Am I being strung along?

[Outwiththeoldinwiththenew]

Hi all
I need advice on where to go from here but my gut instinct is that I am being strung along. I am dating a man and everything seemed fine but over the last week something feels different.

We have planned a few meet ups but he says he will ‘let me know’ or he says he ‘thinks’ he will be able to see me then. We text everyday and he says all the right things but I’m not sure if I’m being taken for a ride.

He was very keen at first and he was the one asking to see me etc but now it seems like he can’t be bothered to make plans

Why are you ignoring your gut feeling?

How long have you been dating?

Yes of course you are being strung along. When a man wants a woman, really wants her, he goes all in. If you are not feeling like a priority, you aren’t one. Move on.

Spend more time together and really try to assess whether you are a long term possibility. It's best to know.

How often are you suggesting a date? Does he suggest a date at all?
How long have you been dating?

I think more context is needed.

Thanks all

@Nellyandben I just asked him when I could next see him basically and he said that. He does suggest them but not a definite date, just says soon or ‘next time we will do this’. Dating around a month but speaking for longer

He has decided it is not right for him
You know yourself if he was interested he would be making sure he sees you

Sorry OP but I think he's got a new woman lined up for a date and wants to see how it goes with her.

I think he's trying to ease out of it but doesn't have the guts to say so and is hoping that you will end it.

He's just not that into you. If a man really wants to see you and be with you, he will move heaven and earth to do so. His attitude screams, "can't be bothered".

Bin and move on as you can do a lot better

Maybe you're being a bit full on for him as it's only been a month? And hes pulling away.
Or he could simply not be feeling it anymore or have other stresses in his life.
It could be anything!

Ask him that out straight if you don't want to wait around and see.

How exactly is the OP supposed to do that?

That's the whole point of the thread, he won't commit to meeting her.

Maybe he's met someone else and is deciding between the two of you? I'd be a bit slow to respond to his texts, don't text first and don't suggest any dates and see what happens. Don't do the pick me dance, just stand back a little. If he has met someone else and obs could be wrong then nothing you can do. What you can do though is take back control of you and not be hanging on waiting for it all to be as you expect. Might just be he's having second thoughts or has commitment issues. Alternatively, you could just ask if everythings OK.

Thank you. He does text me first which is what confuses me and he’s very nice to me over text. I think he is saying things that he thinks I want too here. He is a very busy man because he works long hours and makes things in a workshop to sell too so I feel maybe I’m just not a priority. I feel a bit let down because he took a long time to convince me to go for a date because I’d been single for a long time and wasn’t sure if I was ready to date. He was very attentive but now seems to have backed off a bit. I think he thinks I will just stick around and let him carry on what he is doing

He's doing the slow fade with the option to keep you as a maybe. Dump block delete. Never someone's option op.

I'd not bother and see if he contacts you to meet up. If not then he's not interested.

Never be an option *

After my last typo of wank satin instead of wank stain on another thread I'm now stepping away from mumsnet the rest of the day ffs

I just asked him when I could next see him basically and he said that. He does suggest them but not a definite date, just says soon or ‘next time we will do this’. Dating around a month but speaking for longer

Then you need to tackle it head on, & stop playing the Pick-Me Dance.

"Hey - it's been great getting to know you, which is why I asked when we are meeting again! But as you don't seem to want to find a date to do that, I'm going to assume that you've lost interest, & wish you all the best. Cheerio"

Trouble is if you send that he’ll probably temporarily buck his ideas up for a few days, then slip back.

It really shouldn’t be hard work at the beginning. Trust your gut.

If they want to they will.

I know @Honeyroar & you are right.

However - OP has agency, & doesn't need to respond.
All she needs to do is make up her mind that she isn't being treated in the way she wants to be treated, & dump him.

If he makes an effort AFTER a dumping text, she can then choose what to do.
I'd feel "too little too late mate", send regrets & then block.
OP may feel differently, but any man who needs a rocket up the bum before he'll set the next date is simply not worth seeing again.

My SIL had this recently. She sent a message saying “Look we’re obviously too busy to put enough effort into this, so I think we’d be better calling it a day.” It clearly says enough is enough, while giving them a little feedback to think about!”

Have you slept together op? Some men do this after they have "got what they wanted". If you haven't slept together then his behaviour is most strange. Although it is early days.

He's speaking to someone else.

If a man wants to be with you he doesn't risk losing you. He's trying to keep you as an option while perusing this other person full-time.

Take three days; no contact. Wait for him to contact you. If he doesn't, you have your answer. If he does, now you call all the shorts.