody for quite a while. Very happy and as far as I knew was exclusive which he said. He said it was the last thing on his mind to be seeing anybody else.

I have seen him tonight and we had sex. Whilst having sex his phone rang and rather than leave it he picked it up (it was right next to us). A woman’s name was on the screen. He turned it so I could actually see the name, he didn’t hide it. then he put the phone down. I felt uneasy but we carried on.

After the sex we was just chatting and he was talking his neighbour and just random chat. She messages him because they are good friends (he is friends with her and her husband) he said her name in the conversation. I said did somebody ring you as it was bugging me and he said ‘oh yeah. It was her’ (the neighbour). But the woman’s name on screen was not the woman’s name he called his neighbour. I feel really hurt by this. He’s so loving towards me and we get on so well. I really don’t know what to do.

He didn’t turn it as in to properly show me, he just turned it like in a way that I would see it as it was ringing

I don't think there's anything to be confused about. He's prepped you with the neighbour story before hand to lead you into asking, what he knew you were going to ask. Then blatantly lied.

A few red flags here, manipulation, lying, lack of respect, you felt uneasy but carried on anyway because another woman is more important to him than you & he lied about it.

Got to agree with @Grotbag81

PLUS - Totally disrespectful answering the phone during an interment moment, whoever it was!

Sorry, he answered the phone during sex with you? I wouldn't care if it was the Queen inviting him to her bloody birthday party any man who did that to me would be showing the door sharpish!

Thank you both. Sorry should add he didn’t answer he just put the phone back down again when he looked who it was but didn’t hide the name

Sorry, but unless he is a fireman or similar on call for emergencies, to pick up the phone whilst making love is just awful.

I would boot him out just for that, never mind who was calling him!

I meant picked it up as in to see who was calling but he didn’t answer!

It’s nearly the same. He was more interested in the phone than having sex with you. Most people would have ignored it.

Would you pick up a phone (physically) whilst having sex?

Come on - cut him loose - there’s nothing good here.

@Honeyroar Yes you are right and then he text after whilst we was speaking so I am guessing he was texting her but covered it up to be the neighbour

Not feeling this at all NGL. This guy has you in a relationship while he is living the single life. And he is not worried about you realising it or hurting your feelings. I think the test for how serious you two could be is approach him to talk about this. If you don't feel like you can -that is not your man. Your man will have no problem hearing you out and respecting your feelings.

Best to cut it off while you are not deeply in love because it won't take you anywhere good. And there are good men everywhere. You just have to be available to one of them. Good luck xx

@Merryoldgoat I am still in shock that he did that to be honest. I feel really hurt

Block and move on!

We did speak after and I asked him if he is seeing anybody else and he said no and that he doesn’t think he would want too. I feel really stupid and he has lied to my face

Why would he let you see the screen if he knew it could be someone he’s also seeing? A cheating man is going to be much more sneaky about things like that, phone on silent, phone upside down so you can’t see the screen etc.
i wouldn’t jump to conclusions just from this.

If he didn't answer it, maybe he just picked it up to cancel the call. Nothing more off-putting than a phone ringing during sex

@Badgirlriri this was what I was also confused about. He made no effort to hide it. He did have his phone upside down when we was cuddled on the sofa though.

@user1471457751 Possibly. The phone was Loud and also flashing as it rang. He pressed the button on the side to silence it I think

I am just confused about why he said it was his neighbour and it was a different woman’s name

Also I noticed on his phone he doesn’t have the actual message come through on the front screen,it just tells him when he has a notification from whatsapp but doesn’t show the actual message. This is what I think he was messaging on as I heard the WhatsApp message noise and then the call came through not long after

OP is he tall & does his name start with G?

FFS he's a twat, stop agonising over him. Either that or watch and learn to see how he reacts when you next check your phone in the middle of having sex with him.

I know it sounds silly but I had no reason to doubt anything before so it’s a shock to me. He says he will always be open and honest with me but I’m guessing he was just saying that

Let it go.
You are wasting your time . Stop seeing him. Easy.

Do you mean he picked it up to shut the call down so as not to disturb you both? To stop the ringing noise? That in itself wouldn't be a sackable offence to me. Answering the call would be though unless he's on call or has an elderly parent etc!

But as PP say I think there are lots of red flags besides this. That he was on what's app to another woman whilst you were there for one. Sorry, he's a wrong 'un.

Don’t waste anymore time on him. He’s a disrespectful liar. Looking at his phone mid shag? Gross.

Teach him a bit about respecting women by ditching him and never speaking to him again.