Do I stay or leave

[Lionesx]

Hey everyone,

So basically in stuck in a relationship I do not want to be in ( I think ) but I'm not sure how to act on it. The reason being, my partner is driving me insane, he nit picks at everything I do and "tells me off" alot of little things I pay no mind too. For example today, I shut the kitchen windows he told me off for shutting then roo loud. Straight after that, he's telling me off as he has misplaced something which I must have moved. I'm on the phone to my mum then he's coming into the room saying isn't there things I need to be doing. It's just constant. If I sit down I'm not using my time wisely he says, it feels like he doesn't talk to me unless he's moaning. He's constantly trying to tell me how wrong I am in everything I do.

I can't be around him as I do not like him the kids are not keen on him either as they say he just starts arguments and he constantly moans. I can't talk to him because he's explosive and he turns it round on me and would just be a lecture. So talking isn't an option

Here are some examples

When the kids are up for school he's constantly shouting at them that they will be late- even though we are running on time. He will make everyone rush around because he doesn't want to be late.
When I take them to school he will tell me I was late, I could be half an hour early he will still sat I'm late.

I will take our baby downstairs in the morning. Before I have a chance to go upstairs to collect the night bottles and things I need. He's been upstairs come downstairs to tell me what I've left upstairs and why. I have one pair of hands I don't get the issue but he has meltdowns over everything I do.

If I talk his response is sharp and blunt.

How do I leave this guy without any dramas. We have been together for 10 years. He treated me really bad for about 6 of those I wish I left then 😪

Didn't get halfway through your post before my mind was resounding with "leave"

You can’t leave without any drama. There’s bound to be some.

But, I promise, it’s a lot better than living like you are. It’s also much better for your kids.

He's emotionally abusive. It won't get better. I'd recommend you talk to Women's Aid for some advice.

Run. Get out as soon as you can. Your kids don't like him or the way he treats you so just go or chuck him out.
I promise you'll feel a weight come off you.
Good luck OP.

I only read a little of your post and thought 'boot him out'!

One of the kids are his, and we have a baby together. But I don't think she even likes him. The problem is I just don't know how to break up with him without making my life hell... any suggestions?

OP, being honest, it will be hell to break up, he will probably be awful by the sounds of it but your life will be so much better.

I would suggest speaking to a solicitor and understanding the practicalities of seperating as this will help you feel prepared. Is the house in joint names? I wouldn't leave the house unless you feel you are in danger and then obviously leave to keep yourself safe.

Your life will be so much better without him, I promise. I also lived like this for 12 years and it nearly broke me and the children. I am now free and happy but still have to put up with his shit but I am better able to put boundaries in place.

Thank you for your message.
The house is in my name only but if I asked him to leave he would cause havoc. The trouble Is talking to him is near impossible as he goes 0 to 100 real quick. I'm beyond sick of how he dictates and speaks to me and calls me names. In my head I want him to just leave but I know that won't happen as he's comfortable. I just don't know how to start thr process off. I know I'll be happier as will the children I'm so looking forward to being at peace and not spoken to and treated like shit day in day out. Do I pack up his things and leave them outside, I mean I just don't know how to call it quits

I would suggest asking him to leave, have someone there with you (dad, brother or male friend) - I would also speak to women's aid as they can talk to you about how to do it safely.

If he refuses and the house is in your name you could pack up his stuff, change the locks etc. It may antagonise him and be horrid but you can always call the police if he kicks off.

Being prepared by speaking to a solicitor will help you move quickly on seperation though and how to sort custody etc.

I got as far as reading that your kids don't like him. Even before then I was thinking leave him.

OP it's not going to be easy but in the long run you'll be glad you did. Is there a male relative who can be there when you ask him to leave? You shouldn't have to but it may be the easiest way to get him to leave. I do agree with the pp who said to get in touch with women's aid. They should be able to give you advice.

Leave. No question in my mind at all. There is literally no upside to remaining with someone who adds nothing to your life.

Thank you for your advice, I spoke to some agencies yesterday they where quite helpful. I doubt I will need to arrange contact for the children as he told me he will not be a part time dad. Its either all or nothing.
We broke up before, he didn't see his child for months & I stupidly took him back. But I am old and wise now so I know I will be doing this alone, which I know sounds selfish but I am more than happy too. I've done this 10 years too long. X