Constantly explaining things

[fandabbiedebbie]

Due to our working patterns I used to have time on my own (with DS as a baby) in the house most days. During this time I would freely do things (housework, going to the loo, cooking a pizza, sitting in any position) without having to explain when/ why / how I was doing them, what I was planning to do next, why / when / how....you guessed it, DP is now WFH and now if I don't get through anything without giving a running commentary. I feel utterly talked out and things take so much longer. It's driving me mad! Have spoken about it but the questions are still constant!

Just stop replying. Let him talk to himself but do explain before this that if you feel 'talked out' in future you'll just stop replying and then he'll take the hint.

You concentrate on your work, I'll concentrate on mine.

Why is he in the same room as you, to even notice? Can he set up his work space somewhere else so he's not always on hand?

The workspace is thankfully upstairs but DP always seems to be around when I am trying to do something (I am always doing something on my days off of work, as we all are!) The house is small, the bathroom is downstairs, I sometimes have to go into the bedroom where DP works to hang up washing (but try to make sure I won't need to do that). DP just always assumes that I have five minutes to explain everything I am doing/ thinking or that I can down tools to chat about latest work scenario 🙄 Thankfully my job is away from the home and I have three blissful days of autonomy every week

I have the same problem trying to get anything done with my OH around. And he isn't the first I've had this issue with. Drives me right up the wall and back again.

In fairness, I think DP misses being around people in an office environment and is just keen to have a chat now and then! I really don't want to explain what I am doing all the time though.
I take DS to visit my parents on one of my two weekdays off and find they ask a lot of questions too! Maybe it's just me but I so long to do simple tasks without explaining myself 😂

It's just a bit of a grumble really- it won't change and I just need to vent 😉
It's so bad I heard DP coming down the stairs and I hid in the bathroom. Only to hear "would you like a cup of tea?" through the door. Now I know that's a kind offer but when I declined it was "coffee?" "Water?" 😂 When I said I was fine and didn't need a drink thank you I was practically surveyed about my hydration levels. Would have been quicker and less rally to have taken an unwanted cup of tea!

This is why wfh only works well if nobody else is in the house during the day . Tell him if he doesn’t shut up he can go back to the office.

Only allowed in the office on two days and they coincide with days that I am working (not wfh) so it doesn't help!

Put some ear buds in & listen to a podcast. It only takes a few times of pulling one ear bud out & shouting WHAT? before they give up

Other day I am trying to put a pizza in the oven and DP walks in. Five minutes of talking about why the oven shelves had been moved (casserole night before) etc etc culminating in me shouting "CAN I JUST PUT THE FUCKING PIZZA IN THE FUCKING OVEN?" So now I am unreasonable and irritable.

@Flippermeflopits
Potty training/ being responsible for toddler is not conducive to this otherwise fantastic idea 💡

I don’t understand this, is your boyfriend controlling? Or just incapable of acting normal?
What happens when you don’t engage in the interrogations and tell him ‘no.’?

I Understand your frustrations op. All the best

There are no abuse / control issues here. This is a plain and simple case of being under my feet. I am sure many others are encountering the similar things and it will sound a bit odd to those who aren't.

I get you OP!
But it’s me that has just started to wfh.
Dh has been wfh for a few years.

Its not the talking for me, it’s the fact that I notice things I didn’t before. ( previously I worked out of the house 50-60 hours per week for the last 4 years or so).

The house is a shit hole & he just doesn’t notice or care!
He is SO loud on work calls and fucking hell, he goes on about shite. A conversation could be over in 2 minutes if he just cut out all the shite.

He does not stop eating ALL DAY.

He must work 4 hours then do fuck all except faff for another 5 hours.

Its very challenging.

Haha, oh god, I recognise this scenario. He sounds like someone who does not suit the solitude of wfh. DP and I manage the close quarters of us both being in the house by pretending the other doesn’t exist until clocking off time. Yours sounds like he’d benefit from either going back to the office, or an outlet like Mumsnet to get his chatter out.

Currently hiding in the kitchen under the guise of chopping vegetables for dinner. This was obviously a good enough explanation as no follow up questions were raised and I have been alone in silence for fifteen minutes ⭐️

@stuntbubbles
There's probably a whole other AIBU thread right now : DP shouts at me when I take an interest in her day 😂

My DM is like this. I find it mentally exhausting.

She comes to stay with us once a week and babysits for us occasionally and I love having her bear, but dear God, we can't have one quiet minute. Every second needs to be filled with chat.

I live with two toddlers and just want some quiet time 😩

The other side of the coin is when I ask a question DP has started trying to guess the reason / what I want instead of just answering!! Example question: what time are you planning to have your shower? Answer: why? What time are you having a shower? Did you need to put the washing on (machine destroys water pressure in our shower) Etc etc I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT TIME YOU PLAN TO HAVE YOUR SHOWER!

I think when DP was working in an office there was a clear morning routine and then I could make a hundred small decisions about nothing in my head. Now the routine isn't quite the same daily and some conference is needed so that I can plan around DP (which I really don't mind doing but a clear answer to basic questions would help) and then at any moment I called be called upon for weird and boring small talk!
Potty training toddler at the moment so it's not easy to go out (it's not going great) all day other than to parents house and there's more constant small talk there, plus nothing gets done at ours in the meantime!