To wonder if you can ever really love yourself?

[LovetoHate]

When you're the type of person who self loathes a lot?

I try not to think too much about it otherwise I end up feeling really low but I really don't like myself at all, I am critical of everything about me, my body, my personality, I torture myself constantly about whether or not others like me, whether I'm annoying, whether this or that I said was wrong etc etc..

I wish I could just not give a fuck. I wish I could like myself. I wish I could be happy in my skin and confident and not care if someone doesn't like me or not.

I'm always seeking reassurance or worrying that I don't have enough friends so I've ended up with basically tonnes of "friends" but only one / two proper friends if that makes sense? I feel like I don't really have anyone I can turn to in hard times other than my parents and I worry about how lonely I'll be when they are no longer here.

The only thing about me/thing that I've done that I love is my son.

Has anyone ever actually managed to turn this way of thinking around? I've always been like this my whole life.

I feel the exact same. So firstly you are not alone.

Out of interest what is background like it, would be interesting to see if we share any similarities in our upbringing etc. Only reason I ask is I think once you understand why you are the way you are it helps and makes it easier to contextualise and accept yourself.

I know I am the way I am so have kind of come to peace with that's just how my brain works. I'm 35 now it's unlikely to change. You just have to manage it.

I never really feel super accepted by others but also realise that sometimes I push people away ie don't want to meet up if I'm not feeling good about my appearance or personality that day. So might make others feel bad when it seems I'm not keen on seeing them when really it's me not them.

I've found since having my dc that I have less energy to fixate over 'me' although I have my moments. I also try not to take things personally if someone is a dick I figure it's their problem not mine. I now just try to be glad I have a partner and some family who love me. Some people don't even have that sadly. I do still get jealous though when I see big social gatherings especially on social media etc.

It's also helped me to realise the way we perceive ourselves is not always how others do. Chin up.