I'm so sorry you're going through this and I'm sorry your parent is so unwell.
I'm 39 now but when I was 24 I hit rock bottom. I can't and won't go into the circumstances but I had a psychotic breakdown through shock and stress and ended up making a serious attempt on my life. I'm writing this so obviously I didn't succeed but it was very very close.
It took a long time to 'recover'. I had about 25 rounds of ECT, medication, inpatient stays, counselling etc. I got there but only after a physical health crisis which put me in ICU in a coma for five weeks. I had a trachaeostomy and was resuscited at one point too. Nobody knows to this day how i survived but I did. It took four months to build up strength after so I stayed in hospital all that time learning how to walk, talk and eat again.
Through this time in hospital, I met my (now) future husband. We have been through a hell of a lot of heartache, losing twins at 19 weeks gestation, and having a second set of twins born 4 months early. Our daughter survived but sadly our son was only with us for four days. We have another baby on the way and honestly, my life has done a 360 and it pains me to think how low and unwell I was just a few years ago, to the point of neglecting my health so much I nearly didn't come through it (twice). I have never been as content as I am now.
I'm so sorry to make so much of this post about me, and for mentioning having children when you have been fighting a battle that many people just wouldn't cope with. I can only begin to imagine what not being able to have biological children must do to a person who wants them and you have my sincere, heartfelt empathy. I'm sure you're aware there are other options to 'natural conception' and don't need me to patronise you by pointing out these options, but there are other ways to parent a child other than giving birth yourself. I know that's no consolation when you're knee-deep in grief, however.
What I'm driving at is that it's always possible to come back from the very brink of not being able to survive (physically or mentally). I sometimes think about the Universe and how comparatively small and insignificant we are, and think HOW and WHY does life just throw SO much shit at people, then stamp on them when they are down?
I understand, to some degree, what it's like to have unwell parents. I'm grateful to still have both my parents, however my mum has a life
-threatening neurological illness and a month ago my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I haven't yet worked out how to 'cope' with either of these things. I saw both my parents yesterday for the first time since September and my mum was unrecognisable. It was like she had aged 15 years in 10 months. I didn't let her see how upset and worried I was. I am trying to treat them both as I always have whilst recognising their limitations. It's bloody hard.
There is lots of support available. It's not always obvious but it IS there. Have you thought of accessing counselling? NHS wait times are putting many people off, and many can't afford private therapy either, but the mental health charity Mind offer adult counselling on a one-to-one basis. They ask for a £15 donation for each 50 minute session with a trained counsellor. I understand that this is still unaffordable for a lot of people but it is an option and Mind's waiting times tend to be a few weeks (dependent on location) rather than months or years.
You're dealing with a huge amount of stress and pressure but reaching out for support which is brilliant.
Don't give up.