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Original poster

PTSD. Fear of driving. How to overcome?

2 replies

SparkleOwl65 · 16/05/2022 15:18

Long story short, I have a diagnosis of PTSD due to 3 years of sustained domestic abuse (emotional, rapes, control). I've started seeing someone recently and have finally got over the fear of being intimate and things are really good on that front. One thing I can't seem to live past though is the fear of driving with someone else in my car. I'm a perfectly good driver, but when my ex used to be in the car with me he would pinch and hit me when I went the wrong way or wasn't going fast enough for his liking, he would tell me I was an awful driver and he didn't know why he let me drive us, he used to move the gear stick around (automatic) and turn my music off when he didn't like it, putting music on that he knew I didn't like just to be annoying. He would swear at me and tell me I shouldn't be on the road. I had only been driving for a year and looking back I was perfectly safe, he was just being cruel. I tried to drive new guy in seeing somewhere and I started getting sweaty, felt like I couldn't breathe properly, kept justifying everything I was doing, couldn't park or get out of his driveway properly. It took me about 30 mins after we got back to his house for me to calm down and not feel like driving. I only ever drive with my son in the car and just cannot do it with other people without becoming completely panicked. It is irrational and I hate it. I haven't told new guy much about my past relationship because I fear he will judge me (even though he's lovely, I fear anyone I told would judge me). How do I even start to deal with this?

OP posts:
Lallybroch · 16/05/2022 15:34

I'm in no way an expert, but can I suggest maybe being a bit more open with your partner so he can try and understand what you are going through and help you? If he is as nice as you say, I'm sure he will want to help you in any way he can and not judge you for what has happened. Also, maybe approach a sympathetic driving instructor, maybe a female one who you can be open with and explain what has happened previously? I realise this may mean you being more open than you want to be but she may be able to suggest a couple of lessons with her then perhaps with a male colleague just to get you used to being in a car with other men. The other suggestion I have is approach your GP and see if they have any mental health support available or local initiatives such as MIND. I lost my confidence to drive through falling asleep on the motorway, then being diagnosed with sleep apnoea. I refused to drive more than 3 or 4 miles locally, and I was able to access help that way. Even Victim Support or a Domestic Violence charity may have a volunteer who would be willing to work with you to regain your confidence, again, it's reaching out and being open with people about your requirements. Please don't think you will be judged, you won't.

Original poster
SparkleOwl65 · 16/05/2022 15:36

Lallybroch · 16/05/2022 15:34

I'm in no way an expert, but can I suggest maybe being a bit more open with your partner so he can try and understand what you are going through and help you? If he is as nice as you say, I'm sure he will want to help you in any way he can and not judge you for what has happened. Also, maybe approach a sympathetic driving instructor, maybe a female one who you can be open with and explain what has happened previously? I realise this may mean you being more open than you want to be but she may be able to suggest a couple of lessons with her then perhaps with a male colleague just to get you used to being in a car with other men. The other suggestion I have is approach your GP and see if they have any mental health support available or local initiatives such as MIND. I lost my confidence to drive through falling asleep on the motorway, then being diagnosed with sleep apnoea. I refused to drive more than 3 or 4 miles locally, and I was able to access help that way. Even Victim Support or a Domestic Violence charity may have a volunteer who would be willing to work with you to regain your confidence, again, it's reaching out and being open with people about your requirements. Please don't think you will be judged, you won't.

Thank you. All good advice. I wish I could afford driving lessons! I don't feel I can open up to new guy as I really haven't known him long (we're talking weeks). Just feel like it's a lot to tell someone so early on...

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