To ask if this tantrum is normal and if responding correctly

[strawberrycheesecake1989]

DS is 20 months. He’s never liked his pram much but with age has got more comfortable with it and often is happy to be in it. It’s also quite a good way to get him to nap. But still, never been the sort of baby/toddler who’d happy be sat on a stationary pram.

the last two weeks he goes absolutely ape shit (literally the most fitting word) if you try and put him in his buggy. I’ve tried all the usual tricks which used to work e.g. giving him a snack whilst I place him in, a toy, even my phone with a show on if I’m really desperate, having the front door open so he can see I’m putting him in the buggy so we can go out and have fun. One of it works anyway.

sorry, I’ve got two questions, as my husband has been asking me if it’s normal as he says he’s never seen a toddler do this:

he got totally wild if you try and out him in. If you put him on and persevere with him staying out and carry on walking he starts violently thrashing around to the point I think he’d actually manage to fling himself out of his straps and out of the buggy

he’ll thrash around having such an e pic tantrum that he’ll actually start hurting himself as he’ll be throwing his head back and his head will hit the sides of the buggy.

at this point I take him out

my husband thinks I’m wrong to do that because now he know if he protests enough he’ll get what he wants and I’m making it worse.

i normally end up putting him in my baby carrier but on my back instead. MAybe I am wrong to do that and it’s not helping myself in the long-run but I just want peace even if it means having chronic back pain from constantly holding and carrrying him.

how do I deal with these tantrums, especially regarding the buggy.

Aibu and my husband is right?

thanks

If he wants to walk, then let him with reins so you still have some control.

Otherwise, let him tantrum in the buggy. Ignote stars and tuts. If you give in, it'll just go on longer and giving yourself back pain to avoid a few tears is just silly. Make sure the straps fit correctly so he can't fling himself out. You are the parent and he needs to do what is expected of him.

I've been there with my DD OP. She did grow out of it but I did my back in carrying her all the time.

Most people looking will be looking in sympathy by the way. I've tried to smile with empathy at mums going through this before. And thank Christ I'm not in that stage anymore!!

Buy some reins, push the buggy they're useful for bags then walk until he wants the buggy

It’s easy to say don’t give in, but sometimes you need an out, so instead of taking him out for whacking his head, get him to do something/anything approximating asking eg saying out, pointing (even if you have to help him do it)

that way you’re not reinforcing the head banging but reinforcing the asking.

at this age the associations are immediate and if you give him the “reward” of getting out right after he bangs his head, you’re literally teaching him to bang his head to get out.

If you slip something into the middle, the association is formed between that and the reward.

hope that helps

Reins are a god send, also a ride on bike/scooter. Only use the buggy when you really need to.

I’m going against most previous posters here but I would give up on the buggy in your case, I wouldn’t put myself or my child through this.

If he hates the restraint of being strapped in maybe a push along trike as someone suggested above might work? Otherwise I would let him walk as much as possible and try to arrange days around that. Maybe that’s giving in to tantrums but to me it’s just dealing with the situation realistically.

My two year old is the same!! He'll thrash about, try to climb out etc. We tried reigns but he ends up swinging off those or lying on the floor in rage. So I feel for you!
Interestingly he behaves perfectly for my MIL who baby sits one day a week, they always go on the same route about the same time and he knows he sits in there until they're at the end of her road on the way back, then he's allowed out to hold hands... even more annoying to know he can and will do it, just not for me!

Just a show of solidarity, my ds did this too at this age. He's 24 months now and still does it a fair bit tbh. Its an absolute nightmare and I dread whenever we have to go somewhere, leave the park etc. I have found however that now we can communicate a bit better it has got a lot easier to negotiate. Hang in there sis.

Never ever give in once you've committed to something. We do not negotiate with terrorists.

At that age ExH would let them walk. If they said carry me. He stop walking pick them up for about 30 seconds and not move a single step. Then put them down and off they'd walk again. I'd also second reins. Mine was also a bolter and that was terrifying.

Even teacup terrorists. Even when they're moving missiles to the border. Come on OP, be Finland!

I can see that working well for an older child but at 20 months my son wouldn’t have understood those sorts of choices at all. Maybe he’s not very advanced, but he’s now nearly three and I’d say it’s only recently he’s started to be able to make choices about his behaviour based on the consequences it’ll have - eg ‘if you put your shoes on now we can go to the farm and if you don’t put your shoes on we’ll stay at home. What do you want to do?’

I found 18-24 months a really tricky stage for tantrums because there was just no reasoning with him.

Ok Im making note of all of this thank you so much

Mine hated the buggy too, what you’re describing sounds like a toddler.

