Stood up by friend

[Tvhgws]

Friend and I both have one child. Hers is a 3yo, mine is 5yo. We meet every month or so. Arranged trip to park and in morning friend had texted to see if agreed time was still OK. I said yes and to see her there. We arrived at park and received text from friend saying 3yo having meltdown and her husband was dealing with it. We waited in park and I asked if she was still coming. She sent various updates saying "3yo having meltdown" and "3yo tired" and she hoped to still come. I waited in park with my DD who kept asking when they were coming. I asked friend if she was still coming and after an hour of being in park friend said "sorry, not going to make it today."

It was an hour round trip for us to get to park, friend suggested the time and I'm really annoyed she left us waiting for an hour once there before cancelling! In the past she has sometimes left her child with husband and met us so I thought this might happen. I have never been left waiting in park for so long and then stood up because of a "meltdown". My DS was disappointed and me too! Friend has since messaged asking how I am. Don't know what to say as still annoyed. Actually, made my whole day feel quite rubbish.

Think you’re being a bit dramatic! I’ve done this before when I hoped to do something then gave up as DD just wouldn’t behave. Being a parent is hard.. give her the benefit of the doubt!

You were in a park, not hanging round a street corner! It's disappointing, but your child had an hour at the park 🤷🏻‍♀️

YANBU

cancelling due to your child not cooperating is normal, dragging it out and letting you sit there like a lemon for an hour is where she turns into the unreasonable one here.

Id drop her like a log

Sorry your friend has let you down. I completely understand why you feel upset by it.

It's not just the inconvenience she has put you too, but also the disappointment. Presumably you were looking forward to enjoying her company. You also have your child's disappointment to deal with.

There is also the implication in her actions that her time is more valuable than yours and she doesn't value your company as much as you do hers. This is not necessarily the case, but any suggestion of this might compound your disappointment.

You are not being unreasonable, but you should allow the upset to subside before evaluating what happened. That might also be the time to explain to your friend how her actions have made you feel.

@Beautifulmonster87 yes I know, parenting can be difficult. I have cancelled things myself but in advance and before the other person has left the house. I wouldn't agree to meet then leave someone waiting for an hour in chosen location and then cancel!

YANBU. She shouldn't of left you for a hour before saying she wasn't coming. I'd drop her op.

It is massively annoying when you have to explain to a disappointed child that something they were looking forward to is not going to happen, basically because someone has flaked.

However, it sounds like your friend really wanted to go, but had a difficult day with her 3 year old. I do think she could have been more apologetic and less casual, but if it is a one-off I would forget about it and not take umbrage.

My friend had a 3 yo who was hideous at getting out of the house and being out of the house!! Maybe ime manage your expectations and make looser plans. Saying that she could have left her dc with her dh and popped out to meet you..
Would have pd me off too op.

I mean your son still got to have a nice time in the park right? It can't have been a completely wasted trip.

I have a 3yo and he often has meltdowns as we're trying to leave so I have sympathy for her. I probably would've just got my son in the car anyway and he'd be over it by the time we get to the park but I understand why she wouldn't have wanted to do that.

As a parent to little ones, I don't think we should be made to feel bad when things don't work out cause it's hard and she's probably gutted to have missed out too.

If she's never done it before, which it sounds like she hasn't, then I would be inclined to think the best of her, given she's a friend, and that things must have been truly very bad and stressful for her not to be able to make it.

Thanks everyone. I think I just need to feel disappointed because my first reaction was to think its fine and brush everything under the carpet. But I was disappointed and so was DD. The park was fine but as I said it was a one hour round journey (on public transport) and DD kept asking where they were. I kept saying "they are coming" as I thought they still were but after an hour having to tell DD they weren't coming felt horrible. She didn't cry but was quite sad for a while. I wish friend had just told us sooner instead of keeping us hanging on so at least we could have done something else. Not a big life problem just one disappointing day. She has cancelled before numerous times but not kept us waiting like this for an hour.

she should have made the decision earlier than an hour and a half after you had left home. Bad form.