To feel like parenthood brings up past memories

[RubyEmma212121]

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else is the same? I spend a lot of time at home with my dc and I find myself thinking so much about my adolescence, my childhood, my family, ex friends and days gone by. I think it's because I have no immediate future plans for myself just investing everything in my dcs and giving them the best life possible. I don't know whether this is normal or not?

Sometimes I see their innocent faces and I wish I wasnt in such a hurry to grow up and that I could go back to the beginning and start all over again. I didn't have a great home life, parents used to argue a lot etc it wasn't all bad though. Perhaps some unresolved stuff has come to the forefront watching my children's childhoods unfold in such a lovely way. AIBU to feel like this or can anyone else relate?

Yes. Completely,
I went to boarding school and when I look at my dc now my heart breaks for younger me

Yes I can relate. I remember being bullied and being treated as if I was a bit weak, and being expected to just get on with it.
When it happened to my own child, I took it seriously until there was a resolution and they felt safe.
I think it's important to remember how we felt as children, as it is likely that our own children will feel the same way.

Congratulations! Yes absolutely normal! I reached out to old friends I'd lost touch with and tried to be more in touch with family members (dad). Then got upset when it didn't last. I played bad memories with abusive ex over and over in my head and became anxious

Completely normal.
I had a great childhood, but obviously, it wasn't all plain sailing ; I saw and heard some stuff I'd rather forget. I've just spent the weekend with my granddaughter (6). I find myself saying random things to her. Things that make sense to me, but I notice family members look at me like I'm mad. Granddaughter takes it all on board though.

Yes absolutely. The main thing for me was realising how abusive my mum had been as I saw my kids at the various ages and started remembering what it had been like with her and wondering how anyone could treat a child so young and vulnerable the way she treated me. I think if you have bad memories (or even good ones, I don't know) you have to learn how to srot of be in the moment with your kids, try and put those feelings to one side a bit, at least during the day, and just focus on the practical stuff bc otherwise it can really overwhelm you.

@twoandcooplease yes I had an abusive/toxic relationship in my teens to early twenties and I find my head going back to that place with them and retracing events and memories. It actually really annoys me and frustrates me - I have my wonderful dcs and everything I ever dreamt of and I'm finally living the life I always yearned for yet his presence is in my head when I want to be totally absorbed by my dcs. It feels unfair that he even has space in my mind and at the same time as my dcs. Does that make sense?
I wonder why this is happening. Perhaps unresolved trauma?

@RubyEmma212121 , but just like you remember good times, you also remember horrific times. It balances out, and also makes you the person you are today. Try to change your mindset ( I know it's not easy ) - you're actually in a great position to teach your children.
Maybe it is unresolved - I get that. I saw something horrific as a child. I've never shared it with anyone. It haunts me. I do use it to warn my granddaughter though. But yes, I hear you.

@RubyEmma212121 yes, I remember this when I was pregnant and DS was a baby.

Yes. I put my childhood behind me when I left home, but having kids brought back a lot of memories. I think I was contrasting how I was treated with how I was treating my kids and wondering how someone could treat a child how I was treated. Maybe it happens so we don't repeat abusive treatment.

Yes me too @herecomesyour19thnervousbreakdown. I really struggled with it the first year DD1 was in secondary school.

When I was growing up, my mum was so angry all the time, I thought she absolutely hated me. Our relationship was not great for years, but around my late 20s I sort of understood her situation better and the relationship improved. I thought I had forgiven her. But as my dd gets older I keep getting angry with dm again. I'm back now to believing she really did hate me again.
I try not to dwell on it. Every time a grim or sad memory pops up, I use it to motivate myself to do better than she did, be better than she was.

@Ridelikethewindypops this resonates. My mum was always in a bad mood too. On one hand I get it she had a lot to do and my dad didn't really help out around the house much but I remember her saying she was going to leave and never come back, and I was never hugged or shown much affection and was scared to approach her as didn't know whether she would be in a bad mood or not. The memories are really coming bk to me now I have dc. I find myself flitting between understanding and further resentment. I dont think if I actually saw my children hurting I could just let them suffer like we did. I remember crying saying please stop fighting (arguing) to my parents all the time and they just carried on. It makes me sad that my formative years were less then ideal and why I probably have such bad anxiety. I wish I was shown the love I show my children.