To feel irritation at people who buy you cleaning products

[greensquirlyma]

It's happened on and off over years that MIL and SIL will randomly buy me and DH cleaning products. There's only ever been one product that I've found to be indispensable. All the others I've not continued to use and prefer my own choices. I've had a word with DH and he says that they probably like using the products so want to share them. But it feels to me like they're implying I don't clean.

I did wonder if this might be happening in my case. They've never turned up with Zoflora for instance - which is one thing I use - but it'll often be cheaper products, like a mop that is really flimsy, or a product which smells chemically.

Our house is not surgically clean but nor is it dirty nor untidy. It's even been referred to as 'show home' (it's definitely not!), my brother asked me if I ever actually cooked in my kitchen, as it's spotless (it's definitely not!).

The only other thing I thought was that perhaps they've giving these things to me because they believe that DH does all the cleaning ...?!! 😂

My MIL gave me soda crystals for laundry before, I didn't think she was implying my clothes were dirty! She just said she finds them great for washing very dirty clothes ( DH and FIL are farmers). I said thank you

Yes, short explanation from her as to why they might be useful for you. Not a random cleaning product plonked down on a bench with no discussion/explanation.

My MIL does this occasionally. I do find it annoying, but more because she very much gives them to me rather than DP, despite both of us being responsible for cleaning the house (and him obviously being her son). My house isn't immaculate and I don't really care, it's clean enough.

However it's easy to just smile and nod, no need to make a fuss over it.

Never in my 52 years has anyone ever bought me cleaning products and I’d never consider giving cleaning products to anyone else. The closest I’ve come to this is a comment from my DP’s mum - when we were in a café - about tea stained teaspoons, in response I said “they need a soak in Milton”, and she said “bleach, it’s cheaper”. I’d be mortified if she then turned up at my home with cleaning products!

Do you clean?

Weird thing to buy someone... Are they Mrs Hinch fans?

I'd mostly find it sexist

Which product did you find indispensable?

Me neither. It seems a strange thing to get worked up about.

My MIL does this. I love her but she is evangelical about eco cleaning products (thinks bleach is the devil, always going on about chemicals, is v sniffy about us using fabric softener). And it's ALWAYS aimed at me and not DH. She also drops comments about what we do/don't recycle, along with 'oh you could always drop those bits over to me and I'll recycle them for you'. Again, directed at me and not DH.

In the past we (I) have been gifted:

• An ecoegg - didn't get stains out of DD's clothes and didn't clean mine properly under the arms as I sweat a lot. Asked several times how we were getting on with it and visibly huffy when I said we'd gone back to Fairy powder.


• About a million 'eco' cloths that apparently you don't need to use any detergent or cleaner with (you do)


• Reusable silicone pot/tub covers to use instead of cling film (don't work the second you get any moisture on them).


• Eco stain remover for clothing that leaked and left a massive mark on our wooden worktop.


• 'Biodegradable' nappies for DD (gave her a terrible rash)

I've never once asked for any of these things - It's not even like I'm always chucking chemicals about, I largely use washing up liquid with a dash of flash/bleach for mopping the floor or cleaning toilets. If I'm honest their house always feels a bit grubby but I would never in a million years comment on how or when they clean as that would be rude.

On reflection, I think MIL and FIL are both this particular type of person - they think their way is the best way and everyone should do everything the same as them - see also how often to mow the lawn, which lawnmower to buy, how to do a roast dinner etc. I love them but it's exhausting.

Oh that is odd, i sometimes get given things people are offloading because they don't like smell or won't use. However I think I'd take regular cleaning related gifts as a mean spirited hint too.

I did buy my dad some eco cleaning products when I'd bought some on offer as not sort of thing they'd spend extra on and smell lovely, which I find makes a dull task a little more pleasant.

I would take this the opposite way - not that they think I don’t clean but that they think I like cleaning
and I would wonder what I had done to give that impression because they clearly wouldn’t know me at all

Yes, I've had this, but not for cleaning. MIL randomly bought a load of random soft furnishings which I took as a comment on our decor.

Are they genuinely gifted? If so can you make light of it? "I'd prefer a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc next time! " etc. Cheeky, but not flat out rude, and gets the point across.

Either that or just lie and say you've switched to eco products, strawberry scented or some other niche so you can't possibly use their suggestions and make sure to hand it back

women's refuges are always desperate for cleaning products and washing powder etc.

This has never happened to me and my house is definitely not clean or tidy! It does feel very gendered though, no-one seems to have mentioned their DH getting the generous and not at all passive aggressive gift of a mop and some Fairy

Goodness, I'd have to say "Oh mil it's nice of you to buy that Cillit Bang for me, but in all honesty I would prefer a bunch of daffs/bag of Galaxy Minstrels/bottle of wine". Make them feel daft!

I don’t really have a problem with telling someone their gift is unwanted unless it’s a one-off. It’s better to be honest about these things so they aren’t wasting their time and money buying them.

I'd ask them why. This is very odd.

My mum does this all the time. She's just sharing something she likes and uses.

What have they bought you have thrown out ? If they do it again I would just say - Oh we don't use that , you have it - but interested to hear what cleaning products have to be thrown away

Well, I'll tell my mum and sisters I will no longer be buying them CIF or Flash at 30p a bottle or whatever crazy deal I find because Mumsnet thinks it's odd to buy cleaning products for family.

Me neither.

I think, if someone who knew me, and presumably my house, bought me a bottle of Ajax once, I'd think wtf. More than once and I'd perhaps start to ask myself if my house was a shithole.

Well, I'll tell my mum and sisters I will no longer be buying them CIF or Flash at 30p a bottle or whatever crazy deal I find because Mumsnet thinks it's odd to buy cleaning products for family

That's different. Don't know why people can't see the difference between people sharing deals like this or sharing tips and what the OP says happens, MIL and/or SIL come round to visit, bringing some cleaning stuff with them and then leave it on the side without mentioning it or discussing it, nothing like "Flash was dirt cheap at Sainsbury's so I got a couple of extra bottles. Here's one for you" or whatever.

@Gudbrand

Don't know why people can't see the difference between people sharing deals like this or sharing tips and what the OP says happens, MIL and/or SIL come round to visit, bringing some cleaning stuff with them and then leave it on the side without mentioning it or discussing it

But that's not what's happening here. OP says: The way it goes is that when they visit they'll be carrying the item and place it on the table with a brief 'got this for you'

So it is being mentioned/discussed.

I have a friend who does this! She loves trying new products and sharing her finds. At first I was not grateful but I must say our trainers look great since she gave me the magic erasers. And the Shiny Sinks does indeed make my sink shiny. And the toilet pumice (which I thought was a step too far) has revitalised an old toilet. So now I welcome her guidance.