to tell family to wait to see my baby?

[salviapages]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant and due end of September. My parents are split and both live in different European countries now, my husbands parents are also split, one lives round the corner other lives at the other end of the country.

They are all asking about when they can visit the baby and I'm finding it a bit much. It's our first and I have no idea how we'll find it - maybe we'll be ready for guests straight away, maybe we'll need time, maybe I'll be late, maybe I'll have an emergency c section and need to recover, who knows?

They all want to book flights and time off work, so I understand practically why they need to know in advance, but I'm finding it hard scheduling so many different visitors at a time where I don't know what will be happening or how I'll be feeling and honestly don't want to have my first weeks with my first baby overwhelmed by the stress of coordinating so many people.

I feel unreasonable just telling them to wait and see as this makes it awkward with work and flights. But also, I still live in my hometown and it's not my problem they all decided to move away which makes visiting awkward! AIBU to tell them to wait?

It’s not a race to see the baby. Tell them that you and husband have agreed no visitors for the first month or whatever and after that you’ll be in touch to plan a nice long visit when you’ll have chance to properly spend time together.

I had a baby in lockdown and was so sad at first that we wouldn't be getting all the visitors but hand on heart it was honestly the best thing ever for my physical and mental recovery and for bonding too. It was great. You may end up needing a c section (of course you may not) and the last thing you want is everyone in your house as you try to re-coup and hobble around. Also if you want to establish breastfeeding you don't want to feel unable to whip your boob out at any given moment and trust me those newborns feed feed feed.

Its lovely for them to be excited but I would set a boundary. Believe me it'll be the first of many you'll have to make when it comes to motherhood/parenthood and now is a good time to start.

Congratulations and good luck!

It's so annoying that people pile the pressure on like this. They act like them seeing the baby is crucial and needs to happen asap.

I would tell them that it's lovely they are so excited and you will make you send them lots of pics and let them know as soon as you feel ready to host a visit."

Agree with the above, also such advanced planning when the baby could be late or early could lead to some very boring visits for them!

YANBU. I get it from their point of view but there are a lot of unknowns with having a baby, including when they’ll actually arrive - you could easily go two weeks overdue!

Your parents (child's grandparents) want to visit to see their new grandchild and have to book soon as flights etc.., that's not unreasonable

Just don't let anyone stay with you. (You do not want that). Say please come after x date, you in this date to x+3 days date and you on that date plus that+3 days date, if you need to book that far ahead.

Please book
Accommodation as we are not hosting anyone as don't know how we will find it once baby is born.

Voila
If you don't feel up to seeing anyone when they visit you can give them morning slots for each of their 3 days- never let anyone stay all day unless they bring food and easing up gloves to practically help out

I'd suggest 3 weeks after due date if they are booking this far ahead as you just don't know
You might be in hospital for 5 days sne overdue so that's why I suggest 3 weeks after EDD

One golden rule, none of them stay with you.

Unless they all hate each other, is it the worst thing if they coincide?

Depending on your relationship with them, would they actually be useful? My mum did loads after my section.

"I would tell them that it's lovely they are so excited and you will make you send them lots of pics and let them know as soon as you feel ready to host a visit." This right here is spot on. You can't give them more than that because you just DON'T KNOW. This is a time in your life when you are perfectly entitled to say no or decline to give an answer, and so you should. Do not let anyone push you into coordinating this. Ideally, get your OH to tell them to back right off. You won't regret it

Babies are notoriously unpredictable, so all
you can do us tell them to plan with a good buffer eg 4 weeks after due date-2+ weeks overdue (I was 18 days past edd with my last baby), plus some time to bed in, get feeding a bit established, any potential hospital stays out the way… for your in-laws will your DH be able to be around?

DEFINITELY insist that they stay elsewhere. You need your space…

They are better off waiting for you to have baby before they start booking things, what if baby is a few weeks early or 2 weeks late?

I did have a few people visit the day I came home with my baby but that was my decision, if I didn't feel up to it I would have told them to stay away until I was ready.

It's your baby, your decision, don't let anyone pressure you