Is a social life important for a 7 year old?

[OrchidQueen]

I have a friend with a 7 year old who never has any play dates, doesn't know any local children and rarely goes to parties. She goes to an after school club once a week but other than that, sees no children out of school (apart from her cousins who are older and that's only a few times a year). I feel really sorry for the girl especially as she is an only child. Her parents have really active social lives, seeing their friends several times a week (while the other parent looks after the girl), but they don't want to put the effort into facilitating the child's social life.

I have tried organising play dates with her and my daughter and the parents sometimes let her come here, but on the condition that I drive to their house, collect the child, do everything with the kids and then return the child. They are not grateful if I do it and I almost feel like it's a burden for them. I feel really bad for the girl, who in my eyes must be so bored. But maybe it's just because my children are so often seeing friends that my idea of what is normal is skewed.

Part of me thinks that I should offer to take the girl out more but I may end up feeling resentful as it's me putting in effort for the child when the parents aren't interested. The other part of me thinks it's none of my business and it's perfectly fine for children to not socialise much outside of school.

YABU - Keep your nose out
YANBU - This girl needs a social life

It's hard to say, maybe she doesn't want to? Is she not invited to parties? Do her parents turn down other invitations? DO you know if another families have asked her over to play.

I think it depends on the child. My 9 yo is very social, she would have a playdate every day if she could. If we are free on the weekend, she spends most of it asking to have a friend over. Her older sister however is very happy in her own company.

YANBU at all, socialisation is so important for children, the fact they expect you to do all the legwork for play dates shows why she doesn’t get others. They sound like selfish turds tbh.

She does want to, she is so happy when she is here, she is a lovely girl but a bit socially immature. She is invited to nearly all the parties because we are still KS1, so they are mostly whole-class parties still. Her parents accept most invitations, but then someone is usually ill on the day, so she won't end up coming. I know the family quite well and no, they don't get invites for play dates from other parents.

Yes it is a basic part of learning to communicate and collaborate

I don’t think there’s much that’s as clear cut as the way you’ve put it, it could be the parents or it could be the child, it’s easy for you to say the child would love to but children can surprise you, I have a really sociable child who’s amazing at football but just wants to play at home. We have parents hinting or strongly urging us to get him to join the team but he hates it. When they ask however he makes jokes and gives thumbs up as if to say of course! As for the I’ll on the day thing, that happens all the time here either because someone is sick OR the child has asked to not go

You have a point. It seems very unlikely that the child is ill on almost every party, but it could be that she doesn't want to go. If it is a case that she doesn't want to go to play dates and parties, I think it would be better for the child, at this young age, to get exposure to socialising and see that it's not scary. But that might be my tainted view from a parent of very sociable children. When she is here, she seems delighted to be here.

Also I think it's really rude to not attend a party just because the child doesn't want to go on the day. The host of the party will have paid for their place/food/party bag and if you've said you're going, I think you should do whatever you can to show up. If the child really dislikes parties that much, it would be nicer to decline at the beginning.