@n4ish

I echo this, my DD would also resist a pushchair at that age as I also used a carrier and she preferred it.. I ditched the pushchair and just did a mix of carrying and walking on trips out. I found it much easier in the end as hands free to deal with older DC and my DD is a great distance walker now !
when I read your post I wondered if the buggy is very uncomfortable or hurting them perhaps xx

I don't know how to do the quote thing but re ability to understand consequences at a young age, I think you would be surprised at what they do understand. We never had any issues with either of ours. We all have an innate sense of risk. So a one year old knows when something hurts if they do it, so they don't.

Was also just thinking we had introduced reward charts by age two for potty training. You could try stickers for climbing in the buggy himself. Make into a rocket shape and he can pick a book at 5 and 10 stickers or something.

Have you tried him in trike? The ones with the long handles that you push. I found a trike a total game changer, not practical for naps but my daughter loves going out in the trike as she feels like she’s doing it herself. You can probably find a reasonable one secondhand on Facebook market place

We went for a similar phase where he would get excited to leave the house but refuse the buggy. He hated reigns too and wouldn't walk by me. The amount of times I've said you either sit in it and we go out or if you don't we will stay at home and basically took my coat and shoes off back into the living room. Then he would climb in his own buggy. I've been through many stages of this including refusing to sit in the car seat to the point where he would make himself sick from crying so much. Also I had the yo-yo pushchair around that age and later switched to a baby jogger where he happily sits in it for long periods of time. I think with the yo-yo it was too flimsy, low and felt every bump so I'm guessing that also might have played a part in refusing to sit in the buggy.

Have you been able to find out anything about why he doesn’t want to get in the buggy? Is he uncomfortable, are
the straps too tight etc..? Does he not like it because it makes him sleepy? Or he equates it with nap time and he doesn’t want that yet..?
And does he have to be in it when you leave the house? Can’t he walk at first (with reins if needed) while you push the buggy until he’s tired and can be tempted into it for a rest from walking?

Honestly if it was me I'd get a wrist strap/reins abs let him walk beside the pram, they when he's tired put him in.

Is he less likely to protest if he's tired/it's t get a rest? Maybe explain to him? Almost as though it's him making the decision? Ie "you can walk beside mummy abs then if you feel too tired and want to rest for a little while you can jump in the buggy"

Would that work?

My DS did the same, was genuinely distressed, not just tantrumming. I worked out that hewas finding forward facing too scary, wind in face, noises, too many people. I bought one which faced me instead. Never cried again....

Would he stand on a buggy board? You can probably pick one up cheaply secondhand to try it out. I’m not sure that forcing / battling / calling him a terrorist is the way to go.. I think it sets up a power struggle and fails to model dealing with things in a calm, respectful manner, which is the behaviour you ultimately want to see from him. So I’d be looking to discover what it is he dislikes about the buggy, and finding a workaround that works for you both. For instance, from 12 months ds2 hated the high chair, but quite happily sat in a booster seat on a regular chair at the table.

My daughter was very much like this at a similar age. She's a few months older now and able to walk further so we've been able to get rid of the buggy a bit more, but when she was that age we really needed it sometimes, and it killed my back to carry her all the time.

I'd sometimes time it to go with a snack, or ask if she could climb up herself. Sometimes explaining why we needed to go in the pushchair helped, as well as not relying on it too heavily so those trips we could walk we did.

If she was in the hit of a tantrum I wouldn't force her in, it's not worth it for either of you. Leave plenty of time so you've got time for it to screw up, calm down and try again. It's not a battle or a fight, but probably is totally normal, if exhausting!

It's really normal at this age

I recommend Janet Lansbury "unruffled" podcast there's loads on there on tantrums it totally changed how I viewed it all and my responses - as a result we now have much fewer tantrums but more importantly I feel
Ok about them

If he's that upset about the buggy at the moment I wouldn't even go there unless you absolutely have to - in a week or two he might suddenly decide he wants to go in the buggy again anyway

We had this (I think it's one of the first major battles of the many you will fight as your child grows). How big / heavy is he? Do you go on long journeys with the buggy? Mine were light & we live for a 10 min walk from the centre of our town, so I didn't bother with the buggy most of the time once mine could walk reasonably well - I used a hipseat to carry my 2 when they got too tired to walk & a shopping trolley on wheels to carry all the stuff that used to go in the buggy (so that my arms weren't dropping off carrying stuff whilst walking at toddler speed). I used reins with them - the deal was reins on before we left the house or go in the buggy.

I agree with the other posters that you have to win these battles - I once sat reading whilst DD1 had a tantrum for 45 mins as she didn't want to wear pants to preschool. I couldn't wait it out with DD2 all the time, as had to get DD1 places and I think it's one of reasons DD2 will argue for longer now (they're both in their teens) as deep down she knows that she might win an argument by going on til we run out of time.