3yo keeps asking for his dad when I'm disciplining him

[SparkleOwl65]

And by discipline it is nothing out of the ordinary (not letting him have his toys until he has tidied up, sending him for a time out etc). He doesn't know his dad. He is likely to start supervised contact in the coming months, which I am not supportive of due to domestic abuse, protective orders, ptsd from the way his dad treated me etc. I don't know if it is the ptsd talking but I can't deal with when my son says he wants his daddy. I'm scared he's going to grow up confused, or that when he meets his dad he's going to love him far more than he loves me and want to be with him not me. I'm just a bit of a state and there's no support out there re how to deal with this shit. What do I do? How do I cope?

So he’s asking for a dad that he doesn’t even know? Have you discussed his dad with him or has anyone else? Just seems odd he’s asking for someone he doesn’t know when he’s (presumably) upset?

Sounds like he's realised he's found a button to push, just completely ignore it when he says this.

I just answer questions when he asks. I don't bring up his dad. I don't badmouth him, ever. It's hard to get things right but obviously he has realised other children have fathers.

I do outwardly ignore it. Internally it breaks me as his dad used to abuse me horrifically. He used to rape me and control me and I just find it really hard knowing he will be back in our son's life and mine again soon

When he says it, how do you respond to him. Are you making a big deal out of it or just shrugging, ignoring and carrying on?
He doesn’t really have any idea what he’s saying. He’ll take his cue from how you react. It’s the equivalent of screaming ‘you’re not my mum’ whilst mid tantrum in the supermarket.
Ignore it, don’t let it change the way you deal with him and he’ll stop.

Have you sorted out therapy for him? Looked in to adverse childhood experiences impact on people? How to parent a traumatised kid? I say that with kindness, I am burdened with a monster like that for a father, too.

I'm reallt sorry you went through that. I don't know that any of that is necessary as he hasn't seen his dad since he was a few weeks old and has really had a lovely childhood thus far. Nothing traumatic other than the pandemic and being stuck at home which I think passed him by anyway!