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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lending loney to FIL

25 replies

Ameelia · 17/05/2022 20:33

FIL and MIL are going on holiday abroad for the first time in 3 years, my husband said FIL came to ask him 2000 pound loan. We are 1 income family with 4 kids, me and husband husband dont drink/smoke/dine out etc, FIL goes out every week, gambles etc so my answer was.. er.. NO. FIL has known the holiday has been coming for 2 years. My husband is upset with me, am I aibu?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 17/05/2022 20:34

Of course YANBU!

Iloveacurry · 17/05/2022 20:39

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. Do both MIL and FIL work? Perhaps they should go on a cheaper holiday.

Whooshaagh · 17/05/2022 20:42

Never lend money to family unless you’re prepared to lose it.
If you decide to loan the money make your fil sign a repayment agreement. I have loaned money to my ds in the past, we always write out an agreement and both sign.
We’ve never fallen out over it and ds has repaid everytime.

Shinyandnew1 · 17/05/2022 20:45

The only odd thing about this thread is your husband’s reaction to you!

Is he usually happy to give away huge sums of your family’s money?!

bananaboats · 17/05/2022 20:49

Absolutely not, if they can't afford to go they should cancel.

Beachbabe1 · 17/05/2022 20:51

When is the holiday?? He hasnt saved money to go? Or has spent the money meant for holiday! Either way let his wife find out what a gambling drunk he is!!

Original poster
Ameelia · 17/05/2022 21:01

They are pensioners and MIL has no idea about FIL asking for a loan, probs over done it gambling and says he will pay back when his inheritance frol a relative comes through. My husband is guilt tripping that i will ruin their holiday now because when mil finds out they have no spending money they wont go. I feel like my husband is as lame as FIL.

OP posts:
Therealjudgejudy · 17/05/2022 21:01

Absolutely no to lending money to someone who gambles every weekend. You won't get this money back.

They need to not go on holiday if they can't afford it..

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 17/05/2022 21:05

You haven't ruined their holiday, FiL has.
That's a lot of money!

whynotwhatknot · 17/05/2022 21:05

er no especially to a gambler you'll never see it again

Lizziekisss · 17/05/2022 21:07

Can you afford never to get it back?

Jeschara · 17/05/2022 21:10

No, do not lend it too them.

Hoppinggreen · 17/05/2022 21:12

Ameelia · 17/05/2022 21:01

They are pensioners and MIL has no idea about FIL asking for a loan, probs over done it gambling and says he will pay back when his inheritance frol a relative comes through. My husband is guilt tripping that i will ruin their holiday now because when mil finds out they have no spending money they wont go. I feel like my husband is as lame as FIL.

It’s not you who has ruined their holiday

Original poster
Ameelia · 17/05/2022 21:13

No Lizzie could not afford to loose it, husband just showed me our credit card bill at nearly 4k as we are doing renovations.

OP posts:
RoyKent · 17/05/2022 21:14

Waiting for an inheritance to come in? How long could that be? 100% no.

KangarooKenny · 17/05/2022 21:14

No, no ,no.

Theworkhouse · 17/05/2022 21:19

Is your husband expecting you both to lend him the money from your credit card? If so, this is very unreasonable of him when you already have so much owing.

AngelinaFangelina · 17/05/2022 21:20

Absolutely not.
If you had the spare money and it wouldn't effect you if it was never repaid (because I'd pretty much guarantee this will happen) then maybe, but no way in this situation. It's ridiculous to be lending 2 grand when you have a 4 grand credit card bill -if you had 2 grand available you should pay some off your own debt!!!!

Hesma · 17/05/2022 21:21

No, no, NO! He’ll probably gamble that away too.

Georgeskitchen · 17/05/2022 21:22

No way!! I hope he was told to fuck off to the far side of fuck!!

ZekeZeke · 17/05/2022 21:29

Where is this £2k getting plucked from?
If you have this cash sitting somewhere pay off your £4k credit card bill.
At least your DH discussed it with you.

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/05/2022 21:30

"My husband is guilt tripping that i will ruin their holiday now because when mil finds out they have no spending money they wont go. I feel like my husband is as lame as FIL."

Yes he is as lame as FIL. I'd be reading my husband the Riot Act right now, and he could take his "upset with me" and shove it where the sun don't shine. If their holiday is ruined it has been ruined by his father the gambler. The very notion that he would "pay [the loan] back when his inheritance from a relative comes through" is laughable. He'll gamble it away. Your husband needs to get a grip.

AngelinaFangelina · 17/05/2022 21:41

Sounds like the perfect opportunity for FIL to get a reality check. He's pissed away his money gambling. He doesn't get to replenish it with a "loan" from someone else. He has to deal with his issues. Your DH thinks he's getting repayed by a gambler who can't even save for his own holiday?! Naive and ridiculous. You give that money it's gone. You get an extra 2k on a 4k debt.
You can't afford it. You will be going into further debt. You tell him that, it's the truth.

Beautiful3 · 17/05/2022 22:09

Never lend money, unless you can live without it repaid. He wouldn't repay you, the resentment between you would be so bad. You have a good excuse, you're on one wage and already in £4000 debt. He can ask someone else.

StoneofDestiny · 17/05/2022 22:29

No way - never lend money to a gambler. If he can't raise a loan on his own steam he is probably in debt already.
Your husband needs to wise up.

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