Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House purchase - WWYD

110 replies

Animallover87 · 17/05/2022 18:09

Myself and Fiancee getting married next month. Planning on each selling our flats and buying a house together. I love going on holiday/eating out regularly and would like to hopefully have a baby soon so I think we should buy something quite modest and still have plenty of disposable income. Also I would like the freedom to go part time after baby. DFiancee thinks we should stretch ourselves to the max to get the best house we can as it's an investment for the future and will be worth it as we could get a nice house with lots of space. I just worry about having to worry about money and that I might resent the lack of freedom it will bring. The more we buy the more tied to work we are! AIBU to want to live well below our means so we can enjoy more of life?

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 17/05/2022 18:10

None of you is wrong but the problem is your financial and lifestyle outlooks don’t seem to be compatible.

Watermill · 17/05/2022 18:11

Have you sat down with him and done the sums?

Is he on the same page re having a baby soon?

onlywork55 · 17/05/2022 18:12

No you are not being unreasonable at all to feel this way.

But it does make things difficult if you and your partner have completely different outlooks on this. Their viewpoint is totally valid too - personally I’m more in their camp and would prefer to spend more on a house and scrimp in other areas, the difference is that my DH feels the same.

You need to find a compromise you’re both happy with or it will lead to a lot of resentment.

bellsbuss · 17/05/2022 18:13

Is the modest house big enough for children ? Will you outgrow it quickly ? I have friends who regret not buying a bigger house and now they have children can't afford to as the gap is too big.

RaininSummer · 17/05/2022 18:16

Maybe you could compromise but get a house which is suitable for a lodger too to make up for any reduced earnings later.

Cocodreams · 17/05/2022 18:16

You need to sit down and work out a compromise as neither of your financial outlooks match and this could cause huge problems down the line.

On paper buying a more expensive property is a better return than spending on restaurants and holidays, however you have to live too. Being tied to huge mortgage repayments with little wiggle room for other expenditure isn’t smart either. There needs to be a compromise.

ladytessa · 17/05/2022 18:23

I would max the house budget. It makes more sense for a growing family. No sense of wasting money on eating out and such.

Original poster
Animallover87 · 17/05/2022 18:24

bellsbuss · 17/05/2022 18:13

Is the modest house big enough for children ? Will you outgrow it quickly ? I have friends who regret not buying a bigger house and now they have children can't afford to as the gap is too big.

We are late 30s so only planning on having one. So are looking at 3 bed house.

OP posts:
LoveSpringDaffs · 17/05/2022 18:30

I can see both points of view, however, DF is definitely being 'sensible' if you don't buy the most suitable house now, it will become more difficult to do later on and another lot of expenses.

how on board is he with you going ot after you have a baby? Is he onboard with having a baby?

Nothappyatwork · 17/05/2022 18:31

In 2003 my ex and I will look into that exactly the same as you were only we already had three children in tow we were gonna sell both our houses down south and buy one in Altrincham for 445,000 this would’ve meant that I would’ve had to have continued working full time but we need into paid school fees because the local Primary‘s were excellent might of needed to reconsider for secondary but as it happened actually all three were capable of passing the 11+ so basically we would’ve been in an amazing position .

I got the hormonal heebie-jeebies I’m basically did not want to get into that much debt we would’ve been borrowing about £300k

That house is now worth £1.1 million.
upon getting divorced literally we both could’ve bought a house with the proceeds in the profits. Outright.
what actually ended up happening was we bought a house in a much cheaper area for 250,000 and nearly 20 years later in the boom that we’ve just had it sold for 280.

I wish I could go back in time.

Original poster
Animallover87 · 17/05/2022 18:31

Yes 100% on board.

OP posts:
cloudchaos · 17/05/2022 18:36

If you're going to "max" yourselves out, make sure you fix your mortgage for as long as you can and factor in any potential interest rate increases into your calculations to make sure you can still afford it. Interest rates are only going one way.

DeandraLove · 17/05/2022 18:37

With the BoE base rate being increased (yet again!), costs soaring and the UK heading into recession.. it's a bad time to be extending yourself.
Once you factor all these rises in what you 'can afford' isn't going to be that much.
Earning 30K each for example gives a range of £168,000 and £252,000.
You'd both be U to insist on either extreme, but wise to stick to the lower end (180 at most maybe?)

Especially since a lot of '3 beds' are 2 proper sixed bedroom and a box...

Original poster
Animallover87 · 17/05/2022 18:39

Nothappyatwork · 17/05/2022 18:31

In 2003 my ex and I will look into that exactly the same as you were only we already had three children in tow we were gonna sell both our houses down south and buy one in Altrincham for 445,000 this would’ve meant that I would’ve had to have continued working full time but we need into paid school fees because the local Primary‘s were excellent might of needed to reconsider for secondary but as it happened actually all three were capable of passing the 11+ so basically we would’ve been in an amazing position .

I got the hormonal heebie-jeebies I’m basically did not want to get into that much debt we would’ve been borrowing about £300k

That house is now worth £1.1 million.
upon getting divorced literally we both could’ve bought a house with the proceeds in the profits. Outright.
what actually ended up happening was we bought a house in a much cheaper area for 250,000 and nearly 20 years later in the boom that we’ve just had it sold for 280.

