I'm heartbroken and have no right to be

[CoffeeLover90]

I'll try and keep this short. Was with ex almost 17 years, since I was 15. Have DS 2 together. He binge drank on and off 2 years and it caused arguments, there was a lot in the past too but feel I'd moved on from it. In the last 2 years he didn't act like he wanted to be together most of the time. He'd say he just needed money and a place to live then later say he'd only said that as he was drunk. I stayed as I loved him, thought I could help. It ended with him attacking me. He was removed by police 7 weeks ago.
Since then I've found out he'd slept with his younger brothers girlfriend behind my back. It sounds like it's happened more than once. He was bailed to his mother address, where the brother and gf also live. His mother died on Friday and only yesterday did they find out about ex and the brothers gf. His older sister threw ex and step dad out the house. She has no idea where they're staying only knows the town. Has no contact details for them either. He has not seen DS since leaving, he'd need to be supervised by older sister but she doesn't trust his state of mind and he hasn't tried to arrange anything.
I can't believe I let myself be used and abused for so long and now I feel betrayed. I should be happy, now he's been seen for what he is. But I'm not.
I've been referred to the freedom programme and I understand there's a wait. I start CBT tomorrow. I don't even know what I expect from this post. I just don't know what to do with myself.

I should add, I rang women in need and told them he wasn't at his bail address but can't give any more info. They're passing it on to relevant authorities.

I think you have every right to be heartbroken. It must be very hard for your DS at the moment, but I would be thankful that he he is currently keeping away. It does not sound like he has anything good to offer your DS at the moment.

Sorry about your MIL.

DS has been doing great, better than he was when he was here. Which is also heartbreaking as the relationship may have been affecting him and I didn't even realise.
I couldn't be there for MIL at the end, as I would have been, can't even go to the funeral as I have injunction against the ex. It's the fact I'll never know why, I can't speak to him, don't want to know and he'd lie anyway.

I am not sure CBT will be the best approach to help with this, you may do better with counselling. You have the perfect right to feel however you feel. I am glad your DS is doing well, sorry you could not pay your respects at the funeral. Take care.

Yes I agree @Wheresmywoolyjumpers (speaking as a CBT therapist). Counselling to support you through the upheaval and the Freedom Programme to help you think about your relationship from a different perspective might be the better approach (though obviously we don’t know what the CBT referral was for originally). CBT is structured and very helpful for anxiety in all its manifestations but sometimes supportive counselling which is less structured can be really helpful when life is in flux to speak to someone who has a non judgemental positive regard and can help someone to work out where they go next.

Thank you very much for the advice. I called a private health care service (free through my employer) after an initial assessment the CBT for trauma was suggested. I can always ask for counselling too, while doing CBT or after, if I feel a need. I haven't had a normal mind for so long I can't remember what it's like.

Thank god you found out now and not in another 6 years!
keep the hell away from the lot of them.
itll be ok op. You know now-you wont get suckered in again.

Just talk to the clinician when you see them @CoffeeLover90 - some people are trained in both so can be flexible, but each will want you to get the best help you can for your needs. Good luck with it.