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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should look after dc?

22 replies

ljsnamechange · 17/05/2022 10:37

NC for this as fully expecting to be told IABU. Which I'll accept if so.

DP worked a night shift last night. I was home with our 13 month old. DD slept fine but I didn't- I was awake feeling crap, think I've got some kind of bug, temp through the roof, incredibly sore throat and earache. Just generally feeling awful and this morning not much better. DP has obviously gone to bed after his night shift.

Am I BU to think he should get up a bit earlier than he normally would to take over today before he goes back to work this evening, so I get a chance to rest too? Or should I just suck it up and leave him to sleep as long as he needs to?

OP posts:
Original poster
ljsnamechange · 17/05/2022 10:38

I had paragraphs in that but they disappeared for some reason!

OP posts:
123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 17/05/2022 10:42

I suppose you would also need to take into account what his job is ie driving, using heavy machinery from a safety perspective. i dont think an issue a couple of hours early if not. Not sure if DC has an afternoon nap as you could try to catch up then (easier said than done though when all you have running through your head is the housework etc you need to catch up on) i had this issue as my DP is HGV driver and i remember those being the worst times. Hope you feeling better soon and manage to catch up x

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/05/2022 10:44

Sounds like you may have Covid - have you done a test? I know they’re hard to come by now, but I’d want to know if I had it.

I would say, depending on what his job is, it’s reasonable for him to get up a bit earlier than usual as you’re not well. Unless his job is driving or surgery or something.

ilovemyboys3 · 17/05/2022 10:45

I think you need to suck it up and let him sleep. After all, he needs to go to work again tonight which means he won't be sleeping again until tomorrow morning when in fact you can just go to bed as soon as your daughter does. If he had tonight off then I would be saying he should get up a bit earlier and then he can have an early night.

MolliciousIntent · 17/05/2022 10:45

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 17/05/2022 10:42

I suppose you would also need to take into account what his job is ie driving, using heavy machinery from a safety perspective. i dont think an issue a couple of hours early if not. Not sure if DC has an afternoon nap as you could try to catch up then (easier said than done though when all you have running through your head is the housework etc you need to catch up on) i had this issue as my DP is HGV driver and i remember those being the worst times. Hope you feeling better soon and manage to catch up x

This.

Original poster
ljsnamechange · 17/05/2022 10:47

He is a police officer

OP posts:
Original poster
ljsnamechange · 17/05/2022 10:47

I do need to do a covid test, I'll have a hunt around for some when DD naps ...

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RollOnWinter · 17/05/2022 10:49

I think you need to let him sleep. He must work long shifts in a very stressful job. Couldn't you go to sleep when your little one has a nap? Take some Paracetamol, drink plenty, and hopefully you'll soon feel better.

MolliciousIntent · 17/05/2022 10:54

ljsnamechange · 17/05/2022 10:47

He is a police officer

Then I think you need to let him sleep. Have a chilled day with your DD and get some rest.

BigMamaFratelli · 17/05/2022 10:58

I think you need to suck it up and let him sleep in. I'm sorry you're feeling rough though💐

Mally100 · 17/05/2022 10:58

Sorry you are feeling unwell. Definitely try to do a test. I think unfortunately you will need to do the childcare. Have a down day, nap when your LO naps, order in food, TV time, etc.

LittleOwl153 · 17/05/2022 11:02

I suspect this is a stick cbeebies on the TV and baracade dd in kind of a day. He does need to help when he gets up and if you end up feeling worse he will need to looknat taking some leave won't he?

LostSocksBrigade · 17/05/2022 11:05

I think the happy compromise here is that he gets to sleep, but when he's up he needs to make sandwiches or easy food you can both eat later with minimum fuss. It's hard isn't it. I'm a single parent and being sick and having to keep going is tough. Feel better soon!

Original poster
ljsnamechange · 17/05/2022 11:13

Yes C beebies is my best friend today! It's not my best parenting but it's just about survival today. 😩 DD doesn't seem bothered though, she's very smiley and happy!

Parenting is so hard when you're feeling rough. We don't have family support either so no one I can call for help. Tbh I've felt worse than this and got through the day so I know I can do it. Just doesn't feel very nice.

OP posts:
Elsiebear90 · 17/05/2022 11:16

Night shifts are hard anyway, you should let him sleep and just go to bed early tonight yourself imo. He’s got to work all night again so doesn’t have that luxury.

CandyApplePie · 17/05/2022 11:17

I think YABU sorry

Whatafielddayfortheheat · 17/05/2022 11:31

I sympathise because DH is a hospital doctor. I'm afraid you have to suck it up, I know it's rubbish but night shifts are so difficult, he'll be exhausted anyway and he needs to be able to concentrate in a job like his. This doesn't mean you can't moan and grumble about it to anyone who will listen!! Shift work is so hard for the families isn't it.

bellebeautifu1 · 17/05/2022 11:31

You have my sympathies OP, nights can be a fucking nightmare when you have kids. I speak from 15yrs experience (my DH worked nights), it messes with family time and you are often left on your own with a sick child or a child who doesnt sleep if they are on shift or asleep during the way. My DD never slept through when she was young, I worked FT but it was left to me if DH was on nights.

Obvs not as hard as single parenting before anyone jumps on me, but I do get wistful at some families who dont have to juggle the practacilites of shift work.

bellebeautifu1 · 17/05/2022 11:32

*during the day

Original poster
ljsnamechange · 17/05/2022 11:47

Yes shift work is very hard on family life. The weekends, early shifts, and late shifts aren't great either. Sometimes wish he just had a normal 9-5!

OP posts:
Original poster
ljsnamechange · 17/05/2022 11:48

DD and I are surviving though. Crackers and cheese, boiled egg, fish fingers and tomatoes is an acceptable lunch for a toddler, right? 🙈 (also need to do a food shop!)

OP posts:
TadLlama · 17/05/2022 11:56

As a shift-working parent I can definitely say that I'm afraid you need to suck it up.
DH and I both work shifts and those early years were tough, but the person who was working next (especially back to back nights) got to sleep/rest.
But let the washing up etc pile up while you rest. He can help when he's on his next rest days.

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