To be unsure about going into business with DH?

[NC202205]

Just that really. DH is setting up a new business and wants me to come aboard to do all the financial side of things. I already work in this kind of role.

I'm really torn. I know that potentially I could earn more money than I currently do (if the business is profitable) but I'm still unsure. I love DH, he's good at his job and I believe he would make a success of the business but I'm not sure how the dynamics would play out? We have a great relationship, but my worries are: DH can be a bit overbearing sometimes, DH works for fun whereas I'm more of a work-to-live kind of person, and I'm just not sure I want the added stress of being self employed.

WIBU to say no to this? If you've had a business with your partner, how have you found it? I don't know if I'm crazy for considering passing up what could be a really great opportunity.

Is it something you could do on a trial basis alongside your current job for six months to see how it goes, or would that be too much? I'd be worried not only about the dynamic (would you be partners and own the business equally or would he expect to be your boss?) but having all your financial eggs in one basket if the business doesn't get established and profitable enough to support two people quickly.

You'd be crazy for both of you to rely on the business for an income. He'd be crazy to think he can afford you when he's only just starting up. Tell him to make a success of it and then you'll reconsider but for now you need the stability of your income.

A very sound approach!

If you already feel he can be overbearing, how is he going to be towards you when he is the official "boss" and you are both dealing with the inevitable stresses of getting a business off the ground?

Don't give up on your current job for something that may or may not pan out and could put you in a difficult position with regard to your husband!

You’d be crazy to give up a job that you’ve already got for it.

Been there, done that, went back to a full time job. Stress of working together and never switching off was too much. I realised after 2 years that it was go back to work or end our relationship. Might have been better if we'd been more successful, but I doubt it. Doesn't mean it's the same for everyone, though. I know of couples that have made it work. I'd just say you're right to be wary.

I'm worried about there not being that aspect of never switching off too @Justlovedogs , two of my friends work together at the same place and they can find it hard sometimes not to just talk about work when we get together and I imagine it would be much worse at home, with your partner.

If you're in doubt then no, don't do it. Sounds like your respective approaches to work are so different it would only breed contempt on both sides.

Incidentally, does it sound viable? Do you think it'll be a success?

I tried working with my husband once and came back to full time work after few months. It's not for me. I just couldn't stand my husband being strict like he's at work. He likes having things done his way and I was taking it too personally. We are much happier while he runs his business and I work FT.

You don't know that the business will be profitable.

I wouldn't do it. Couples need time apart IMO and those that do work together successfully tend to succeed because they started the business together, rather than one starting it and roping in the other one as an assistant.

Don't do it. You're already worried about it. If your response had been unequivocally positive then I'd have urged caution but when your response is so lukewarm, I'd advise saying no.
I've worked with DH. It's hard to have boundaries between work and home life. It does put pressure on the relationship.
And in your case, the relationship between a MD and financial staff sometimes needs to be blunt and confrontational. You're either going to have to curb your professionalism and avoid those difficult conversations or you're going to be professional and end up butting heads which will impact your relationship.

He's been freelancing for a few years now and has built up a good reputation and some good clients who are offering him more work than he can currently handle, so he's not starting completely from scratch. He wants to go Ltd, VAT registered, and take on an employee to do the main work with him. He says he can match my current salary and give me some shares in the company when he goes Ltd. He's being very generous, I wouldn't have any concerns from that side of things. It's part of what's making me feel so bad for being uncertain. It's a good opportunity, a lot of people would jump at the chance.

I'd be very cautious of giving up a job you have for one that may go well in time but is new and not yet profitable.. you'd also be reliant on being paid by your partner and that's a whole new world of control. I speak from experience, keep your working lives separate for now and certainly do not go on board as a company director! Keep control of your own finance and see how successful he is in a year..

Another vote for don't do it.

If the business is profitable, you'll still benefit as you're married and it's extra wealth in the household.

If the business is unprofitable, you'll have lost your current job.

Plus either way there's the huge risk of control issues, bad feeling, loss of self esteem, from having your husband as your boss

He can give you shares whether you work in the business or not.