I wish I could go back in time.

Wow! This definitely puts doubts in my head about my perspective then lol.

OP posts:
Fleurty · 17/05/2022 18:40

If it was me I would want to buy somewhere that was suitable as a long term house. Moving is expensive, when youre buying and selling it can cost £10k+ for solicitors, movers, stamp duty EA fees.

I would stretch myself as far as it took to try and make sure it was a long term house and I wouldn't have to move again in a few years time.

DeandraLove · 17/05/2022 18:41

Nothappyatwork · 17/05/2022 18:31

In 2003 my ex and I will look into that exactly the same as you were only we already had three children in tow we were gonna sell both our houses down south and buy one in Altrincham for 445,000 this would’ve meant that I would’ve had to have continued working full time but we need into paid school fees because the local Primary‘s were excellent might of needed to reconsider for secondary but as it happened actually all three were capable of passing the 11+ so basically we would’ve been in an amazing position .

I got the hormonal heebie-jeebies I’m basically did not want to get into that much debt we would’ve been borrowing about £300k

That house is now worth £1.1 million.
upon getting divorced literally we both could’ve bought a house with the proceeds in the profits. Outright.
what actually ended up happening was we bought a house in a much cheaper area for 250,000 and nearly 20 years later in the boom that we’ve just had it sold for 280.

I wish I could go back in time.

where did you buy?
I rent in Altrincham currently but it's too expensive... tying in what you said.

Honestly a lot of people were lucky, but that's the way it goes. You were lucky to have kept your jobs, many lost theirs in 2008 and their lovely houses along with it, no matter what the prices are now.

No matter what a future house price is a huge mortgage still has to be paid off,..meaning less £££ for other stuff.

Original poster
Animallover87 · 17/05/2022 18:41

DeandraLove · 17/05/2022 18:37

With the BoE base rate being increased (yet again!), costs soaring and the UK heading into recession.. it's a bad time to be extending yourself.
Once you factor all these rises in what you 'can afford' isn't going to be that much.
Earning 30K each for example gives a range of £168,000 and £252,000.
You'd both be U to insist on either extreme, but wise to stick to the lower end (180 at most maybe?)

Especially since a lot of '3 beds' are 2 proper sixed bedroom and a box...

Totally agree. Everything is getting more expensive and it terrifies me.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 17/05/2022 18:42

Neither of you are wrong, but you need to sit down and develop a life plan. Ie. When do you plan to buy a house, have children, etc. it’s a grown up conversation, but needs to be had.

The budget planner on Moneysavingexpert is good for working out expenditure etc.

DeandraLove · 17/05/2022 18:46

What sort of houses are you envisioning btw? Does he want, say a 5 bed? And you're happy with a 3 bed? What does a 'nice' house mean? What's the upper limit of affordability?

basketb · 17/05/2022 18:49

Wow! This definitely puts doubts in my head about my perspective then lol.

Whilst I don't think it's a bad idea to stretch yourself now (frequent moving is expensive & if prices rise it's harder to move up the ladder) with the way the economy is looking I wouldn't presume we will see anything like the historic growth in house prices.

Original poster
Animallover87 · 17/05/2022 18:53

DeandraLove · 17/05/2022 18:46

What sort of houses are you envisioning btw? Does he want, say a 5 bed? And you're happy with a 3 bed? What does a 'nice' house mean? What's the upper limit of affordability?

I'm happy with a 3 bed and he is too as long as it's big enough but as PP said, a lot of them are quite pokey. He has quite a lot of stuff and wants a whole room for an art studio. So he would prefer bigger. We are both on around 40k per year and he would like a 300k house and I would prefer more like 220ish.

OP posts:
Calmdown14 · 17/05/2022 18:55

Could you compromise by buying something with future potential? So focus on plot rather than just the house?

Neither of you is wrong but no one knows what the future holds so it's hard to say which approach is best.

I think that if you can get a three bed with room for improvement (not a complete renovation project but something that can be done in future decades) then there's no need to overcommit.

I'd then overpay the mortgage from the beginning so you are making similar payments to a bigger property but can cut them for mat leave or when you have a child

basketb · 17/05/2022 19:01

I'd say 300k on 80k is conservative

Hankunamatata · 17/05/2022 19:06

Really depends on your personalities. We went for the more affordable option and got stuck due to several issues. On plus side the house is very affordable, I could go very part time when we had disabled dc and affording was never a worry. However we have been out priced of the area in terms of moving, house hasn't gained much value due to area.
I do regret slightly not pushing a bit more in terms of moving somewhere bigger but no one knows the future

Passanotherjaffacake · 17/05/2022 19:06

We bought a starter home with a plan to have our little ones there and then move. It got cramped and we became unhappy in a relatively few number of years.

just bought our big, proper family home in great school catchments and we are all so much happier now! Was a huge stretch (and we were lucky we could stretch) and the jump was bigger then it would have been if we had just bought the current house straight away (if that makes sense).

my DH used to worry about mortgages and stuff and that is why we bought the smaller house even though I knew we would make a better investment with somewhere bigger (and not have had to move). He has acknowledged that maybe it wasn’t the best of his decisions.

so I’m with your DH.