Falling for ‘friends with benefits’ What to do?

[Overtherainbowwayuphigh]

Hi,

I have no idea what to do. I have fallen deeply for my ‘friends with benefits’. I’m not sure if that’s even what I would call it. We do other stuff other than sex but there has been no discussion about where it will lead/other partners. I’m so confused on what to do. I’m not sure if I can tell him.

Ask him if he wants to be in a "proper" relationship with you. If he says no, you'll know he's only interested in you for the sex - then you can carry on with it or not

If you are having sex with someone you really can talk to them.

Ask if this is going anywhere. Of course you can ask to be exclusive. If they are honest and it’s not the answer you want I’d step away.

I'd do it the other way round. Tell him you can no longer be in a FWB relationship with him because you are developing feelings for him, that way the onus is on him to say how he feels.

Communicate. Is this going anywhere other that fwb? If it isn't, then you end it or risk getting hurt.

I’m not sure if I can tell him.

Ouch, you poor thing. This will pass though, & the more pro-active you are, the quicker you will get past it.

You either make up your mind to tell him - & if he doesn't want an exclusive with you, END it.

Or you decide that the fact you feel you cannot have a straightforward chat about it tells you all you need to know, & you END IT.

There is no happiness for you in quietly expiring from unrequited lurve.

I'm not taking the piss btw - your feelings are real, painful & valid. But they will pass. While you wait, google up some books or articles on limerance, the myths propagated by the Romance Industry, & the joys of pursuing your personal goals as a single woman. Romantic love isn't everything. Don't throw yourself away on a man who doesn't 100% want what you want.

This will pass my dear

If he's really a FWB, he'll respect you as a friend so you should think of that friend part, and feel comfortable enough to tell him that you've gotten too involved. I think he will want to respect your feelings, so he will be honest and either end it or give a relationship a go. There's no shame in admitting you habe fallen for him.

If this is more a f--k buddy situation I would just quietly move on as the respect won't be there so much and he will probably want to just carry on having sex so might String you along.

You have to tell him. Either the feelings will be reciprocated, or they won't, in which case you can stop seeing him and move on. You absolutely cannot continue in limbo, because you will get very hurt.

Well I married mine - 18 years in October - so I'm not much help.

I married mine too. Tell him and then go from there.

When this happened to me, I took a bit of time out to reset myself. It worked fine. Perhaps you need to have a talk about future expectations

Oh and it was him who broached the 'falling for you' conversation. I'd been holding it in for a while.