To make my DD13 stay in sports day

[Honeysuckle9]

She made up some reason about wanting to be collected, not the first time , it happened last month. She seems to have developed an issue around these type of events and is opting out of a couple of events that I know she would enjoy. She’s athletic and doesn’t seem to have friend issues but has always been ‘contrary’ about things like this. I am p’d off also that she got the school to call me in work and messaged me when I wouldn’t collect her.
did I make the right call in making her go and stay, I mean we all have to sometimes join things we don’t love right ?

I can see why it wouldn't be possible for you to drop everything and collect her when you're working, if she's not ill.

I do sympathise with her not wanting to do sports day, though. It's miserable for many children and has been for generations. I agree with you that we all have to do things we don't love, but I don't think we have to do all of them, and especially not those with no tangible benefit. The way sports is handled in schools hasn't improved much in 50 years, and the main outcome of it seems to be adult women who pathologically LOATHE all sport and can't bring themselves to exercise in any formal way at all.

You say "I know she'd enjoy" these events she is telling you she doesn't want to do, and that she is simply being "contrary". I doubt that, personally. If she has to do it because you're working, or because it's a compulsory school thing and you feel she ought to do it, say that. Don't gaslight her that she loves it when she's telling you she doesn't.

@Greensleeves Fair enough, but I have seen enough of my DD when she is forced to do things actually enjoying them. She’s a reasonably athletic girl - cross country running and tennis for the school. It’s more social type occasions. I appreciate she may have anxiety around them but giving in to that won’t help her in the long term. I’m allowing her opt out of an event on Friday that I imagine she will enjoy if she goes, she’s just adamant she doesn’t want to go.

If she doesn't want to take part then that's fine. Don't force her, it's only sports day which are usually hideous things best missed.

Speak to school and explain what the issue is. Ask if there's another way she can be involved (Eg helping).

My ds is autistic (also has physical disability) and although an elite swimmer hated sports day. He helped the school nurse and helped set up etc.

If she is genuinely anxious being forced to take part will increase the anxiety.

Missing school is different from not taking part. The former is wrong in my opinion.

Bizarre. Can kid pick and choose which part of school they participate in?

Don't like maths? English makes you anxious? No worries. Mum will come get you.

One of the things I think DD3's school has got right is that sports day is voluntary. Kids get to sign up to different sports activities. Those who aren't doing sports day do normal lessons.

Is the DD going to sit a GCSE exam in "tolerating sports day"? No?

Some elements of school are a shitty waste of time. Others are actively harmful to some students. And...yeah, there ARE kids who fine a particular subject or environment unmanageable, and adjustments are quite rightly made for them. Welcome to the 21st century.

Absolutely right. It's the attitude of 'we had to do it, so suck it up' that is so harmful. If a child is actively resisting one element of their day/week/school life, someone needs to stop and realise that they are communicating something. Otherwise, they could end up with a child like my year 10 DD who has completely broken and isn't even attending school while we wait for an alternative plan from the LA.